My Legacy
By Sonia11
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Michelle's passing has been so hard for so many people, I have been deeply moved on so many levels by this massive loss. For someone so young and so beautiful to be taken is heartbreaking and really puts life in to perspective. I watched the newsclip on Kare 11 and I cried as I watched those poor little boys by her bedside it was truely life at its cruellest! Her passing has made me look at my own life in so many ways and take stock of the fact that no-one knows what lies ahead. I hope Michelle is at peace now in a happy place and my prayers are with her family at such a difficult time...
Journalling reads...
Recently I heard the saddest news. A beautiful young woman, adored wife and mother to 2 beautiful boys, struck down by a terrible illness. There was no cure to the disease and within a few short weeks these young men were robbed of their mother. I cried as I watched the newsclip and saw the boys, bewildered sitting by her bedside in the knowledge that she would soon die. It got me thinking about just how cruel and unforgiving life can be. We all have our grumbles and day to day troubles but nothing could ever compare to this. One thing that really struck me, in the sadness of it all, is that there is really no way to prepare the children for something so terrible. It got me thinking... Could I do more just in case my own family should have to face a life without me? We travel through life with the assumption that we will nuture our children and watch them grow, and that death although inevitable is something that happens in old age. Yet all the time you hear stories of a young life ended far too soon.
I find it really hard to try and picture your life without me in it, but I know I must... just in case... There is alot to consider. The practical stuff - My life insurance is tied to my job, should I get another private one, just in case. It certainly would give me comfort to know you would be well provided for. There are also some legal loose ends I’ve been meaning to sort. I probably should have done them a while ago but there is never enough time and yet there always seems to be all the time in the world??? I do realise that actually these things are a priority and should not wait.
The practical stuff is actually the easiest to sort though. The message boards have been full of people heart broken at the loss of a fellow digiscrapper and I have gained much comfort from them. Being able to share our loss together has been amazingly reassuring. In one of the threads a discussion occured about how scrapbooking allows us to leave a legacy of how much we love our children. This is so very true - I spend hours creating layouts detailing as much as possible about your young lives. Documenting the milliseconds and the special moments so I never forget each and everyone. I have made countless pages telling you how proud I am of each of you and how I love you so much my heart could burst. I have no doubt in my mind that should I be gone tomorrow each of you will know how much I love you and that would give you comfort. Although this may be more than some may have to help with their grief I am still conscious that I could do more. Naturally, with four children there is always so much to scrap about you. As I am the photographer it is rare for me to step in front of the lens. I looked through our family photo albums the other night. We have hundreds and hundreds of photos documenting all the places we have been and the special little moments that make up our lives. I was struck though by how few there are of me... I hate looking at my own photo and I am reluctant to let go of the camera in case I should miss that perfect scrdapbook shot. I know however, that I am doing you all a huge disservice though. If you look back through the albums its like I was hardly ever there. Which of course is not true but I have been so busy preserving your memories that I have forgotten that you will want memories of me too one day. In fact the absolute truth is in the big scheme of things there will be a day when I can no longer be with you and for this reason I must step out in front of the camera more often. I must scrap more layouts about me, and leave you more of me. I got to thinking about all the stages of your lives I might miss out on if I were gone tomorrow. What would I want you to know? What are the things I believe in that I must share with you now? There are so many things in life I want to teach you about. The way I believe you should expect people to treat you, and how you should treat other people. When you are young the world is so black and white and we shelter you from alot of the difficult times. Would you be prepared enough if I was not there to guide you later?
Scrapbooking gives me the perfect platform to leave you these messages for the future. I see so many inspirational layouts in the galleries with simple yet so meaningful messages. I ohhh and ahhh over them but with so little time to scrap I very rarely create such a layout. Sweating over documenting everything you do, yet this is really for my benefit. If I am truthful it is my attempt to freeze time and not let go. I know one day you will no longer need me and you will spread your wings and fly your own journey so now I document as much as possible so that when you are gone I will have my memories to fill the hours between a phone call or a fleeting visit. Whilst I know that this is just as important, I also know that for your sakes I must take time to leave you memories of me too. The other thing that also strikes me is that soooo many of my layouts sit on my hard drive - I know this too well from my hard drive crashing recently and losing so many of them. I tend to save up all my layouts and then print them once a year but perhaps I should print smaller albums more often. It doesn’t matter if they are not flash 12 x 12 albums for me to drool over - the most important thing is should I be gone tomorrow they would be there for you all to reach for. I hope we have many many more tomorrows but just in case I know there are many things I must change now....
Supplies
KCroninBarrow A Fresh Start
KCroninBarrow Sweet escape
Photoshop CS3
Canon Rebel XTi
A beautiful angel sits in heaven tonight - Rest in peace Michelle xxx
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