[schoolgirl]

I am new and still figuring things out. Someone mentioned this forum to me, and I thought I would give it a try. My husband is in Iraq and will come home in August for about a month--and then back out. He is a contractor, which I guess doesn't exactly make us military but serving the country the best we can. It is a new experience for us with good and bad days. I am not sure how military families handle everyday life. Being a single mom, and keeping things in control has been a growing experience for me, which I am grateful for most of the time.

It would be good to know how other single military moms handle things--and find time to do scrapbooking.

Wendi

[MelJohnson]

Hi, Wendi. Well, I don't have any experience in dealing with a husband who is in Iraq but I want to welcome you to ScrapGirls! I know that there are several military spouses here so I'm sure you'll get some great advice on how they balance their lives during this time. Good luck to you!

[Smiles]

Welcome, Wendi!
Unfortunately you're not eligible for the military support system, which helps a lot keeping families going while one parent is deployed. Many contracting companies are full of retired or former military, so you might check and see if they offer anything like family support groups.
The best advice I have for you is to be sure you are taking good care of yourself. It's like the airplane oxygen mask thing...you have to be breathing to take care of your children. Self care is not selfish!
Find some kind of support network - church, neighborhood, fellow mothers of Girl Scouts (or whatever applies).
I have no first hand experience with your problem (I never deployed, and my DH's many deployments were before I came into the picture), but I think you get through it one day (or one hour) at a time.
My DH says don't send him bad news - he has too much on his mind he MUST focus on to stay alive. He doesn't need to be burdened with things he can't do anything about. So don't tell him you have a leaky faucet, just get it fixed.
If you want him to look forward to all your communications, you need to have lots of good news for him.
So focus on the positive - there really are good things going on.
If he is writing you things that are disturbing to you, just don't read that part. He may need a safe place to vent - it's not important that you read it; it's important that he wrote it.
And send him lots of care packages.
Hang in there, and remember, this is a safe place to vent.
Keep us posted on how you are doing.

Gayle

[Smiles]

PS My DH added
When he comes home in August, let him rest. Don't schedule lots of events and visits - let him set the place and agenda.
It may seem like you're putting his mental health over yours, and that's true to an extent. But the important thing is to keep him alive. Once he is home for good, you can worry about equality.
So get your needs met in other healthy ways - don't expect him to be able to fill them for now.
This is a life changing experience for both of you. Those who wait also serve.
The military has an extensive reunion training for spouses left behind - again, you might see if the contracting company offers anything like that.
Are you near a military base? If you talk to the Army Community Services (sorry I only know Army lingo) or a personnel department, they may offer you some support (as in information).
Also, don't underestimate the value he will place on some comfort item he can't obtain over there. That might be nice toilet paper, pouches of tuna, or something you'd never guess. In Vietnam, it was fizzies.
And thank your DH for his service for us.

Gayle

[siskitkat]

I was in the reserves and was mobilized in support of OIF/OEF. My husband is active duty. Sometimes you can focus on only an hour or a day at a time. Other days are better. So, you need a support system. Even if it is only someone you can vent to.
When my husband is gone, my free time depends upon two things - meal planning and not caring what the house looks like. And since my kids are fairly young, regularly scheduled quiet time. They don't necessarily have to nap, but they do have to at least go play quietly in their rooms.
A note about care packages. You don't need to send the package Express. It's only Express as far as the sorting facility in New York. Then, the military takes over. Your husband can probably give you an idea of how long it takes for a package to reach him. When, I was deployed it took a little more than a week. A friend who deployed last year as a contractor in a different location could wait as long as a month.
The shipping time and the heat can have an adverse effect on any home-baked goodies. Check out Nestles website. They have some recipes that are meant to stand up to those conditions. I made biscotti, and skpped the second baking. So, they weren't as dry. I also vacu sealed them.

[Sherry Lynn]

Welcome to Scrap Girls Wendi! You have definitely come to the right place - everyone here is very helpful and supportive! I'm looking forward to seeing your layouts!

[ginaMO]

Welcome to Scrap Girls Wendi. We're glad to have you with us. Several of our members have family deployed in Iraq, and I'm sure they will be happy to give you some insights.

[CRS]

I'm glad you decided to post here. My dh is an army reservist and works full time for army as a civilian. Although he hasn't been mobolized or deployed yet, he travels constantly. I live with the stress of worrying about when he will be deployed and dealing with things alone most of the time. I know it's not the same situation as yours, but I can appreciate it. Gayle and her dh gave you some great advice. Take time for yourself (I usually do after the girls are in bed) and don't worry about having a perfectly clean house. I've also found scrapbooking to be a wonderful form of therapy. I throw a DVD in for the girls and scrap while they are watching it.

Please, feel free to vent, or just plain chit chat here on the boards. Everyone is so friendly and supportive. I'm glad you found us here!