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Things I've Learned From My Children


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#1 jlf_loves_mjf

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Posted 27 July 2005 - 01:05 AM

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

2. A 3-year-old is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.

5. When using the ceiling fan as a baseball bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a six-year-old.

11. "Play-Doh" and "microwave" should never be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise in a moving car.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

21. Cats spit up twice their body weight when dizzy.

#2 diazcamille

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Posted 27 July 2005 - 11:56 AM

Here's another one -

Worm guts taste like ketchup.

#3 momentousangel

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Posted 27 July 2005 - 05:09 PM

Here's another one. You can't fly a kite to heaven so someone can grab ahold no matter how much kite string you use.
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To have a friend is to have a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold and an extra pair of legs when yours are too weak to stand alone...

I have been living buried in books and writing classes... as an added note I must say that it is rather scary when you start dreaming and all you can see within your dreams is words floating everywhere!

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Valerie Lynn Harrell is the published author of a book of poetry, titled "A Little Girl Lost... Was Found Through Her Writing"

#4 vegaschristina

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Posted 24 November 2005 - 12:17 PM

Golf balls will explode in the microwave (and ruin it in the process!)




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