[SandiC.]

A couple of years ago my DS and wife were having lots of difficulties ... with their relationship, and especially financially. They lost their home (as is happening to far too many good people these days) and needed a place to stay. At first it was just going to be until next payday when they could put a deposit on an apartment. Well, life happened and four months later I still had DS, DDIL, and 3 grands in the house. Now I want to be perfectly clear... it was great having them around. The kids did well in a stable home where their parents weren't so worried about where the next meal was coming from. DS and DDIL started to rebuild their relationship and the pending divorece was dropped. I had many blessings brought into my home by having them their. After about 6 months we sat down and talked and decided this living arrangement was workable and beneficial to all of us. We decided it was something we wanted to make permanent. Because my home was intended for 1 or 2 adults and now we were 3 adults and 3 kiddos, we decided we needed a bigger place. We found the almost perfect home and I bought it with the agreement they would contribute. We moved in, settled in our new life. They have contributed, but not as much financially as agreed on but they are not just freeloading either. There are times when I miss the peace of my previously quiet life, but it feels goods to have to worry about softball games and dance lesson night and homework again. At times my DDIL and I fuss and we keep rearranging the kitchen drawers, but generally we get along pretty well. I have a couple of friends who also have adult children (and their children) living with them and my oldest son and his wife live with her parents. Part of our arrangement is that by my helping out now, they'll care for me as I get older and will need help (years and years and years from now). This sort of thing seems to be happening more and more. Years ago multiple generations living under one roof were the norm. Is this coming back? I'd love to hear others thoughts and experiences.

[Launa]

I have a dear friend that also has this arrangement. Their daughter and son in law moved in temporarily after they moved from a different state and while they were looking for a place to buy. They all loved living together so much, they decided to make it permanent. It wasn't for financial reasons, and they only have one son who is an older teen. But they love it and wouldn't have it any other way. I hope it works out for you all. What a blessing to have your loved ones at such close reach. Families are meant to take care of each other! Blessings to all of you!

[needadietcoke]

We built a new house almost five years ago to accomodate my mother and brother. She has since passed away, but my brother (who was in a bad financial situation and, despite the fact that he is 15 years older than me, has need of being watched out for. . .) still lives in an apartment in our basement. He has not contributed much to our situation, but he will be totally out of debt in a few months and then we will re-work things. I would have a problem with the situation if he were out spending money left and right, but he works hard and is the poster child for thrifty, so it's been OK.

[SandiC.]

My kids are working really hard to get ahead and back on their feet financially too. They keep having a lot of bad things happen to them. first DDIL was rear-ended, lots of medical bills for physical therapy for whiplash and legal battles over who was responsible. Baby got sick with asthma and more medical bills. Car broke down. DDIL finally better from car accident when she had to be hospitalized. Yeah, more medical bills. Just two weeks ago transmission went out in the minivan. They both work really hard and are being very responsible. When my DexH and I were struggling there was noone able to help. I remember those days of rice for supper one more night. I'm so glad that now I have the ability to be there for them.

One of the other benefits is having the grands right here. We have a lot of fun. Having an extra adult to keep an eye on things is helpful too. I work really long hours so I'm really not home all that much so its so much esier for us to all be under one roof. I'm an earlybird and so is Dylan, the 6 yr old. He'll come into my room in the morning to see me. I usually make him some chocolate milk and when I first did it I told him it was our secret. Now he comes in and asks if we can have our secret. That is priceless.

The down side of this is sometimes I feel taken advantage of, especially in the free babysitting department. There have been times when it was assumed I was available when I really wasn't. They sometimes forget that I have a life too. Last week my DDIL proposed we paint the kitchen orange. I hate orange. Tight now the kitchen is green, but the color is a little too intense so I think we need to go with a little toned down version since we have gray granite countertops. Anyway we haven't resolved this one yet, but so far this is our first decorating clash. Not bad from my old traditional tastes and her modern tastes. My DS agrees with me BTW.

Overall, I highly recommend this. We have had some problems with a few people thinking this is too weird for words. The president of our homeowners association didn't want to give them a pool pass because the house is only in my name. We have to get a notorized letter each year for the kids school to verify residence as all the utilities are in my name (this year we're changing the water bill over to their name so we won't have to do this anymore). The YMCA was the exception. they gave us a family membership without any hassle. Some of our new neighbors think we're weird too. that may be true in some ways but this is good for us.

[KBT]

Good for you guys for making this work. I really think you have to have the right combination of personalities. I would not be able to live with my MIL and my DH could never live with my mom I hope it continues to be beneficial to you both!

[TeaScrapper]

I'd love to be able to have my parents live with me. They're both in their 80s, but still getting along fine.

I've seen houseplans for homes in South Carolina that are one story with 2 master bedrooms, with the living area being in the middle, so each master bedroom has privacy. I'd love to have a house like that, and then we could do it.

I think we may be returning to multi-family situations with the way the economy is going. And I don't think it's such a bad thing. It gives children such a since of belonging to the family when they can be around not just their parents, but extended family as well.

Personally, I'm all for it.

