[Karen Chandler]

So sorry you are going through this, Caren. I'll be praying that your DGD's mother will stop being manipulative and think about the child's right to spend quality time with her grandparents. You do have legal rights and if it comes to that, at least the laws are in place to help you preserve your relationship with your granddaughter. Hang in there. There are a lot of good thoughts and prayers going out on your behalf.

Karen

[goodqueenbee]

As a grandma of 19 kids (ages 1-19), I REALLY understand your dilemma.

As the kids grow older, I realize that time with Grandma is less exciting, so I tried to spend
more time with them as pre-school and early elementary times. Then they always know they can
go to Grandma... even if they don't feel the urge all the time.

ALSO, families struggle making time to spend with their own children as well... sometimes that
cuts into Grandparent time... a fact of life.

Here are a few hopeful solutions:

• 1. Tell them how important your time with them really is and what it means to you... how disappointed you are when you have made plans for naught! Be HONEST, and transparent to them... let them see your heart!
  2. Suggest they put your "date" on their calendars when they mention it to you... if they don't have a calendar... MAKE A LOVELY SCRAPGIRL calendar and mark those "special DATES" so grandchildren can see them and expect the outings!
  3. Give them the benefit of the doubt... they may have overscheduled and hoped you would be easier to disappoint than someone unrelated.

HTH!

[Sara Arell]

I am "Nanny" to 7 and have no problems with but three of them. My next to youngest son is "living" with his someday wife to be and she already had two little boys whom I fell in love with immediately. Then she and Brian had a litlle girl who is precious butt Jenni doesn't like us at all and only relies one HER mom. We don't get to see any ot the kids except by invitation only and it breaks my heart. I love them all and feel that they are all mine - easy to do, being a foster parent for over twenty years! Roseie, the little girl is so sweet and seems to love me when I see her but that is only about once every two weeks. Just kills me. My son is afraid to "rockk the boat" because Jenni takes it out on him if I interfere (or try to visit on my own). He does love all the children and he does love her (not sure why yet) but it is a strange situation and I think he only stays because of Rosie. Her name is Rose, but I call her Rosiie, because she definitely is!

All of my others love me to death and make it known - They are wonderful grandchildren and I am so blessed to have had children that have become awesome parents with the most special parenting skills. I am always amazed at the things they do when it comes to parenting and it makes me wonder why I did so well with them and not with my adopted Chris. But he had birth problems and I think that is part of the problem.

Other than that, I am a very Happy Nanny! And feel very loved. And the other side of the family loves me too, so I think I am at least 3/4 of the way. Maybe someday, Jenni will open up with me and grow to like me. I am very loving with all her children and we do not understand her attitude, but there are 3 sisters in her family and the biological Dad says they have never been happy, so guess that explains it mostly.

My hopes are that things work out for you and that you are not so miserable - I know the feeling, believe me. Think HAPPY THOUGHTS and let time work for you. It will - I just know it.
Hugs, Sara

[Bobbi Jo]

Oh, Caren, I am so sad reading about your difficulties getting together with your granddaughter. My grandma died 15 years ago this month, and I have been thinking a lot about her -- I still miss her. My mom was not the kindest or most balanced person and we had a very difficult time . . . she did not like my grandma much but Grandma was a ROCK in my life.

I'm praying that the path will smooth out for you, that you will be able to spend more time together with this precious little person in your life.

[Carrie Rodriguez]

Sarah in VA, on May 8 2008, 03:00 PM, said:

Gosh, Caren - I'm so sorry this has happened to you, AGAIN! And I know exactly how you feel - we've been there. I wish I could give you a solution, but there really isn't any, except the distasteful one of trying to maintain a somewhat civil relationship with her parents, so that you CAN keep your foot in the door.

So you just go ahead and vent all you want to, but to us...please don't say angry words you will not be able to defend or retract. And hopefully, the next time you have plans everything will go smoothly for you.

The best thing you can do is to make absolutely sure that your granddaughter sees you and your DH acting like responsible, compassionate adults with HER best interests at heart, and to make sure every minute she spends with you is quality time.

Go ahead and write that paper yourself, the one giving you full authority and visitation privileges. This will help you deal with this anger today. And remember, living well is the best revenge!

This is good advice. Hope you can live with love in your heart, which can affect/effect your relationships. Finding a way to bless the mom will change your vocabulary and maybe your time with your granddaughter. Knowing you have the gift of time and love for gd can build you up. What is causing the mom to pull back? Sorrow, fear, selfishness? You can overcome each of these objections. Hope you can see the blessings God has for you today.