[Anne1701]

I have been helping to raise my granddaughter, Anna, since she was born nearly 2 years ago. Since this past December I have been doing it alone.
My daughter, Heather, is bipolar and has other issues including ADD. For many years I couldn't get Heather to go out and make friends, she would just sit in front of the TV or computer. If I took either way she'd sit in her room and do absolutely nothing. And I mean I took both away for a month and she wouldn't give in! At 18 she went from that to finally making friends but ended up pregnant. Iniitially I was extremely upset but quickly realized how much younger than Heather was when I had my oldest son. I offered my support and was there to witness the birth of Anna, something I will always treasure.
This past fall Heather started spiraling out of control. She was staying out until all hours of the night (in November), tried to bring home a boyfriend who was not only 10 years older but a drunk. No way was I putting up with, especially around my granddaughter. This was the first time I made Heather leave but within that same day she realized she had no where to go and would not get any help at all from her boyfriend (who stole her entire paycheck!). Not long after she met Dominic and she seemed happier at first but then the late nights/sleeping all day started again. Things got to a point where she wouldn't bother with Anna at all. I had Anna in daycare while I worked because I couldn't trust Heather to take care of her own daughter. I had left Anna with Heather one day when Anna was sick and came home to find out that Heather had slept until 10 a.m. keeping Anna in the bedroom, put Anna back in for a nap at 12 p.m. until 4 p.m.!! No way would I allow that to go on! Unfortunately at this point my only option was tough love and I made Heather leave, in December. I have to say it was the hardest decision of my life and one I pray I never have to make again. She ended up moving in with a family who is friends with Dominic and she continues to live there.
As hard as it was to make Heather leave I strongly believe it was the best thing for her. Her life is finally turning around and so is her attitude. Slowly she started paying more attention to Anna (abscence truly does make the heart grow fonder!) and is happier with herself and looking for work. I give Dominic a great deal of credit for helping Heather get herself together and they are now engaged. Dominic genuinely love my daughter and I know without a doubt he adores Anna, even referring to her as his daughter and helping when he can with little things, diapers, fun trips, etc. (he's not her biological father). For the last 2 months Heather has been taking Anna on weekends but recently she been taking for longer and longer days. I've been really concerned about Anna bouncing back and forth between me and Heather. It was confusing me and I can't imagine what a nearly 2 year old thought of the situation.
Last Wednesday Heather picked Anna up to go stay with her for a few days. When Heather called me I asked her if she was ready to take full responsibility for Anna. I could hear her voice cracking because she was ready but isn't working. I told Heather if she was ready I would help financially in any way I can. I don't think I have ever heard my daughter sound so happy in my entire life.
So now Anna is with her mother the way she should be and I am so happy to see them together but at the same time very sad that Anna isn't living here all the time. Mixed emotions for sure. Coupled with the fact that I've never lived on my own, ever. I helped my mother even at a young age (she had rheumatic heart disease), raised 3 children, took care of both grandparents when they were ill and then Anna. LOL I don't know what to do with myself!
The nice thing though is Heather and Anna only live around the corner and I've already been asked to babysit this Saturday night. Of course I didn't hesitate to say yes!
I so hoping and praying that this works, most especially for my Little Lady who deserves a whole family and as normal as possible. But I still miss seeing those little blue eyes in the morning.

[HeidiD]

Oh, I can imagine how you're feeling! My in-laws are dealing with a similar situation with their grand-daughter, and I'm sending really good vibes to your whole family.

[enjoyingtheartofit]

I just wanted to send you my best wishes. Family and Love and the decisions you have to make can bring tears of happiness, sadness, frustration, loneliness, and relief to only name a few. I am sure you have experienced all of these and more. I wish you comfort in your decisions, relief with the results, and happiness in your new phase of life.

[Anne1701]

Thank you Heidi and Sheila. It was a bit of a relief just typing it all out. I have so many emotions going on right now.

[Sherry Lynn]

Anne - you, Heather and Anna will be in my thoughts and prayers! Good luck to all of you in the time of transition and congratulations to you for making your stand! HUGS to You!

[scraphctib]

What a strong woman you are......"tough love" is one of the hardest things in the entire world to do to your child.....I speak from experience. Hopefully, everything will be just fine for Heather, Anna and you.

[Jo Corne]

Anne, you are one AMAZING woman for doing what you have done. both as a mother and grandmother to your daughter and grand baby. I have tears in my eyes for you but send you wonderful thoughts and great big hugs for all you have done. I hope that your wishes for your family come true and your daughter can settle down and become the mother, and daughter to you, that you, she and little Anna, deserve.

As for the time on your hands... scrap all your emotions, experiences and love for these people, get it out of your system and let them have those LO's you are comfortable for them to see to show them just how much you love them and how much they mean to you. Your daughter and little Anna are truly blessed to have someone as wonderful as you in their lives. I hope they know this and remember this, always

God bless you

[Burnsie]

Maybe this is God's way of giving you some time for you! It may be different for a while, but like Jo said-scrap it all! You are obviously a wonderful mom, and grandma-letting go is the hardest thing to do. Glad you were able to share with us.

[Anne1701]

Thank you all. Your words of comfort really mean a lot and help so much. Heather brought Anna over last night for a little bit and it was wonderful seeing her! I'm going to have Anna with me most of the day Saturday and Saturday night so my daughter and her fiance can go out and have fun like the 20 somethings they are.
My daughter still needs a bit of nudging here and there to get some things done but for the most part she's doing wonderful, her fiance helps tremendously.

