[Orrinda]

Our youngest son recently graduated from Army basic training and is now off to his schooling. It has been a very hard transition for me. Not his leaving, but the choice he made to join the military. I discovered an anger in myself that I had a hard time not projecting onto him. He was scared and unsure of his decision but knew that he had to do something to move on with his life and college wasn't a good place for him.

I also found that, after he left, I was still in full-blown "mom mode"--sending him toothpaste and vitamin pills. I told him recently that I was spending more time responding to his needs now that he was gone than I did when he was home! Says something about my relationship with my kids.

We traveled two-thirds of the way across the country to attend his graduation and I cried buckets. I really am very proud of him and a little amazed that he made it this far. He has always been your basic nerdy couch potato who was never very far from his GameBoy.

I have not wanted to have a military life and I'm not sure how my child's being in the service will impact my daily living. I know I have a lot to learn to support him and I need to let him know that he is never out of my thoughts and prayers.

Our Hero

Thank you, Theresa, for the great military collections. I know I will get a lot of use out of this.

[carych]

Orrinda, on Nov 22 2008, 09:27 PM, said:

Our youngest son recently graduated from Army basic training and is now off to his schooling. It has been a very hard transition for me. Not his leaving, but the choice he made to join the military. I discovered an anger in myself that I had a hard time not projecting onto him. He was scared and unsure of his decision but knew that he had to do something to move on with his life and college wasn't a good place for him.

We traveled two-thirds of the way across the country to attend his graduation and I cried buckets. I really am very proud of him and a little amazed that he made it this far. He has always been your basic nerdy couch potato who was never very far from his GameBoy.

I have not wanted to have a military life and I'm not sure how my child's being in the service will impact my daily living. I know I have a lot to learn to support him and I need to let him know that he is never out of my thoughts and prayers.

Our Hero

Thank you, Theresa, for the great military collections. I know I will get a lot of use out of this.

You've done a beautiful layout! I understand how you're feeling. My stepson suddenly joined the Marines last August and graduated one year ago this week. He is currently on his first tour in Iraq. We were scared for Dusty when he told us he had enlisted - but relieved also because he was having a terrible time finding his way in the adult world. He has matured so much and is thriving in the military. We worry about him everyday but he seems happier and more content with himself than he has ever been.

I, too, love Theresa's collections and use them constantly!

[Ngaire]

Orrinda my heart goes out to you. I just found it hard the children leaving home full stop let alone going into the military.
I pray that your son is always save and that you will come to terms with it in your heart. I don't think you ever accept it but you can come to terms with it. I know that you will continue to be so proud of him and he will grow in a way that perhaps he never would have otherwise. I was in the airforce for a short time and I know that what you learn in there makes you look at life very differently (often in a good way).
Your LO is a wonderful tribute to him.

[Smiles]

Congratulations on going to his Basic Training graduation. That meant a lot to him. My DH was involved in Basic Training both as a Drill Sergeant, and later as a Basic Training Company Commander, and he saw graduates deflate when parents wouldn't drive 50 miles to see them graduate, and others swell with pride when their family showed up.
Basic Training is a real rite of passage. Your son now knows he is a man. He also knows he is now a part of something larger than himself - and that's a huge step.
It will be important for you to respect this.
The decision has been made - there is no second guessing now.
As my DH says, every day you wake up and say "What is our mission today, and what do we have to do it with?" It's never "I wish we had this, wish we'd done something different." Accomplishing the task at hand requires too much concentration to spend energy on second guessing the past.
The military teaches you to be forward thinking, and to develop great problem solving skills. This is one reason successful military Veterans are such prized employees.
He is probably going to tell you about accomplishments that don't make any sense to you. It's very important that you understand they are important to him. Feel free to ask us about anything that confuses you. There are lots of military veterans, spouses, and family members in Scrap Girls.
There are several military moms/parents websites. Check them out carefully – there are political movements out there that will want to make you feel like you failed because your son chose to serve in the military. Probably some of the other military moms can advise you on that.
I think if you go to the trouble to learn some of the TLAs (three letter acronyms), some of the basics of military life, and a little about his new career field, it will show your son you truly care about this part of his life. Don't go by anything you see in the movies, and very little on the news. And if someone tells you a really off the wall story, take it with a lot salt - there are a lot of wanna-be's out there.
Your son may feel uncomfortable going home for a visit – he has changed so much, and he’s not sure his friends and family understand. He may be angry at himself if he finds himself slipping back into old dependent behavior patterns. It will take some adjusting on everyone’s part.
I'm sure all the other military moms will have lots of first hand advice and suggestions for you.
(My DH and I are both retired Army.)

[SandiC.]

Oh, what a hard time to let him go and try to support him but in your heart being unsure of the choice he made. I love everything Gayle wrote. For thousands of young men and women, military service is a growing time. Its sometimes a make or break situation, but most rise to the challenges and move forward in life with confidence and new skills. You have to learn to cope. You also learn in very intense ways the concept of teamwork and getting a mission done. I'm also retired after 21 years service and I know my experiences, both good and bad made me a far better person than I would ever have become if I didn't have the opportunities give to me by the military. For young people in college there are fraternities and sororities, but in life there is the military units. That sense of belonging to something bigger than yourself is so important in making that transition from adolescence to adulthood. Sure you'er going to worry about him and in these times there is danger, but trust him to rise to meet the challenges. And its ok to worry some, you are a mom, after all. It is a change and you seem to be rising to meet it in a wise loving way. My best wishes for you, your son and your whole family.

