[BethLang]

Has anyone ever made an adoption lifebook?? I am in the process of making one for my DD, and am stuck on a page. I guess I am trying to make something I have no visual concept for. If anyone has done one, and can share some pages with me (minus names and details for privacy) I would appreciate it. I just need a base from which to jump from. Thanks!

[Launa]

Wow Beth! Sounds like a great idea! I think Zaz is working on something like this for her DS and DD. Good luck!

[Zaz]

Hi Beth,
My kids lifebooks are definitely works in progress and will be for years to come. I'm also working on helping some other people with theirs. I started doing them using paper scrapping, but I'm getting a lot farther with digital. You are welcome to email me at digizaz-scrap@yahoo.com and I can talk to you about specifics. I haven't posted any of my kids lifebook pages because they really are personal to them (okay, so my daughter has only been with us for the last two weeks so she doesn't really have an opinion yet). I'd love to help in any way I can. I bought a workbook and it drove me nuts since they didn't show any examples, just gave ideas. I'm very visual.

I love to hear that people are doing lifebooks for their adopted kids! They are SO important!

~Zaz

[A & A's Mommy]

Can I email you too, Zaz? I ordered a lifebook but it's hokey and only allows for about 5 photos total I'd rather do my own!! I'd love a kick in the hiney as to where to get started.

Aidan's only 3 but I'd like to get a start so I'm not consistently 3 yrs behind!! LOL

Amanda

[Zaz]

A & A's Mommy, on Jan 28 2008, 01:15 PM, said:

Can I email you too, Zaz? I ordered a lifebook but it's hokey and only allows for about 5 photos total I'd rather do my own!! I'd love a kick in the hiney as to where to get started.

Aidan's only 3 but I'd like to get a start so I'm not consistently 3 yrs behind!! LOL

Amanda

Be my guest! Only 5 photos? Are they kidding? Yikes! A lifebook should be an ongoing project that your child will eventually do most of the work on. At least that's what I was always taught. Isaiah now has a say in his lifebook since he is five. He draws pictures and tells me what he thinks about stuff and I put it together. He really thinks about these things.

At least with digital, you can go back and change things if you don't like how you did it. Just get SOMETHING put together and play with it from there.

~Zaz

[ginaMO]

I am working on 3 lifebooks for our kids, but since they came to us as teens, my approach is probably very different that what you ladies are working on. We have been able to put all our kids back in contact with their bio parents, and they have given us some photos of the kids as babies and small children. Unfortunately there are a lot of missing years while they were bouncing around in foster care. When we get foster kids in, they get a life book the day they move in. I take some photos and do a couple layouts for them. Even our emergency care kids leave here with a record of their time with us, even if it was only a few days.

[galinjapan]

hi Beth..

I am also working on my DS adoption book (Agust 28, 2007)... I was lucky to have found a very helpful adoption book that the adoption association of my country published... however it is very shabby looking... printed on regular paper... but the content is amazing...

besides the obvious like talk about mom and dad and things you find in regular baby books... it contains things like:

PS...my book is in French so this is my translation...

** Mommy, Daddy, tell me how you felt when you contacted the adoption agency for the first time?

** Why did you decide to adopt from ??? (country)?

** Mommy and Daddy had to prepare soooo many papers for my adoption...
(list the documents)

And the one that still makes me cry everytime I read it... It is quite long... so I hope my translation will do it justice....

** Bye Bye Sadness... Welcome Happy Days ...
'It's unbelieveable... Imaginable... We are parents... Our little angel has entered our lives.... We are now living emotions almost indescribiable (???) of all of our existance... On (date) the telephone rang and....

Zaz did a dance in her kitchen... I yelled so loud that I scared the crap out of the visitors at my house...

It includes a whole lot of things like arrival home... first X-mas... 1st family vacation...

The book is about 50 pages... the stuff the author came up with is amazing... (author is an adoptive mother... so she knew what people wanted out of this book)

If you need ideas... let me know... to list the total content will take too long... but if many of you are interested in the content... I might be game enough to translate it a little at a time... I don't know about copyright though... but since it will be used only for personal purposes... I don't think it will be a problem... The book is about 50 pages... and lists all the steps from adoptive parents' decision to adopt and the first of everything...

