[bthornton17]

My DH change of command is Aug 16 - we got the date yesterday. I have been joking about where I went wrong to finally end up a COW, but the reality is sinking in.

Any advice you ladies can offer would be greateful. They are finalizing our orders now and we should have them in the next few weeks. They are trying to get the details of his school and my school (LOL) squared away right now.

Thanks for the help.

[CRS]

My dh was a commander in the reserves for 2 years. He had to travel 6 hours each way, one weekend a month. So, just the travel was a stress on us (dd was a newborn, and we had a 2 year old). Because we were so far away, I didn't have any responsibilities. The unit was a messed up bunch of soldiers, so he had his work cut out for him.

The only advice I have for you (since my situation was totally different) is to be patient with dh and his stress level until he gets settled in. Being the commander, he'll be getting calls, emails, etc at all hours, and that took some getting used to.

I hope you get a command back in the states! (If that's what you want). I can't wait to hear where you go and how things work out!

[debilou]

Oh, my prayers are with you Bethany - while I don't live the "Military" life any more, I did as a newlywed, and it was so HARD. Every move, he was Navy, so away at sea 9 long months at a time (in an unfamiliar city), homesick, but I least I had the community of other Navy wives - just not the same as him.

My heart goes out to you, And my prayers as I do know what you are going through and it is such a HARD life.

[siskitkat]

My husband hasn't had command. He was an acting commander in SC once or twice, but that is different. Also, we're in a hospital, not a line unit, so I've never gotten involved in the Family Readiness Groups. But, that will probably be the biggest change that you face. You'll be expected to lead it. So, find someone who has done that, and start picking her brain.

[bthornton17]

Thanks ladies - this is a small command so it will be interesting. It will also be in an area where there is NO military at all. that will be weird, especially since I live in a place where you can't do anything without an ID (not even check your mail). So I know we are both in for a new experience. But we are going back to Navy and we are both really excited about that. There may be no base but I feel like I am going home. If that makes any sense at all.

I will keep you all posted on orders and such. We should have them soon.

[Smiles]

My husband was a Battalion Commander when we were first married. I was on active duty in a tough job and it was quite a way to start married life!
My best advice is to become really familiar with Military One Source.
They have the answer to everything.
They have recently started hiring a full time person in each state to explain and liaise with units - They'll come out and speak to the unit and family readiness groups.
They're primarily for reserve units, but I expect they'd be glad to visit a ROTC or recruiting unit as well.
If there is a TRICARE service center near you, go visit them.
If your husband's unit is a reserve one, or has reserve members assigned, you need to be familiar with TRICARE Select Reserve, as well as TRICARE Prime Remote.
If the unit is likely to be deployed during your husband's command tenure, the family readiness group will be even more critical.
When you go to the school, link up with other spouses so you'll have peers to commiserate with. You need to be very careful about venting with subordinate's spouses.
It's really good to make friends in the community, away from the military - but you probably already know that.
If I can be of help I'd be glad to communicate with you off-line (I'm a retired Army personnel officer).

Smiles

[bthornton17]

Thanks so much! I also got your PM Smiles and will let you know if I need any advice. The command is actually a reserve command - a navy reserve center in Ebensberg, PA. I will definately keep these places in mind and pass them on to my Dh too. They won't deploy as a group which is good, but I don't know about individually.

I don't know about the school either. Right now we are waiting for dates and length. I will actually attend the one in New Orleans for reserves. But we are trying to figure out what to do with the our 2 DS first. I don't want to do the child care thing and be moving from Germany. Too much for my 2 boys.

I will keep you all posted on what we do and how things go.

Thanks again for all the advice and places to go to.

[Smiles]

If you're new to life in the Reserve Components, there are lots of little quirks to get used to.
But on the whole, the people are wonderful.
They bring their civilian experience and skills to the job, so there's more "thinking outside the box" in some ways.
For anyone who stays in the Reserves for long, you know they have to love it, because they're not doing it for the money. Juggling family, civilian career, military education, and military duty is a huge commitment for both the Servicemember and family.
Just like active duty, people join the military for a number of reasons, but they stay or leave based on how the family feels about it.
Drilling reserve families don't tend to interact with each other as much as active duty families do, which is why FRGs are so critical.
You don't necessarily need to lead the family readiness group (depending, of course, on your Service's culture).
Sometimes it's better for the spouse of a senior NonCommissioned Officer to lead the group, but you definitely want to be a strong figure in the background.
The Army Reserve has experimented with "Virtual FRGs" for geographically dispersed units. Often subordinate units will be in another state, or even across the country.
There are lots and lots of resources out there, and I will get you some websites and POCs.

Smiles