[scrappinchar]

Anybody watch her?
I record (DVR, PVR, whatever it's called) her shows. I'm back and forth right now watching the last one I had recorded and checking the boards.

I think I watch it because it makes me appreciate my children all the more.

This might sound crazy, but I never use a naughty step or mat or anything because I don't feel I ever need to go that far. Meaning, if the boys do something (like maybe tumbling around with each other and I am scared they'll roll over towards a table and bump their head) I just say, "Stop." And they do.

The one I'm watching right now...the one boy in particular (5 years old), hits his brother and Dad. All-out hitting and yelling. I would not know what to do.

So, thank you, Lord, for my 2 well-behaved, respectful, sweet boys.

[ManiakMama]

I watch her and am prepared to use her techniques if need be. We have a time out chair, but use it maybe once a week at most. I do use her 1 minute/per year of age rule for timeouts as well. I love watching her show, but its quite said how out of control some of those kids are.

[Wxchic]

I used to watch this and I thought the same thing...my kids are ANGELS! How blessed am I? But I think in the end it all comes down to parenting. If you can't relate to how those kids act in the show then you must be doing something right! At least, that is how I walk away feeling. It is an eye opener, isn't it?

[scrappinchar]

I have looked around before and thought, "Where is the naughty spot going to be?" I never had to decide because the boys always correct themselves if I tell them to stop doing something.

I'm all for her techniques...I'm just fortunate that I haven't needed to use many of them.

[goofyemt96]

Ohh yeah i watch this and think ohh i don't have it bad at all...My son has always been well behaved.. I mean i even get others that say the same when im not around...Now my DD on the other hand..and i totally believe its the age is just totally a terror....I gave her time out yesterday and i said okay Dakota lets go to time out you did this and it was bad..and she comes back with ......Mommy I not bad $%$ Dakota i not need time out i good $&$ Dakota...Well then i had to really be stern...i have no clue where she is learning these words......But she has yet to say another bad one...So hopefully it worked....But yeah i love the show...cuz i can just sit back and think wow its really not that bad!

[regulargal]

That show used to scare the life out of dh and I when I was pregnant! lol I think it is the extreme behaviour that is reflected there. We don't watch it as much now but I do use some of their techiques - the bedtime stuff for instance. When dd gets out of bed after being put down, I just bring her right back again - it works most of the time! I love their organizational tips too for older kids, keeping charts on the wall, organizing chores with little rewards and all. I hope to use those as dd gets older. The time-out doesn't work for me, not sure why. DD just won't stay put!

[Julie - scrapaholic]

I have watched that, and thank God, that my DD was never like any of those children, or I guess I did a good job. Other than the teenage mouth, which is getting better, I am so lucky. I never really had to do much discipline she really was pretty good. And now, she is a High Honor roll student and still good.

[ChristyVW]

When I watch that show, my heart just goes out to the families. They want so bad for things to be different in their homes, but they have no idea how to undo the damage that has been done! It is so encouraging when they can heed the advice given and start to see change!! (it makes me thankful for my kids as well!)

[siskitkat]

I haven't watched it in a long time. When I did watch it, my first thought was, "My marriage isn't like that." My husband helps out, and we agree on discipline. We do use sticker charts, and time-outs. We've found that it doesn't always work with our oldest. He can stop caring about the sticker chart, and time-out starts to mean pause, and not stop.

[scrappinchar]

There's a new episode on tonight.
I guess I figure I might need some of her suggestions as my boys get older. Charts and stuff.

But, I like that it reminds me how great my boys are.

[sheriL]

I actually haven't ever watched it, but I do need to put my plug in for parents of the kids with "extreme" behavior. As a mother of 4 all with their own very different personalities, I've come to realize that while our actions as parents of course are important, having a child who acts out doesn't necessarily mean it's the parents' fault. I read an awesome book awhile ago called "Raising your spirited Child", can't remember the author. The book points out that some kids just seem to feel everything more intensely than most - physically & emotionally. When the rest of us are thinking "calm down, it's not a big deal", it really is a big deal to them. There are definitely things to do to help things run more smoothly, but they will always be more likely to act in what seems like an "over-reacting" way to most of us. On the positive side, as I've noticed with my spirited dd, while the lows can be unbelievable low, the highs are there too. We get caught up in the explosions, and sometimes forget that that same child can also be the biggest burst of sunlight in our lives.