P.S. sorry for potential mistakes... I'm past my bedtime...



Josee

[carych]

I wish I could interest my daughter in her lifebook. Not only does SHE not want to be involved with doing one, she doesn't want me to work on one. She'd rather I scrap her life NOW. She has some real issues with talking about her early life in China.

I had gathered resources for doing one (I still have hopes!) and one source is a lifebooks online newsletter that is sent out by Beth O'Malley who has written books on Lifebooks. Her email address is lifebooks@earthlink.net. If any of your children are from China, there is a great site called www.chinadigitalscrapbooks.com which is a support site for those doing lifebooks. HTH!

[galinjapan]

I'm sorry Cary about your daughter's reaction to her lifebook... however, I see the completion of my son's life book as my responsiblity to remember all of the special events (and since my memory is soo bad I better do it now)... and if he wants to see it regularly he will... if he wants to ignore it... at least it will be done for when he will ask to see it... I am doing his lifebook as a gift of love for him... he might not appreciate it now... but one day he will... even if it the the day he becomes a father..!

Hope things will get better with your daugher... how long has she been with you? and how old is she now? I've had my son for only 5 months (yesterday) and he is only 2 years old... so I am still a very novice mother.

josee

[carych]

Kiera will be 13 on Saturday (yikes!) and we became a family when she was six months old. Kiera has great difficulty dealing with strong emotions which is why I think she doesn't want to do the lifebook. I did a scrapbook just after she came home that documents my journey to her so she does have that one. I am keeping a file of all the other information I've gathered in the hopes that she will someday change her mind. I know the teenage years are when children work on their identities; "who am I", so she may become interested then. If not, I will probably do it myself. In lifebook seminars I've gone to, they discuss the importance of having the child share in creating it. I don't think that's a "have to" and pages can always be added later but I know Kiera wouldn't be happy if she saw me working on one.

For now, she loves it when I take pictures of her and her horse and scrapbook those, and she's really getting into sharing photography with me. So, I'm focusing on what seems to bring her contentment now and trying to follow her lead on her adoption story. Kiera's a tough one since she won't share her deepest feelings so I'm going with my gut and hoping it's the right decision!

Congratulations on being a new mom!


Hope things will get better with your daugher... how long has she been with you? and how old is she now? I've had my son for only 5 months (yesterday) and he is only 2 years old... so I am still a very novice mother.

josee
[/quote]

[Zaz]

One book I read on doing lifebooks talks about them ONLY being from the child's perspective and ONLY prior to them becoming part of our families. I don't like that approach, but I AM doing it from their perspectives. And it will be ongoing. Their lives didn't stop or start when they became part of our family.

One of my friends growing up was adopted from another country when she was 7. She is now in her 40s. She wasn't really excited for us when we adopted Isaiah. It wasn't until she was an adult that she decided that she wanted to have the letter that came with her from her birth mother translated. I think she was one of seven children and always figured her birth mother loved her the least (live with THAT!). When the letter was finally translated, her birth mother actually said that she loved her the MOST and wanted her to have a better life than she could give her. It's too bad she spent so much of her life believing one thing to be true when it wasn't. She was also pretty prejudiced against anyone of her race. Now she has the most beautiful children and I don't know how she could deny that they look a lot like her. I'm just hoping she has finally come to terms with her past.

That's why I am collecting as much information as I can about my kids before they got here. I met with my DD's birth mother twice. We spent the whole day with her when we went to pick up our DD two weeks ago. At the end of the day, she gave us her blessing and congratulated us. We promised to keep in contact and send her photos. I even promised to bring our DD back to Haiti when it was feasible. I know very little about our DS's birth family and he really wishes he knew more. I intend to do a bit more digging on our next trip without trying to interfere in his birth parents lives. It's a tough balance.

I'm so glad to hear that there are others here that are interested in doing lifebooks for their adopted AND foster kids (that is just awesome, Gina). Maybe we could do a chat sometime. I'd be more than happy to help with that.

