[CRS]

My dh is scheduled to go to Wisconsin for a year starting March 1st. We've know about this since October. The start date changed 3 times since Christmas. I have been stressing about this a lot over the last few months, but I keep looking at the bright side: it's state side so we can visit; it's a lot of extra money; and most importantly, it should keep him from going overseas for the next 2 years (he's a reservist). Dh is currently in Wisconsin for the week working on this mission. He's coming home today, but called to tell me that they are pulling him from the mission because of his civilian job (as a military tech for his reserve unit). He has spent months training his replacements and working on this mission. They didn't even allow him to discuss the situation, then emailed him instead of telling him in person tomorrow, when he's back in the office.

After 12 years as a military wife, you would think I'd be used to this jerking around, changing plans, but this time I've had it. Don't get me wrong, I don't want dh to go, but we've already invested so much into this. I just hate how the military can torture us like this!

Thanks for letting me vent if you made it this far. I'm just so tired today, and this news just isn't helping my headache at all!

[DDecker]

Vent away and know we appreciate your hubby and familys service!

[bthornton17]

I hear you!!!! My DH has been in the Navy for almost 16 years and I still get upset when things go crazy.

Deployments are hard no matter where they are. My DH just returned to Germany from Afghanistan. Got back into his old squadron and has been gone most of Jan and will be gone most of Feb. Will it ever end I keep asking myself, yes it will and things will get better at our next duty station. We PCS to Pennsylvania in July.

Keep your chin up and try and find the good - that is the only thing that keeps me going when the military throws me a curve ball. Which happens alot!!!!!!

And we are here to hear your vents and support you. And just think now we have a forum where you can use the jargon without too many explanations - hehe!!

[CRS]

Thank you both! I feel better knowing I'm not alone in this frustration. It's hard to explain to family and friends because they just don't understand the military way.

[sprinklz]

Boy do I understand about the military (Navy) switching things around on you! My husband and I have gotten to the poin that I've told him to call me as he's getting on the plane to leave because they have changed his travel plans so many times over the years. Until I know he is actually getting on the plane, I don't believe he is coming home.

One time he came home from a two month deployment so I left work to pick him up. I dropped him off at home and he put his flight suits in the washer while I drove back to work. By the time I got to work, he called and said he was leaving again in less two hours. He had to pull his wet flight suits out of the washer and take them with him. He didn't even get to see the girls before he had to leave. And I had to be the one that told them, yes, your dad was home, but he's gone again.

It's hard to explain to someone that is non-military what it is really like to live with your life halfway on hold 24-7. That is why military spouses can put up with anything!

[DDecker]

I'm not a military wife but was raised in the Army, never quite knew when dad was going to be around or not. We were lucky that we stayed on the east coast near family while he was gone, that was back in the 60's and 70's. It gives one a real appreciation for staying put.

[Sarah in VA]

Oh Carla, you just vent away. A lot of us have been where you are now and it is just not fair! You know military wives are a tough bunch and can put up almost anything except the uncertainty. And when they keep changing their minds, and YOUR plans, the uncertainty gets to be just too much.

I do hope your headache gets much better this afternoon. And did I understand correctly, that he will NOT have to go on the year's deployment now, or just not now? I can see why you'd much prefer to have him go now and stay in the states, than having to face a deployment overseas in the future.

I'll be thinking about you.

[CRS]

He was told in an email this morning that he was removed from this mission. He's going to try to talk them into letting him back on it. But, there will be a separate mission to Iraq, probably in September. So if he doesn't go on this one, I'll have to worry about that one. And I thought the reserves would be less stress than active duty! I only had to live the active duty life for a year, and that was a pretty quiet year. But I was young, naive and had no kids then.

[jennk]

Oh Carla! I hate that your plans are up in the air. I know it is frustrating when you don't feel in control of what is happening. When you get super frustrated just remember that God's plan is in the works and He knows best. I hope years from now you will be able to look back at this time and see exactly why you and your family are going through this. Hang in there!

[teabaglady]

I hear you, Carla. I think the Uncertainty of All Things is one of the hardest aspects of military life. My husband is in the Canadian Air Force, and last fall we were all over the globe with possibilities. From him going to Afghanistan to us all being posted to Germany - the good and the bad had us on a roller coaster ride. None of them happened, but it shakes up your whole life when you don't know what's coming. Having things "confirmed" and then changed...it's enough to drive one batty! My Mum says to tell her where we're going when we get there. A friend of mine said their plans are set in warm jello!

Hang in there. We're all in this together.

[bthornton17]

Keep us posted on what happens and if we can do anything for you.