[scrappinchar]

Sheri,
I remember on one of the episodes, Jo (Supernanny) was addressing issues like that. Helping the parents put things into perspective of how the child sees/feels things. She had them approach some things differently than most of the other families she helps.

Overall, I thinks she's helping a lot of people. It's certainly an alternative to some ways that parents are approaching teaching or disciplining their children.

Some of the children on the show are pre-teens or teens. I'm keeping some of her suggestions in mind in case I have to use them when they are that age. lol

[nicole_j]

I like the show. I think the best thing about it is she shows that there should be a consistent discipline for "naughty actions/behavior" I really agree. I know some who just say "no, no" to their kids when they are acting out and the kids just keep doing it... I've found that using time out consistently for certain actions in a matter of a few days makes it stop. I hardly even use time out that often because my DS knows that is the consequence if he doesn't stop. Of course ... like anything...one system isn't for everyone

[SandiC.]

I've only watched the show occassionally, but what strikes me is that she is mostly training the parents to be firm, loving and consistent. I think some of the parents are so disorganized in their lives, they can't teach their children how to behave. Now that my grandkids live with me, once in a great while we do the naughty step for a few minutes and its very effective. haven't needed it in weeks now. My DS and wife and kids just went on a float trip with several other families and their kids and two kids from one other family were the only ones who had any fun and didn't make everyone else miserable. Structure and consistency are how to have great kids.

[J9Buckles]

scrappin'doc, on Aug 10 2008, 10:09 PM, said:

Structure and consistency are how to have great kids.

Amen sister! It's hard to do but oh, so worth it!

[Zaz]

I used to watch the show when we could get it (I don't have cable). My kids aren't as bad as the ones I saw on the show, but my DD has bit my DS four days in a row now. I guess that makes me a bad parent. Some kids don't respond to certain methods. And I have TWO spirited children. My DS is easier to correct than my DD. I do think part of my DD's issue is her age. She is 3 1/2. Well, she was also institutionalized for almost three years, too (orphanage), so it's no wonder that her brain works a bit differently than the average kid.

Just don't judge parents too harshly because of their children's behavior. Not everyone was given an angelic child. And yes, count your blessings if you have one of those. Dealing with "spiritedness" is not an easy road. I will say, though, in my childrens' defense, that their passions run both ways. When there is joy in our household, it is just as overwhelming but in a good way.

[SydneyScrapper]

sheriL, on Feb 7 2008, 03:33 AM, said:

I actually haven't ever watched it, but I do need to put my plug in for parents of the kids with "extreme" behavior. As a mother of 4 all with their own very different personalities, I've come to realize that while our actions as parents of course are important, having a child who acts out doesn't necessarily mean it's the parents' fault. I read an awesome book awhile ago called "Raising your spirited Child", can't remember the author. The book points out that some kids just seem to feel everything more intensely than most - physically & emotionally. When the rest of us are thinking "calm down, it's not a big deal", it really is a big deal to them. There are definitely things to do to help things run more smoothly, but they will always be more likely to act in what seems like an "over-reacting" way to most of us. On the positive side, as I've noticed with my spirited dd, while the lows can be unbelievable low, the highs are there too. We get caught up in the explosions, and sometimes forget that that same child can also be the biggest burst of sunlight in our lives.

Thank you Sheri for your words. I have a reasonably compliant 13yo DS and a more difficult 11yo DD. She is also that "burst of sunlight" and the highs are high and the lows can be explosive! Every child is different and anyone who has compliant children, you are blessed, but Sheri is so right, sometimes our difficult kids are also our greatest blessing. I was using the "time out step" (in my house it's a step) and the "back to bed" stuff before Jo Frost ever became famous (don't need those strategies now my kids are older) and I agree with ScrappinDoc - it's old-fashioned consistency, it's common sense, it's tough love, and it works! Those families who are on her show are only really struggling because they've simply never been told or shown how to do that common sense, tough love stuff. Just my thoughts.