~Zaz

[carych]

Zaz -

How wonderful that you were able to spend time with your DD's birth mother! I so wish I knew something about Kiera's. I think the abandonment issue weighs very heavily on her - and that the only facts we have are the name of the little town in which she was found. Congratulations on being a mother again!

Zaz, on Jan 29 2008, 09:49 AM, said:

One book I read on doing lifebooks talks about them ONLY being from the child's perspective and ONLY prior to them becoming part of our families. I don't like that approach, but I AM doing it from their perspectives. And it will be ongoing. Their lives didn't stop or start when they became part of our family.

One of my friends growing up was adopted from another country when she was 7. She is now in her 40s. She wasn't really excited for us when we adopted Isaiah. It wasn't until she was an adult that she decided that she wanted to have the letter that came with her from her birth mother translated. I think she was one of seven children and always figured her birth mother loved her the least (live with THAT!). When the letter was finally translated, her birth mother actually said that she loved her the MOST and wanted her to have a better life than she could give her. It's too bad she spent so much of her life believing one thing to be true when it wasn't. She was also pretty prejudiced against anyone of her race. Now she has the most beautiful children and I don't know how she could deny that they look a lot like her. I'm just hoping she has finally come to terms with her past.

That's why I am collecting as much information as I can about my kids before they got here. I met with my DD's birth mother twice. We spent the whole day with her when we went to pick up our DD two weeks ago. At the end of the day, she gave us her blessing and congratulated us. We promised to keep in contact and send her photos. I even promised to bring our DD back to Haiti when it was feasible. I know very little about our DS's birth family and he really wishes he knew more. I intend to do a bit more digging on our next trip without trying to interfere in his birth parents lives. It's a tough balance.

I'm so glad to hear that there are others here that are interested in doing lifebooks for their adopted AND foster kids (that is just awesome, Gina). Maybe we could do a chat sometime. I'd be more than happy to help with that.

~Zaz

[ginaMO]

I think a chat would be fantastic Zaz, there seem to be a lot of folks here working on this.

[A & A's Mommy]

Our DS is from Kazakhstan and we met him when he was 8 months old. We have virtually no information on his birth parents. The letter of relinquishment was very cold and only stated the minimal that was legally required. We intend on answering every question DS has as best we can but our information is so limited. So we decided to make our lifebook focused more on how we came to bring him home and how God's wonderful plan was that although another woman gave birth to him he is our son. We never doubt that for a second. We were fortunate enough to actually live in Kaz for over 9 weeks in an apartment and were able to take a lot of information with us about the country in which he was born. We kept a daily journal and have over 2500 pictures.

We want this to be his life book just as we have one for the daughter we were biologically blessed to have. Both of them will have input as they become able. However, we've only seen lifebooks that are Mom/Dad perspective only.

Ladies I definitely think we should start a group/chat/something. We could post questions, share ideas, share love, stories, etc. It doesn't have to be adoption/foster care only. We are doing a lifebook for our daughter too.

The lifebook we bought (i do not like for the most part) does have some cool questions so I could post those to get the ball rolling!

A

[galinjapan]

I also have all the family information of my DS... Which we really appreciate... including name of grand-parents and family history... his birth parents have 5 children other than our DS... yes, they have been together since 1994... and proverty is the only reason we have our DS... which sometimes still makes me so sad... I know he is loved in our family... but he is also loved by his birth parents and sibblings... I send them pictures regularly... but I think I will need to reduce the amounts to what the governments requires... Since I will never get responses from his BPs... I don't know if I'm hurting them more or not. I'm really struggling with this...

We could have met his BP and sibblings when we travelled to the island to pick him up... but my DH and I were both too insecure... our DS is our first child after years of h... with IVF (sorry, it was really), and we're still trying very hard to get a family dinamic going. We were told by the government that his BPs only knows our nationality and that he was coming to live in Japan with us. However, DH and I lived in the Carribean for 3 years, so we know that they were told by other people that we were on the island to pick up our DS and we know that they have at least seen us interact with our DS in public... We spent two weeks on the island and it was our 7th visit... so we are known by quite a lot of people on that island.

