I Am New--
Posted 03 May 2008 - 07:30 PM
It would be good to know how other single military moms handle things--and find time to do scrapbooking.
Posted 03 May 2008 - 08:22 PM
Posted 03 May 2008 - 10:30 PM
Unfortunately you're not eligible for the military support system, which helps a lot keeping families going while one parent is deployed. Many contracting companies are full of retired or former military, so you might check and see if they offer anything like family support groups.
The best advice I have for you is to be sure you are taking good care of yourself. It's like the airplane oxygen mask thing...you have to be breathing to take care of your children. Self care is not selfish!
Find some kind of support network - church, neighborhood, fellow mothers of Girl Scouts (or whatever applies).
I have no first hand experience with your problem (I never deployed, and my DH's many deployments were before I came into the picture), but I think you get through it one day (or one hour) at a time.
My DH says don't send him bad news - he has too much on his mind he MUST focus on to stay alive. He doesn't need to be burdened with things he can't do anything about. So don't tell him you have a leaky faucet, just get it fixed.
If you want him to look forward to all your communications, you need to have lots of good news for him.
So focus on the positive - there really are good things going on.
If he is writing you things that are disturbing to you, just don't read that part. He may need a safe place to vent - it's not important that you read it; it's important that he wrote it.
And send him lots of care packages.
Hang in there, and remember, this is a safe place to vent.
Keep us posted on how you are doing.
Posted 03 May 2008 - 10:46 PM
When he comes home in August, let him rest. Don't schedule lots of events and visits - let him set the place and agenda.
It may seem like you're putting his mental health over yours, and that's true to an extent. But the important thing is to keep him alive. Once he is home for good, you can worry about equality.
So get your needs met in other healthy ways - don't expect him to be able to fill them for now.
This is a life changing experience for both of you. Those who wait also serve.
The military has an extensive reunion training for spouses left behind - again, you might see if the contracting company offers anything like that.
Are you near a military base? If you talk to the Army Community Services (sorry I only know Army lingo) or a personnel department, they may offer you some support (as in information).
Also, don't underestimate the value he will place on some comfort item he can't obtain over there. That might be nice toilet paper, pouches of tuna, or something you'd never guess. In Vietnam, it was fizzies.
And thank your DH for his service for us.
Posted 04 May 2008 - 02:23 AM
When my husband is gone, my free time depends upon two things - meal planning and not caring what the house looks like. And since my kids are fairly young, regularly scheduled quiet time. They don't necessarily have to nap, but they do have to at least go play quietly in their rooms.
A note about care packages. You don't need to send the package Express. It's only Express as far as the sorting facility in New York. Then, the military takes over. Your husband can probably give you an idea of how long it takes for a package to reach him. When, I was deployed it took a little more than a week. A friend who deployed last year as a contractor in a different location could wait as long as a month.
The shipping time and the heat can have an adverse effect on any home-baked goodies. Check out Nestles website. They have some recipes that are meant to stand up to those conditions. I made biscotti, and skpped the second baking. So, they weren't as dry. I also vacu sealed them.
Posted 04 May 2008 - 06:56 AM
Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things. ~Author Unknown
Posted 04 May 2008 - 02:08 PM
Please, feel free to vent, or just plain chit chat here on the boards. Everyone is so friendly and supportive. I'm glad you found us here!