[SandiC.]

I had three boys, 1st was a little angel until around 8 years, 2nd never gave any problems, but was the laziest creature on earth, 3rd was a little hellion, thinking the world was created to revolve around him. Most of the time though, as toddlers, they were fairly reasonable to deal with. Once they got to be teens it was more difficult for all of us. Its funny though that now they are all over 30 and they are nice, productive men. No child is going to behave perfectly all the the time, but some of those children on that show are almost pathologic in their behavior. I think the real problems aren't the occasional naughty behavior all kids do but the pervasive out of control every waking moment kids. And being a parent is the hardest job in the world and there is no way to get it all right and yet mostly in the end, everybody's just fine. I look back now and see all the things I woulda, shoulda, coulda done differently. At the time I did the best I could and there were a lot of things I did right and some things were really bad. My mom was 42 when i was born and her maturity made her a much better parent than I was capable of being in my 20s. I wish they had come with instructions. I think one of the things that helped me was Dr. James Dobson's, The Strong willed child. Different kids need different ways to be handled and trained, just like all of us react to different ways of dealing with others. No one technique or method or whatever will be the right thing for any particular child. But consistency, that thing that wears us down the most, is still the cornerstone of being a good parent. Its also the most elusive and difficult.

[Burnsie]

Hey Zaz,

All kids go through the biting stage! The one remedy that worked in our house was administering a mouthful of lemon juice immediately after the biting. The biting ended after the second time.

[scrappinchar]

Zaz...that does NOT make you a bad parent!

And, I'm hoping I didn't say something that sounded judgemental of parents.
I was just feeling thankful that my boys seem fairly mild-mannered and obedient. Never had to deal much with hitting or screaming or such. I don't think they ever bit or kicked. They probably hit each other a few times if I recall.

Basically...I just feel blessed. The Lord knows I'd probably "fall apart" if they behaved like some of the children I've seen on the show...'cause I wouldn't probably handle it very well.

I did, actually, use a sort of time-out situation the other day. I was about to put dinner on the table and they were playing in the living room...then running through the kitchen chasing each other. Nothing really "wrong" but they were being kind of loud and I just wasn't in the mood for it. I asked them to stop...they did for a minute then got loud again. So, I had them wash their hands and sit in their chairs at the table and not say a word until I had the food on the table (about 3 minutes later.) I told them, next time, if I say to quiet down, then they will do so if they want to continue playing.

Maybe it's that the Lord gives you what you can handle. He probably knows I'd be crying and a mess if my boys were hard for me to handle. Of course, I'm always doubting my parenting skills. Maybe that's normal to do?

[Zaz]

Burnsie, on Aug 11 2008, 08:39 AM, said:

Hey Zaz,

All kids go through the biting stage! The one remedy that worked in our house was administering a mouthful of lemon juice immediately after the biting. The biting ended after the second time.

Janae loves lemon juice. And this round of biting started at preschool and they can't do stuff like that anyway. *sigh* She went about a month without biting anyone. Isaiah was over this "stage" at about 2 1/2. Janae actually has scars in the shape of teeth on her arm so I know it was a regular tactic in Haiti. I'm fighting years of "training" and sometimes it feels like a losing battle.

I was an extremely compliant child. This doesn't seem fair.

[J9Buckles]

Oh Carol Ann, my heart goes out to you. What a frustrating set of circumstances this must be. I remember a time, about age 3 and 4 that Evan would bite his arm if he got frustrated. It's been a while (and my memory sucks) so I can't remember why or when it stopped but it did. My son bit the cat's ear once but only once because the cat swiped him, claws open!

I will pray for you - pray for peace in your home and extra love and gentleness for you. God is using you for a good purpose.

[Zaz]

scrappinchar, on Aug 11 2008, 08:59 AM, said:

Maybe it's that the Lord gives you what you can handle. He probably knows I'd be crying and a mess if my boys were hard for me to handle. Of course, I'm always doubting my parenting skills. Maybe that's normal to do?