Well... my intention was to just tell you that I tag all the pics that are sent to his BPs... so he knows what their album of him looks like.

Sorry my note turned into a novel...!

Josee

[carych]

Josee -

What a great idea to tag the pictures so you can keep track. I have a file (on my computer) of copies of the picures I have sent to Kiera's orphanage. I belong to a Yahoo group of families that have adopted from there. Families that travel back to visit take packages and pictures for us and share their pictures of the building/town and staff when they come back. I burst into tears when I heard that one of the nannies still remembers Kiera. I also used Asia Threads to take pictures of Kiera's "finding place" and the town where she was found. I've shown her the pictures but she looked once and wanted them put away. She knows where they are though should she ever want to look at them without me.

I understand your struggle with the letters to your DS birth family. Do you think you'll ever hear from his siblings? I love my daughter with all my heart and sometimes I look at her and I grieve for her birth family and wish they could know what a wonderful person she is.


Cary

galinjapan, on Jan 30 2008, 04:21 AM, said:

I also have all the family information of my DS... Which we really appreciate... including name of grand-parents and family history... his birth parents have 5 children other than our DS... yes, they have been together since 1994... and proverty is the only reason we have our DS... which sometimes still makes me so sad... I know he is loved in our family... but he is also loved by his birth parents and sibblings... I send them pictures regularly... but I think I will need to reduce the amounts to what the governments requires... Since I will never get responses from his BPs... I don't know if I'm hurting them more or not. I'm really struggling with this...

We could have met his BP and sibblings when we travelled to the island to pick him up... but my DH and I were both too insecure... our DS is our first child after years of h... with IVF (sorry, it was really), and we're still trying very hard to get a family dinamic going. We were told by the government that his BPs only knows our nationality and that he was coming to live in Japan with us. However, DH and I lived in the Carribean for 3 years, so we know that they were told by other people that we were on the island to pick up our DS and we know that they have at least seen us interact with our DS in public... We spent two weeks on the island and it was our 7th visit... so we are known by quite a lot of people on that island.

Well... my intention was to just tell you that I tag all the pics that are sent to his BPs... so he knows what their album of him looks like.

Sorry my note turned into a novel...!

Josee

[galinjapan]

Cary...

Yes, we will return to the island... mainly since we just love it... and at this time of year... that's when we miss it most. We have very dear friends there now... and fingers crossed... we are hoping to adopt another child soon... so yes, our DS will return to his birth place on a regular basis... and later -- mainly when his parents... me and my husband will be secure enough in our role... we will contact his birth family for visits. We have a close adoption... but having had the opportunity to enjoyed the Carribean lifestyle, I truly believe I owe it to them to have their biological child visit once in a while. I was told by his foster family that he looks exactly like his dad... and two of his sibblings are exact replicas of our son.!

We researched the countries of adoption for a long time before chosing where to adopt. the main reason is that we didn't want a child with no past... our adoption lasted a few weeks short of 4 years... and we lost our first baby because his birth mother changed her mind the day before the adoption when to court. But even through the tears and heartache of this deception... I was never angry at her or the process... how can you be mad at a woman because she wants to raise her child..? But for us, all these long years were worth waiting because we will be able to answer his questions as he asks them... and even be able to tell him that we will visit his birth family when he will enquire where he comes from.

josee

[siskitkat]

I did one page a year ago during a High Noon Crop. I haven't done anything since then. I focus on their lives since they joined us. We keep in touch with the maternal grandmother. So, pictures of her are part of their scrapbooks. And the kids still keep the life book that I did to introduce ourselves in their scrapbooks.
Washington DSHS has links on its web site to resources. I sent those links to Ro when we discussing an adoption themed collection. (It's called Heart in Hand. I also like to use the Intersect collection.

[disneymom]

Wow. I didn't realize so many of us had adopted. I have never heard of life books before...I just made baby books and put all the adoption stuff in where the pregnancy stuff would have gone. I am definately interested in seeing some.

[ginaMO]

disneymom, on Jan 30 2008, 11:35 PM, said:

Wow. I didn't realize so many of us had adopted. I have never heard of life books before...I just made baby books and put all the adoption stuff in where the pregnancy stuff would have gone. I am definately interested in seeing some.

