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My song title is "Since You've Been Gone" by the group Powderfinger. It refers to the lead singer missing his brother who had passed away the year before.

This is one of my favorite pictures of my dad and my journaling is something I posted on my Facebook two years ago on the fifth anniversary of his passing. I still miss him like crazy. There was quite alot of it so you can't really read it, so here it is:

Early on the morning of May 11, 2006, I ran over to Mom and Dad's house to trade vehicles. I had used their car to pick my son Tommy and his then girlfriend Octavia up from the airport the night before - Dad hadn't been doing too well and they came in from California to see him. I was swapping out for Dad's truck which we were going to use while Tommy and Octavia were here. Tommy was up and could have come with me but Octavia didn't feel well and he wanted to make sure she was okay so he stayed home that morning. I talked with Mom for a few minutes in the kitchen and popped my head into the living room to say "hey" to Dad but he was asleep so I just quietly backed out. "Wake him up," Mom said, and I replied, "No, I'll just say hi when we come over later." Little did I know . . . . .


A few hours later Tommy, Octavia and I were at the grocery store when my cell phone rang. It was odd, as my phone had never gotten reception inside Town and Country before. I answered and it was Mom. She said, "Where are you?" I told her I was at Town and Country and she said, "It's your Dad . .. . " and she started to cry. From that point on my world fell out from under me.

She was at the fire department in South Haven. She and Dad had been in the car on the way to one of his doctor's appointments and Dad collapsed in the passenger seat. With a presence of mind that I will never in this lifetime be able to claim, Mom realized she was close to the fire department where they keep the ambulances and have EMTs on duty all of the time, so she flew over there. They lifted Dad out of the car and put him in the ambulance and started working on him while someone stayed with Mom in the office while she called me.

I left my cart full of groceries right in the middle of the aisle and told Tommy and Octavia to get a move on, something was wrong with Grandpa. We went and got Mom and went to the ER at the hospital and waited. Every minute drug out like an entire day. Then the doctor came in and gave us the news - they were unable to revive him. My Daddy was gone . . . .

One of my first thoughts was guilt. Just a few days earlier I had been having one of the many chats I had been having with God since Dad's cancer had returned. I had gotten angry and said, "If you're not going to make him well, then take him so he doesn't suffer!" So He did. Just like that. And I'll have to say, he didn't suffer in the sense that he lingered and lingered and lingered. I don't really think he ever knew what hit him. And I can't be sorry for that but I wish God had seen fit to give him one more day. Tommy had wanted so badly to see his Grandpa one last time and he never got that chance. Neither did my sister - she had plans to come up, I think it was the following week, to visit.

My next thought was, "What will we do?" Dad was our rock - he took care of us all. Usually, all it took was a phone call and he was there. He fixed our cars, our houses and sometimes even our lives. During some of the more desperate times in my life, he'd give me a hug and I knew it would be okay. He had a wonderful laugh and a great sense of humor. He loved Mom, us, and bass fishing - in that order. That was all he needed to make his life complete. If he needed more, he never let on. And now this huge presence in our lives was gone.

Except he wasn't. In the days following, I drew on the strength that he and Mom had taught me to get through things. It was hard . . . . . so hard. But, like I had been taught, you do what you have to do. What I WANTED to do was lay down and cry until I couldn't cry another tear. But there were others that needed taking care of . . . .

A few years ago when I bought my house - a repo in need of a TON of TLC, Dad was with me again. At first I would come over to work on the house and I would just sit here and cry. I knew what I had to do, I knew how to do it - Dad had taught me so many things about stuff like that. But without Dad here to have my back if I ran into a problem, I was having trouble working up the confidence to dig in. Finally, I got out of my lawn chair, looked around, shook my head and said, "Je-sus Christ!" just like Dad used to (it would drive Mom nuts when he said that!) and dug in. If I hit a snag, I would tell myself, "Now Laurie, what would Dad do?" I would sit there and think a minute and usually come up with an answer. Sometimes the answer was, "You don't have a clue - call a professional!" lol. But he was there with me. In my heart and in my head.

And that's where he still is today, five years after he left us. I miss him like crazy, and still have times when I cry (like now.) I'd give everything I own for one more hug. And one day I'll get it, when God thinks the time is right. Until then, I just keep on keeping on like he taught me to do - working and helping and loving.

For those of you that knew Dad, I'm so glad you had the opportunity. For those of you that didn't, I wish you had - he was a wonderful, special man.


I LOVE YOU, DAD!

Laurie

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