Tears are never far from my eyes these days, i'm not depressed but i am sad. I'm sad for my own lonliness and for being unable to endure what i find unendurable. I'm sad when i see injustice, well, maybe more angry than sad. I'm sad when i read or hear of others pain and suffering, the huge destruction left in the wake of a huge wave or a small child wailing - even though it may only be for a chocolate denied. I've been embarrassed by my sadness and tears since they started. i'd like to say i'm not embarrassed anymore, but i think a small part of me still is but it is getting less. Looking at my LO's today, i can truly see then for what they are. They're beautiful pieces of my life, whether they're 'artisticaly' beautiful or not, i still have my doubts but i am proud of them, more proud of then than i ever would have thought. Would i have thought this a year ago, no, maybe not, a year ago i was in turmoil, i'd lost faith in my ability to be an OK person and for it to be OK to make mistakes. My 'mistakes' often lead to much pain for me, my mum often says for me to shout and get angry. i do get angry but to shout ? that only leads to trouble for me, i'm rarely if ever forgiven for shouting and losing my temper. My Mia is a very forgiving child, i'm sometimes hard on her and she's sometimes hard on me back but by bedtime we're usually on an even keel and and there's never a day that goes by without her knowing that i love her. i say i'm sorry to her when i have to and i say thank you too her as much as i can. To me, thank you is an incredibly valuable word. it can restore and heal, it can bring happiness and show care. For this reason i write this blog today.:thanks:ScrapGirls. You bring light and learning.