Thanks, Char. I just wanted to make sure that it was clear that some children are NOT as easy to deal with as others. Some people have told me that I'm too tough on my kids, but they need me to be tough. They would literally run amok if I didn't have fairly tight reigns. Isaiah is getting old enough that he understands why I do what I do and he told me that he's glad I'm teaching him the right things. At preschool, on his teacher's last day, she decided to play a movie that I REALLY don't approve of. Isaiah told her twice that his mom said he can't watch that movie. She played it anyway (boy, am I glad she only lasted three weeks). Isaiah told me later that the characters in the movie made a lot of bad choices and he knew why Mommy didn't like it. I was so proud of him. That showed me that I was doing something right for a change. And boy, did I need that.

Char, without God to lean on, this would be an impossible task for me. I fall apart now and then. I've called Bryan at work and told him that I'm not up to the job. I just found out that another friend of mine did the same thing with her DH. I felt a LOT better after that as I actually believed she had it all figured out. Sometimes it helps to know that other people have similar struggles. I just know that my kids are worth the trouble we are having right now and that makes it a bit easier.

[MelJohnson]

While things at my house aren't as bad as most of the Supernanny shows I've watched, I can definitely relate to the feelings of discouragement that many of the parents express. In spite of DH and I being on the same page with discipline and being consistent with our boys, we have three that are extremely strong-willed. Extremely. I think they inherited it from me because I grew up hearing stories about how I almost "broke" my father, who is a very strict disciplinarian. He said he was just about to give up when I suddenly started being obedient around the age of 6. He said it was like it finally just clicked with me and from then on, they never really had any problems with me. Also, my oldest has some language delays that contributed to his stubbornness as a toddler and my second son adopted some of those same behaviors simply because he thought it was normal. As anyone with more than 1 kid will tell you, it's important to get things right with the first one because the younger ones watch him/her. For us, this was an additional challenge because of our older son's challenges.

I keep hanging on to the hope that things *will* get better for me with my boys. I know that there's a reason that God gave me the boys he did and ultimately, I believe he's working out things in *me* through this tendency in all of us to be strong-willed. Frankly, I don't think my faith walk would be nearly as strong as it is now if my children hadn't forced me to my knees as often as they have. I think I understand a little bit about what God has gone through with me at various points in my life because of what I go through with them.

I was going to post a thread on Friday about an experience I had at the mall that day but never got around to it. This seems like a good place to relate the story. I was sitting in the food court with my boys. I'd just given them their food and we were all starting to eat when the mom at the table next to ours (she also had 3 kids--2 older girls and a baby boy) started yelling at her daughter. I didn't even glance over at her but I immediately recognized the tone as one that I often use myself. I thought to myself "I should pray for this woman" but before I could even formulate a thought beyond that one, she started talking to me. "Do your boys play well together?" she asked. I went on to tell her that they did for the most part, that the struggle right now is the baby wanting to join in and them not letting him, etc. She replied that her girls did NOT play well together and that her days were a constant struggle to break up the fights, the whining, etc. She said she felt like the world's worst parent most of the time. I told her that we sometimes had those same issues but that they seemed to be getting better as they were maturing. All during this time, I should add, my boys were sitting there as quiet as lambs, eating their food and being the epitome of obedience. Definitely not my usual experience at the mall! As she and I continued to talk, I just tried to speak encouraging words to her, assuring her that I at least often felt the same way as she did. When we were finished eating, I cleared off our table and sent the boys off to the carousel. I turned back, told her to have a good day, and said "You're definitely NOT alone." She smiled, and that was that. I really believe that God used me to speak life to her that day.

Burnsie, I like your lemon juice idea. We've done the soap thing for mouth offenses--biting or bad words (stupid, shut up)--but I think lemon juice would be even more effective. I may have to try that one!