This seems such a common thread running through the SG families. It is wonderful to be able to discuss and know that other people have been there and understand. And Theresa gave us our own place on the board!

[Zaz]

Well, maybe there really are enough of us to start a chat. Is there a time that will OR won't work for anyone? I'll take it to the powers that be and see what we can arrange. It would be good to have an idea of a day and time, though.

I had always planned to just do the baby book thing, too, but our social worker insisted that it had to include certain aspects relating to our child's life before he was adopted (we were planning on adopting an infant at the time and I didn't get that at first). Being that my kids were older (17 months and 34 months) when we got them, there was a LOT of stuff to include. If we chat, perhaps we could have a challenge, too. We could throw out some questions to work on before the chat and you could pick one to think about. I wouldn't expect a page to be done. Sometimes I think it's enough to try to figure out how you would talk about something that might be difficult. Gets the mind going.

Throw me some day/time input and I'll get right to work.

~Zaz

[ginaMO]

Look what is available! I love the Chicken Soup books and my kids have read several of them as well. Here's Chicken Soup for the Adopted Soul. Bet it will be good.

[galinjapan]

Hi everyone...

Chicken Soup for the Adopted Soul... that's great...! I'll just have to hunt it down in my part of the world... don't you just love AMAZON... they deliver everywhere!

Would love to be part of the chat group... but unless it is in the morning for you... which I assume is inconvinient you'll have to count me out... I'm 14 hours ahead of New York... whichever times zone it's in!

Well, I'll better get back to my lo... I'm actually excited...! I've finally had enough time and brain cells left last night to do some tutorials... yeah... and now that my DS is napping... and it's Saturday... day off from housework... I'm scrapbooking!

I do hope to have something posted soon so you can all critique it...! Have a great week-end everyone... we're back to regular temperture here after a cold spell... so tomorrow we're heading to the aquarium... lots and lots of pics to be taken for future layouts...

have a great one...

Josee

[goofyemt96]

Hey Zaz Maybe one of the designers could come up with a Lifebook Template....I mean with everyondes input I am sure that one of the designers would be willing to work on it...

[ginaMO]

I'm still avidly watching this thread. I don't really have a time or day preference, as a work from home mom I can work my schedule to whatever you set.

[BethLang]

Zaz, any luck on getting a chat going? I didn't know we would have such a good response on this topic, and I think I could get my tushy in gear on my DD's lifebook better if we had a chat session.
I do plan on emailing you, too! And I love Josee's wording that she translated out of the book she is using.
I am a visual person, too, and have no concept of how to put a lifebook together. I am currently putting one together (toddler version) using paper scrapping in an 8x8 book. Understanding that this is not the end of her story, I have another version going on in online photobook sort of thing. But even that doesn't feel right to me. There are too many things I want to include, like copies of plane tickets, lots of photos, napkins, chopsticks, things I picked up in Korea. And her documents, like birth certificate, church bulletin (from her arrival announcement and her altar rose), etc..
I really would love to chat with others out there about this project. I feel I need a flow of ideas!

[BethLang]

COULD one of the designers make a lifebook template? What a great idea, Mary!

[TracEy]

I love that idea. How about a Lifebook Collection?

[Zaz]

If we do a chat, would you guys like a topic to discuss or an assignment before or after chat? I'm just trying to put together my "formal" proposal to the powers that be. This is the first time I've proposed a chat since joining the team, so I'd like to do it right. The idea has already been put forth. I'm just waiting for some feedback.

I guess I like the idea of a template better than a collection because all of our stories are SO different (foster, domestic adoption, international adoption, family adoption, etc) that it would be hard to contain all that in one collection and do a decent job. I've actually been putting together a template for friends for a while now, but I'm not a professional designer, so I'm out.

I'm just so glad there are other adoptive families on the board. When I started last year, I posted the topic and got very little response. This is encouraging!

~Zaz

[ginaMO]

Zaz, you need to talk to some of the designers and see who might be interested in using your ideas and working with you on a collaboration template set.