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Dad?


Dad?

I'm posting this here even if I didn't use any SG-materials (done for a challenge elsewhere), but this is my cyber-home...

I made this one out of my need for some therapeutic outpouring over my stupidly complicated relationship to my father... The journaling is two different e-mails I sent to my father in November 2009, in response to e-mails from him. I still don't know what detail in his life or mind triggered all this, just that he was wrong to blame and involve me, and that is what I'm trying to communicate in those e-mails. He refused to meet me and speak to me face to face.
I haven't had any contact with him since, and neither has my sister...

Journaling:
"There is something fundamentally wrong here...

You talk about respect.
But it is obviously meant to be one-way.
Your respect for us as daughters is evidently zero, which is very strange as you mention that we are adults.
Why should we show you respect and not get any in return?

We are grown-up and we form our own opinions.
You are totally wrong when you say that I have a "blackened view" of you due to my mother.
If you ever talk to her in the future about all this, I bet she can tell you about the fights she and I had due to you and Margaretha in the beginning.
She repeatedly blamed me for siding with you, agreeing with you, protecting you and basically being "my father's daughter".
I've NEVER opposed to you having a relationship, and even defended your infidelities in front of friends and family, long before the divorce was a fact.
I never will understand why my mother still wanted to stay married to you after the revelations in 2002/2003, and I will never understand why you wanted to stay if you had a chance of a different and happier life.
I said it numerous times then, and I still stand by that.

The impression I have of you today, is built on your interactions with ME over the last couple of years.
Not on your relationship with my mom. And it has nothing to do with Margaretha.
I base my view of things on what happens to me, not what happens to others.

It is weird, but it seems like you've made up your mind to make trouble whatever happens?
I just can't understand what triggered it this time?
I'm just infinitely resigned and sad...

To talk about "you all" is obviously redundant.
Last time I checked, I do not own part of the property, will never own part of the property and have never expected to inherit anything from neither one of you! So stop including me in the property-matter!
But, I have clearly told you, that in the instance of a legal battle or bigger discussion between you and mom, I will take mom's side simply because she doesn't have anybody else.
It is beginning to feel really tedious to say this over and over again.

Regarding your "last communication" - I - and just me all alone without talking to my mom or my sister - am so f-ing tired of all the intrigues that have revolved around you the last couple of years. You have always managed to blame them on mom, Margaretha, Greeks and in some cases on me, but however you look at them You are always in the middle!
I am pretty sure that you are instrumental to these intrigues yourself, and that you form them by playing people against eachother.
Mom and Margaretha is a brilliant example. If this had been an "ordinary" affair, that had ended in an "ordinary" divorce, the two of them would have an "ordinary" dislike for eachother. But thanks to all the bullsh-t you've created legally, these ladies hate eachother, and this hatred has put the rest of the family in an impossible situation to say the least.
I don't think, to the contrary of many others, that Margaretha is the biggest problem in this, I think it is You.

If you have decided that you will do exceptionally well without me and my sister, I wish you well!
I had a good childhood with you as my dad, but these last couple of years have been pure *** without exaggerating the least...
If it really is your intention to say "Goodbye" in this manner, you will have to live with the consequences.
I really can't take any more shifts in your role as my father. Either I have a father or I don't!
No more mood-induced rubbish every 6 months or so.

/Thess

PS. My respect is not something automatically given to you just because you were involved in my conceivement 41+ years ago.
My respect is something you earn by your actions, and that goes for anybody.
Your actions have one by one, taken away the huge amount of respect I once had for you."

Credits:
"Colbie Solids" by Michelle Martin
"Silly Billy Alpha" by Lynn Grieveson
"ScriptTease FotoBlendz Time no2" by Anna Aspnes
-all DesignerDigitals



    hope the therapy helps you... so sorry for the messy stuff in life...
    Thess - what a courageous way to express your feeling towards your Dad. I admire you for being able to share your feeling with us in this very therapeutic layout. I really hope that it helps with the feelings that you are experiencing and I hope that someday you will find some resolution and peace with your Dad. I think this took a lot of intestinal fortitude for you to put it on paper and I think that you must have carried this heavy burden for a long time and needed to do this. Good for you. God Bless You Thess. I will keep you close in thought and prayer that peace will come one day and these burdens will be lifted from your heart and that love will take it's place.
    i do admire you for having the courage and writing out the insight that you have. may the pain that you have in your life be a gift/ a fertilizer to help you bloom even more graciously as a woman who deeply loves others. And may the other dear people in your life reciprocate your love. God bless you in a very dear and special way. Sara's comment is good. Wish I could give you a hug! Go one Dear One and thrive! many blessings on you!
    I am so glad you were able to scrap this - I hope it helps you sort out your feelings - it is a beautiful page even though it is such an ugly story
    funnily enough, I had been thinking of you lately and wondering where you were and what you've been up to so it's very good to see your name here again

    OMG Thess, in so many ways this could be me talking... I am so proud of you for putting this out there, for feeling you can vent right here with us.
    I can identify with so much of what you say, in a round about sort of way as my father did things a bit differently to yours but those same feelings of it being 'my' fault, of the respect only going one way, his way, are so exactly on the spot...
    I hope that you are feeling better and stronger within yourself and that, as hard as it is to do, that you can move forward with a clear conscience knowing you did all you could. I know that that is something I try to do every day, some days are easier than others but I still make sure I tell myself at least I tried...

    God bless you honey, be strong
    There are some things we need to get out and deal with in some way. This is a great way to give self-therapy. Very personal and thought provoking. I pray things work out for what is best for you.
    I think you have a way with words, and feel like this is good therapy for you. (and possibly quite cheaper than psychotherapy, though my pocketbook might argue with that;)
    I wish you, your mom, and sister the best in this difficult relationship/non-relationship.