[Scrapin Pat]

Being a Mom is not easy ... one has to find way of supporting and "being there" even when they don't always understand or endorse the paths chosen. Your son is lucky to have a Mom like you and we as a nation are lucky to have people like your son who give of themselves to protect our country. I pray he will always be safe and that you will have the support you need so you can be there for him.
I love your lay out - what a great tribute to him.

[Smiles]

I meant to add, please thank your son for his Service for us.
And thank you for being a caring Army Mother.

[Orrinda]

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and comments. I really appreciate your taking the time to help bolster me. Part of me is highly bemused by this whole experience. When we took him to lunch following graduation, he was very much into saying "thank you, ma'am/sir" whenever he received congratulations from other people in the restaurant. It was actually kind of sweet and a little unexpected. We're from California where some of these niceties have been painted over in our efforts to be completely egalitarian. So, I do have hope for this child who rarely even knows what time zone he's in. Now that he is at AIT and has more access to his cell phone, I get to talk to him several times a week. He will be coming home for Christmas--probably the best gift I receive.

[Orrinda]

Smiles, on Nov 23 2008, 08:47 AM, said:

I meant to add, please thank your son for his Service for us.
And thank you for being a caring Army Mother.

Thank you, Gayle. That means a lot.

[Smiles]

bless you, Orrinda!
This can't be easy for you.

[catinkeri]

Scrapin Pat, on Nov 23 2008, 07:48 AM, said:

Being a Mom is not easy ... one has to find way of supporting and "being there" even when they don't always understand or endorse the paths chosen. Your son is lucky to have a Mom like you and we as a nation are lucky to have people like your son who give of themselves to protect our country. I pray he will always be safe and that you will have the support you need so you can be there for him.
I love your lay out - what a great tribute to him.

Orrinda - Scrapin Pat put it perfectly!! I second everything she said!!!

As for the ma'am/Sir thing - I have been a military spouse for 10 1/2 years and I still can't get used to it, but I think it's a great show of respect from one human to the next! Thank you and your son for everything you do for this country!

[tinkerbell11]

I left some love on your LO in the gallery. It is a hard job and even tougher for the family left behind to worry. Many prayers and thanks to your son.

[Sherry Lynn]

Hugs to you Orinda & your son. I left you some love!

[PBarnes]

Thats a wonderful layout! Having had a son join the military, I understand where you are coming from. Our situation was a little different however. He didn't join until he was 21 and already married. We NEVER thought he would be one to join any military service. He mocked the military when he was in high school. We weren't able to make it to his graduation and I was very sad but his wife and new-born daughter made the trip. He's been in for five years now and has just re-upped for another four (following his sixth year of the first commitment.) We are very proud of him and the military has been very good for him.

Best wishes to you and your son and I'll pray that he stays out of harms way - where ever the Army might send him.

[musicmom]

Orinda,

My heart goes out to you. It is a challenge as a parent to let any child go into the military. To have your youngest leave is tough enough, but to leave to the military seems so quick and abrupt, not like going to college. Thank you for supporting him and loving him. He has all of my admiration and loads of prayers for safety and happiness.

Our oldest son did a delayed entry to the Army last year between his junior and senior year of high school. We traveled a long way to his graduation and were and are so very proud of him. School does not come easy for him, but he always wanted to be in the military. My husband and I tried to give him different avenues to look at, but our son still was focused on the Army.

This summer he finished AIT and is now stationed at Fort Lewis.

It was not until he was gone a whole month that my heart broke and tears flowed. He will be home for Christmas for about a week. Flying him home is worth every penny to see him again.

You have my support always. Your son has my praise.

[MaryJo]

my oldest son left for Basic 2 weeks after he graduated high school in 2002 ! It was unbelievably hard to let him go, knowing what was in store for him in these uncertain times ! But, it was what he wanted to do and as a parent we felt that we needed to support him , to enable him to do his best that he could.
He has spent more time overseas than he has in the US since he enlisted and it has been hard and we miss him terribly especially around the holidays ! His first tour in Iraq earned him a Purple Heart ! That was devastating for me, especially not being able to be with him when he was injured, but we all made it through and we all are stronger people for it!!
I am so honored to know you and your son and that all of you are willing to sacrifice for our wonderful country ! I will be praying for your family at this time and just know that you are not alone and that everything you've done is what I did myself !! Just be his Mom, that's all you can do ! He will appreciate it for his entire life ! My son has just been promoted to Staff Sgt. and at 24 I think that's pretty darn good !!!

[ArizonaAngel]

Orrinda, thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. I was in the Army and my DH is retired Army. My DS joined the Army and was one of the first into Afghanastan and then also deployed to Iraq. It was hard for me and I didn't think it would be. A military Mom's role is not an easy one, but you can be proud of your son and know that you are in good company!