[scrappinchar]

Well, Zaz, speaking from afar...my respect and admiration goes out to you.
And what you are calling "tough" parenting...it's probably mild compared to generations ago. Meaning, times have changed and society has changed...but some things need to continue on (even if called tough.) Like teaching those high standards and expectations to our children. Keep it up...it will pay off. I'm sure you are familiar with Prov 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it."

And I'm glad you have a friend you can share your situations or frustrations with. And, of course us gals here. lol

Yes, your children are worth any struggles. They are blessed to have you.

[SandiC.]

Zaz, you are so right that some kids are harder than others. Sounds to me like your doing great. Biting is a normal stage that many preschoolers go through. its tough though. One of my boys tried that a few times, but it didn't get to be a huge problem. I don't remember how we handled it. The problem was more of our kids being bitten by other kids. Love that your DS is getting the thing about good choices and bad choices. Tells me YOU have made some terrific choices. Another thought on the show. It is TV and we only see little short pieces of hours and hours of taping, so what we see on TV is probably not really too close to what those families are really like. We should have Scrapgirls merit badges for surviving all the different difficult stages of parenting. I've survived delayed potty training, 8 year old running away, teenager MIP'd. Teenage depression, brilliant underachiever, HS dropout (who now owns his own company at age 30), broken arms, broken legs, fights, illegal fireworks, bully's, late homework, missed schoolbuses. yep we need awards for all we go through.

[dorasinger]

I think the biggest thing I learned from that show is consistency and sticking with the technique or punishment no matter what. It seemed that most of the kids on that show were out of control because the parents weren't consistent or they buckled when the child started screaming just to get the screaming to stop. Kids learn very fast and negative behavior is really hard to stop when it has become ingrained after a long time. I think just start being consistent from the time they are babies and you'll have less out of control kids.

I like all the different perspectives I've seen on this particular thread. So many wise moms out there.

[sweetaudrey]

Does anybody know if Suppernanny has children of her own?

[scrappinchar]

sweetaudrey, on Aug 11 2008, 08:38 AM, said:

Does anybody know if Suppernanny has children of her own?

I'm pretty positive that she doesn't. Her career was as a nanny.

[britchic]

I liked the show until i was pregnant and then it freaked me out !! Some of it must have stuck though, DD is starting to have tantrums and I keep to the rule of no matter how frustrated I am, I stay cool and consistant with her. I've adapted it to telling her that I'm counting to 3 and then what I'm going to do if she's either just sitting in the middle of the road (no cars coming !!) or having an tantrum where it's just not appropriate for more than a short while, the i count out loud to 3 and usually pick her up (flopping body and all - how do they learn that trick!!). I don't think i see her bevavious stopping but it helps me deal with it and puts her in a safe place. I tens to talk with her too, like I don't mind if she's cross but there's no throwing, hitting allowed. She's so msart and i know she's listening so i just hope she gets it sometime. She started to bang her head on the floor but as we have ceramic tiles almost everywhere she pretends now or moves on to the carpet to do it gently...my MIL thinks we're so harsh as we leave her be most of the time, always in eye range and carry on as normal, talking with her about whats made her angry rather than pick her up and cuddle her, she told my DH that he none of her children banged their heads and that she might not be able to look after her as she needs watching all the time. a few months ago i would have been so annoyed but now i'm cool with it, she's a live wire, curious and full of live and laughter and i wouldn't change that for the world, i love her the way she is, tantrums, headbanging and sitting down inthe middle of the road !! i don't think my MIL sees how smart and funny she is and how much enthsiasm she has, like she can't see anything but the fact that she cries when she's not allowed to do stuff for herself. i try to work with it rather than against and give her stuff to do, like at lunch, she brings her juice cup to be filled and puts it on the table, then she takes her bib. i also tell her to give herself a clap and say well done when she's done something well and tell hewr what she did well like listening to me. i can't wait for reward charts !! does that sound a little odd, i guess i'm saying that i focus on what has been done well rather and correct as far as possible what isn't so good and keep it clear to her. phew that was longer than i intended !! oh and supernanny doesn't have any of her own kids which is why she's probably good at telling others how it is as she's not got the emotional baggage that us mums and dads have !!