[MaryJo]

Oh I understand completely Carla! I don't think they think about these men and women as people. I truly believe they look at them like a posession .Its good you are able to vent here at SG's !!! I'm glad he'll be home, but the extra money would have been nice , too ... Well anyways I'm sorry for this issue! Hope you feel better now you have vented !

[Amysout]

Carla, I remember what that was like & am glad to not have to deal with it, from the military. It's so hard on the entire family - not knowing if & when things will happen as the military has planned. It's crazy!! Nothing is ever "for sure" & in the military you can either like your orders or "lump" 'em. In the civilian work world there's more of a sense of, "well they can't do that", or you feel like you can appeal to the decision makers at least.

I'll be thinking of you & please let us know what happens!

[Sarah in VA]

MaryJo, on Jan 31 2008, 04:41 PM, said:

Oh I understand completely Carla! I don't think they think about these men and women as people. I truly believe they look at them like a posession .Its good you are able to vent here at SG's !!! I'm glad he'll be home, but the extra money would have been nice , too ... Well anyways I'm sorry for this issue! Hope you feel better now you have vented !

Mary Jo, you're certainly right. They like to say they treat military personnel as people, and at times, they actually do, but in the end, they are considered assets! The military has the right to use them as they see fit.

Carla, maybe God has closed this door because he needs to have you husband stay home with you for now, and hopefully, by September we won't be in any fighting wars. It won't hurt to pray that he won't be needed in Iraq ever!

[Jo Corne]

oh Carla, so sorry to hear this. In all honesty, I have NO idea what you ladies go through, we are not as military a country as you guys are, yes we have the army etc but it doesn't seem to impact on as many of us here as it does there with you. That said, I do send you hugs, love and cyber chocolate that this will all get sorted out sooner rather than later. Your men are brave to go and do what they do, you women are braver (IMO) to be the ones left behine to carry the load. God bless you ALL for what you do.

[Tina M]

Oh Carla I do hope things get straightened out for you and the family. I'm not the kind of person that deals with constant changes once I'm given the "this is when and how". Vent and breathe...thats what I try to do too ..and well scrap scrap scrap... takes the mind elsewhere

[Canyon Momma]

My daughter is at Spangdahlm. Is that anywhere near you? Her husband just left for Iraq last Saturday and I am quite worried about both of them.
She is only 19 and far from home.

Tracy

bthornton17, on Jan 31 2008, 10:52 AM, said:

I hear you!!!! My DH has been in the Navy for almost 16 years and I still get upset when things go crazy.

Deployments are hard no matter where they are. My DH just returned to Germany from Afghanistan. Got back into his old squadron and has been gone most of Jan and will be gone most of Feb. Will it ever end I keep asking myself, yes it will and things will get better at our next duty station. We PCS to Pennsylvania in July.

Keep your chin up and try and find the good - that is the only thing that keeps me going when the military throws me a curve ball. Which happens alot!!!!!!

And we are here to hear your vents and support you. And just think now we have a forum where you can use the jargon without too many explanations - hehe!!

[mollycoddle]

Canyon Momma, on Jan 31 2008, 06:43 PM, said:

My daughter is at Spandahlm. Is that anywhere near you? Her husband just left for Iraq last Saturday and I am quite worried about both of them.
She is only 19 and far from home.

Tracy

Wow- that is young and far. I will pray for your family as well.

Thank you to all of you who have family in the military. Please know how my I appreciate their service...

[Sandi T]

Thanks for allowing yourself to vent. My husband is retired Navy and he just keeps doing what he did then. He is currently living in MS working on a project, while I am in NC. I hate being apart too. To top it off they moved my granddaughter to KY, so I can't just pop to them for a weekend. It is very hard to adjust to being apart, and having them change the game all the time is worse. None of us can really help, except to say, we are here to listen and pray for you, and that we are so grateful that your DH is doing what he does.

[CRS]

Well, dh was told he is definitely not going now. The excuse is that no full time military techs are going to be mobilized or deployed (a new general's policy). But, dh got an email from a different general saying that dh will have other opportunities for mobs and deployments in the future. They are scheduled to go to Iraq in October. How much do you want to bet he gets put on that one? The shock is wearing off and I'm getting excited that he'll be home for all the little things, like vacations, t ball games, birthdays, etc.

Thank you for letting me vent and understanding. I know I haven't had it as bad as most military families, so I shouldn't complain!

[bthornton17]

I sometimes feel that way - I can't complain because I didn't have it as bad. But you know what - it was for you and your family. And that is what you have to tell yourself. Yes I try to avoid the pity parties that I can get into - but every situation is unique and all military spouses understand that. No matter what is going on it still turns your life upside down even if it isn't a 15 month Iraq or Afghanistan deployment.

I am glad he will be home and hopefully whatever happens if won't be so much of a shock - but who am I kidding it is always a shock as some point.