[laffenstamper]

scrappin'doc, on Jun 22 2008, 06:31 AM, said:

A couple of years ago my DS and wife were having lots of difficulties ... with their relationship, and especially financially. They lost their home (as is happening to far too many good people these days) and needed a place to stay. At first it was just going to be until next payday when they could put a deposit on an apartment. Well, life happened and four months later I still had DS, DDIL, and 3 grands in the house. Now I want to be perfectly clear... it was great having them around. The kids did well in a stable home where their parents weren't so worried about where the next meal was coming from. DS and DDIL started to rebuild their relationship and the pending divorece was dropped. I had many blessings brought into my home by having them their. After about 6 months we sat down and talked and decided this living arrangement was workable and beneficial to all of us. We decided it was something we wanted to make permanent. Because my home was intended for 1 or 2 adults and now we were 3 adults and 3 kiddos, we decided we needed a bigger place. We found the almost perfect home and I bought it with the agreement they would contribute. We moved in, settled in our new life. They have contributed, but not as much financially as agreed on but they are not just freeloading either. There are times when I miss the peace of my previously quiet life, but it feels goods to have to worry about softball games and dance lesson night and homework again. At times my DDIL and I fuss and we keep rearranging the kitchen drawers, but generally we get along pretty well. I have a couple of friends who also have adult children (and their children) living with them and my oldest son and his wife live with her parents. Part of our arrangement is that by my helping out now, they'll care for me as I get older and will need help (years and years and years from now). This sort of thing seems to be happening more and more. Years ago multiple generations living under one roof were the norm. Is this coming back? I'd love to hear others thoughts and experiences.

Oh, how familiar this sounds to me! I have been in a multi-generational home since 1996, believe it or not, and though it is often trying, I feel it is worth the effort. My situation started when my DM had her second bout of cancer. She was miserable both physically and spiritually (since she was prepared for death and she lived, she felt that God had cheated her and there was always the chance she would get cancer yet again...). My DF called and mentioned that he wanted to know if I would consider moving back to KC to help him. Since it was too much of a pay cut, I suggested that they move to GA instead, since two of their children and three of their grands were there. Mom wasn't too keen on it, but we got them a cute little victorian on a lot with pecan trees and she loved it. Plus we would all be there for Sunday dinner! Well, the house got termites and the landlord wouldn't do anything about it, so they moved in with my DD and me "just until they could find something." Never happened! (Three generations of estrogen...yikes!) Plus, my DB and SIL lived down the street with their kids, and my SIL thought Mom was spying on them at first. JEEZ.

Time passed and I eventually bought a big house with plenty of room. Then another DB got out of the USN and didn't have anywhere to go. He moved in. Then SIL was in a serious car accident and disabled for a while, so we finished the basement and they had an apartment downstairs. My DD and I started to finish the attic into "studios" and then the state decided to put a road though the property. Do you know how hard it is to move three families! HAHAHA! I look back now and wonder how we ever did it. Eventually, my younger DB and SIL had another baby and bought their own home. DF, DM, other DB and DD and I all moved to a smaller place and were living happily till DF died. DM got homesick and I decided to start traveling with my career, so I "loaded up a truck and moved to" Kansas City! Well, Belton, anyway. I have been back and forth over the past six years, but DM and DB still live there, in the home I pay for. DM can't afford it on her own and DB isn't able to afford it either. So we split the responsibility of caring for DM, everyone visits or sends Mom to see all her grands, and for the most part, everyone is happy. I keep a bedroom there, just in case I get tired of traveling!

There have been headaches, for sure, and sometimes I feel taken advantage of. Mostly, though, I am so blessed that my Dm is not having to live in a place where she would be alone or in a room with someone she can't stand. What we have is years of wonderful family memories that (despite the fact that my ex thinks we are "losers" for having htis arrangement) all of us and our familes cherish. It really wasn't all that long ago that "The Waltons" were the norm, and in many countries, that is the way things still are. I think it helps kids learn more respect for their elders, and I think it keeps the elders up with changes that might otherwise be out of their range of understanding.

Don't give up! Just be sure to keep up with the groundrules and remember who is in charge of what. Definitely remind them that you are not a babysitter!

[SandiC.]

You know, I really relate to the fact that some people look at this like we are all losers. The president of our homeowners association is one of them. He actually tried to get it in the covenants that no more than two adults could live in the home. He wants Jer and Dana to be guests at the pool, not residents. Every year when the kids register for school I have to have a notarized statement that they do indeed reside with me. Dana's parents were very critical at firs, but have come around now. My ex was pretty neutral about it but now his wife's daughter and granddaughter have moved in with them.I sure don't feel we are losers at all. Sure, the kids made some bad decisions several years ago, but they also had a string of things happened to them that were no fault of theirs and they had no control over. We actually have a prety nice situation here and for the most part it works out well. I tease my son that he is getting to enjoy his inheritance while I'm still around and have a little control over it. The best part about it is having those precious grandkids in the house all the time. I'm a little concerned about when they hit the teens. I've already gone through all the adolescent angst with my three sons, and I'm not sure how its going to be when DGD gets hormonal. Three generations of women could be exciting. The Waltons we ain't, but once in a while we do the "goodnight John Boy" thing just for giggles and grins. It's mostly"did you put the dog out" or "you left the kitchen light on". Our house is actually pretty big. My master suite is first floor with livingroom, dining room and kitchen. They have three bedrooms upstairs and the full fininshed walkout basement the is bigger than some apartments I've lived in. There are some days we don't even see each other. We have been known to call each other on our cellphones... IN THE HOUSE. We have a great big whiteboard calendar as our central planning area. If its not on the board, there are no guarentees it will happen. We keep a central shopping, chores and errands list there too. Jer, Dana and I try to have a quiet sitdown family "Board" meeting every month or two to try to see where we are and where we would like to go next. Ups and downs like in any family, but I'm content with this and actually see lots and lots of advantages. Only time will tell.