[needadietcoke]

It sounds like you are a wonderful mother and grandmother. Love isn't always easy, as you have shown, but it is always worth it!

[CRS]

Your daughter is lucky to find such a good man. I will keep them in my prayers and I hope things work out!

I know exactly how you feel. I was in the same position you are almost 5 years ago. Except it was my niece, not my granddaughter. My sister was a drug addict and couldn't care for her then 2 year old dd. My dad took custody, but my niece lived with us. She was here 3 years before going back to her mother. Now, they seem to be doing fine. My sister isn't the best mother, but at least she is clean. But that transition out of my house was very hard on me. I was happy that her mother could take her back, but I was sorry for myself.

It will get easier, and the fact that they are right around the corner is great! Think of all the projects you've wanted to tackle, but couldn't! As someone else mentioned, scrapping is great therapy!

[scrappurple]

How exciting for you. I have a friend who is bipolar and it is amazing how much her medicine helps her. I pray everything works out for your family!

[NS_Scrapper]

You sure have been through a lot but it sounds like you have all made it through the other side. Congratulations. It must be a big transition for you to not have you Anna with you all the time but how wonderful that you are building such a strong relationship with your daughter as she finds her way. Prayers, thoughts and hugs for all of you.

[Anne1701]

Thank you so much all
Anna was over again tonight for a bit with my daughter. Today's payday for me so of course my daughter comes over LOL! I don't mind helping a little though at least until she finds work.
The best part is that Anna is talking up a storm! We've been so worried because up until maybe a month ago, Anna was not talking. Only a few words here and there. All of a sudden she's chatty cathy LOL! Anna does have a special teacher who sees her once a week to help with the speech and it's really paying off big time. The best reward was last night when she left I got a big and she said "I love you" This gruff old lady's heart melted on the spot!

[momentousangel]

Anne, I give to you a standing ovation! You truly deserve it! As a mother of 6 children, I know how hard it is making decisions, even when they are the harder ones to have to make. As parents we don't ever always have all the right answers... no matter how hard we may try, it isn't possible to have all of the answers. We make choices and decisions and hope and pray for the best possible outcome. You have a big heart, that itself is clearly evident. You've stepped in and taken care of so many people out of the goodness of your heart. You are so caring and not only a great mother but also a wonderful grandmother. We do the best we can as parents, that is just what we do. I know what you mean by never having been alone before, it can be scary and it can be hard figuring out what to do with yourself... have fun and do all those things you wanted to do but haven't gotten around to doing, . Kick your feet up and relax, as my son always says. You're an amazing woman and I wish the best for you and your daughter and grand-daughters future. (((Big Hugs!)))

[jennk]

Wow! You are a strong woman. Good for you for doing the tough thing and not the easy thing. It sure does look like it paid off. You have obviously done a great job. You have worked yourself right out of your "job" which is really what all moms do, isn't it. Good luck to you and your whole family!

[Anne1701]

Thank you so much all
I've been offline for a little while after having "issues" with Comcast, sigh. I'm back with RCN after a week and half of no Internet, Cable or phone. Although personally I could care less about the phone LOL. I rarely use the phone and wouldn't even have one but having heart disease... well, 911 has been called before.
My daughter, Heather has finally found a small part-time job and tonight went to the CHI Insitute for testing to see if she qualifies for a Medical Assistant program. Anna is doing great and is really starting to take off now with talking. She's not at sentences yet but we're getting words now Along with the signs her teacher has been showing her.
Anna's dad and paternal grandparents gave her a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese and Anna had a blast! I was supposed to go but pushed myself too hard a few days before and sent myself into a wicked FMS flare. I'm going to have the photos developed this week (my digi camera died!) so I can see them and of course scrap them!
It does feel great to be back online though, I've missed being here!

[CRS]

Welcome back, Anne! I love your new avatar! We were worried about my oldest dd talking, but once her little sister came, we couldn't keep her quiet! Sounds like Anna's quite the chatterbox, lol!

[HeidiD]

Anne, that's such great news!

My niece has had similar problems with speech, and she has come from a similar situation with her parents as your Anna. She's doing so much better now that she is living with her grandparents (along with her parents). It's a hard situation, but when you see the little ones doing so well, it makes it all worth it!

[MaryJo]

I really give you alot of credit, what a wonderful Mom you are . You've done all right things even when it's hard. I can learn alot from the love you've shown your daughter.
What a blessing to hear the joy in your voice as you write this, I'm sure its hard to be alone, but maybe now , its time for you to take some time for yourself. From the sounds of things, you could use it ! Maybe a weekend at a spa or a weekend with the girls. Hey I have a great idea, maybe a weekend with friends in October, we could all got to Utah !!! What do you think? To me it sounds like great fun !!!!

[Anne1701]

They're coming home!

My dd and Anna are moving back home with me. Long story short the couple she's been renting a room from are having financial problems and wanted to raise Heather's rent.

Heather was here last night crying because she just started school yesterday. The only way she could afford the rent is to leave school and try to find full time work. There's no way I'm letting Heather give up an opportunity to go back to school. I'd rather see her plan on a decent future than have to work at a dead end job she doesn't like just to pay the bills. Honestly the tiny room she's renting really is not worth more than $50 a week that she's paying now.

It's going to be a tight fit in here again but we'll make it work (I live in a very small one bedroom apartment). And of course I'll get to see my little lady every day again!