[Ro]

Edited: We are working on a SECOND story now. Don't add to the first story.
The second story starts on the 5th page


RULES

You have until 12 PM midnight on SATURDAY to join in on the fun. (Sorry that I mixed that up when I originally posted!) Everyone that adds a cohesive, unique addition to the story ( which must be at least one paragraph) will be entered into a drawing to win a $25 Gift Certificate for the Scrap Girls Boutique. The more posts you add to the story, the more chances you will have to win that prize (Posts can not be a row. You have to let someone else tell some story in between). So remember.... we are telling a story here and so random paragraphs about your dog or a tree (unless your dog or a tree actually belongs in the story) will NOT be counted. But you ARE allowed to take the story in completely different ways, as that is what makes these kinds of things interesting. LOL

--------------------

"Equality" the hermit muttered under his breath wandered the aisles of the grocery story while he was making his monthly sojourn to pick up peanut butter, bread, beans, and sugar, and koolaid.

He had been shuffling down the aisle of the store, determined to blend into the soup cans and cereal boxes, so as to not draw attention that he was there when he had suddenly come face to face with Myrtle Smearnoff, the wife of his former partner, Ted, who had cooked their books and made it look as if he, Ronald, were the guilty one.

After the IRS circled their dealership that day and seized the business, Ronald learned to his horror, that Ted had been carefully taking all of the cash out of the candy box he had hidden under his desk and was sending it off-shore where it was safe from prying eyes.

And so, once Ronald was released from Federal Prison for not paying the taxes, he locked himself in his run down 50's ranch that was smack in the middle of a neighborhood filled with soccer moms, church ladies, and pubescent teens who dared each other to climb his fence and pound on his back door to see if his would answer it.

But no, he would not answer that pounding. He didn't care how many birthday cakes stacked up on the porch or how many puppies were offered to him as potential companions. He would not answer that pounding.

Instead, he huddled in front of the television, watching game shows and plotted.... yes, he plotted. He was plotting his revenge and how he would recoup the money that Ted had stolen from the candy box.

And so, you can imagine his surprise when he heard Mytle say....

[Cropnpix]

"Interesting to run into you, Ronald." "Why is that so interesting," Ronald said to Myrtle. "Did you think I was still in prison?"

"No, I knew you were out. The reason it's interesting is because when Ted got the news that you were being released, I overheard him talking to someone on the phone. I heard him crowing about how he'd pulled one over on you and now he has the money and you have the criminal record."

Ronald said, "I guess you'll both be enjoying that money for some time to come, won't you?"

Myrtle lowered her voice, and in a tone that was equal parts sadness and anger, she said to Ronald, "Well, that's the other thing I discovered in his conversation. Ted is enjoying your money alright, but he's enjoying it with another woman. Looks like we've both been duped. I propose we join forces and make Ted pay... and pay BIG!"

[varanda]

"Ronald!, You are a sight for sore eyes!" cried Mrytle, as she grabbed a jar of peanut butter and let her bare arm rub against Ronald's.

"Why, I was just thinking about you, and here you are, looking, well, delicious, have you been working out?"

The stench of Myrtle's cheap magnolia perfume assaulted Ronald's nose. He was clearly not as invisisible as he hoped. He stammered and stuttered and tried to come up with a retort, when suddenly static crackeled the air and over the grocercery store loudspeaker, a voice annouced.....

[momentousangel]

"Clean up on aisle four please. Clean up on aisle four." As Myrtle bent down to begin picking up the jar of strawberry jam she had dropped that was now broken into a clump of goo on the floor, Ronald bent to help. When their hands touched, Ronald realized then that Myrtles perfume had done more for him than he initially had thought. When the stock boy began walking down the aisle heading straight for them, they both rose, her hand still in his. When the stock boy asked who was going to pay for the mess, Myrtle gazed into Ronald's eyes and as Ronald gazed back into hers he said...

[nelly]

"I'd gladly pay, but unfortunately I've only enough for these few things."

Myrtle snatched her hand out of Ronald's, and the change in her character was instant. Angrily, she accused Ronald of bumping into her and knocking the jars to the floor.

"You're just like your husband!" Ronald retorted, "I have done nothing but help."

"Help! Is that what you call it?" Myrtle shot at Ronald while turning with a smile to the young man. "I'm sorry Ronald here has caused you all this trouble, but I'm running terribly late for the kids. You'll be able to sort it out with him, I'm sure." And with that, Myrtle left.

[scrappin_twin_mommy]

As Myrtle walked across the parking lot towards her brand new SUV she couldn't help thinking back to what started all this mess. She new Ted was to blame but what was she supposed to do - give up the life she and her children had grown to love and rely on.

And now her true love Ted had announced to her just this morning that he was leaving her for Candi, the receptionist at his office. "Candi with an 'i'", she'd always say. It made Myrtle just sick thinking about it.

She had stood by Ted through all this mess. She laid her head on the steering wheel hoping she could figure out what she was going to do now. Then there was a knock on her window.

[nelly]

'Oh my gosh!' thought Myrtle as she glanced up to see who it was.

Pastor Eccles was the last person she wanted to see at this moment.

"You're looking very down Myrtle. Are you OK?" asked the pastor. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

[katiekat]

Mytle sucked in enough breath to compose herself. Steady she thought and replied sweetly "Oh pastor it is so nice to see you, how is your wife?" "She is great we can't wait until the baby comes" "How nice for you two". Myrtle hated this kind of grating small talk the kind that was full of nicities and never really uncovered any truths. After the pastor and her said goodbye she waited until he was far enough away before exhailing and put her head back on the steering wheel. She knew what everyone at church whispered about her marriage, her kids, and herself. She peeked back up and saw the pastor stopped in front of the grocery store talking with Ronald. She had to pull out of there before anything else transpired. Mytle fumbled around in her coat pocket only to discover she didn't had her keys. She frantically wondered what could have happened to them. It was then she remembered toying with them as she has a nervous habit to do when she is thinking hard...that was all before she bumped into Ronald.

[DreamsNJ]

"Oh no!" Myrtle exclaimed. She jumped out of her SUV to run back into the store. Not paying attention and looking where she was running, she slammed right into the pastor talking to Ronald. It was at that moment she heard the tail end of Ronald's conversation with the paster where he confessed that ....

[varanda]

....he was really a woman! And he was darn tired of trying to be a man, act like a man, his name was Ronnie, short for Veronica! All these years, he'd been trying to be something he wasn't and he was sick of it!

Myrtle was shocked! As all the ramifications of Ronnie's secrets flooded her mind, she was dumfounded. Hey wait just a minute, she thought to herself----didn't they notice any of this in jail?

She was just ready to ask that question when a car lost control in the parking lot and came swerving towards all of them....

[momentousangel]

As Ronnie shoved her out of harms way, she hit the pavement and screamed "Ouch!." As Pastor Eccles reached out his hand to help her up he asked, "are you alright Myrtle?" "Yes, I think so," replied Myrtle a bit shaken at the events. She looked toward Ronnie in disbelief that he was really a woman. As she pondered how it was that he had kept his secret hidden for so long, without thinking she asked, "You're really a woman?" Not thinking as she continued rambling on, "How can you be a woman? You were in a maximum security federal prison for men only, so how can you be a woman?" Ronnie's voice rose over Myrtles as he said "Yes, I'm really a woman. I was sent to a mens only federal prison because of my medical records showing I was born a male." In confusion, Pastor Eccles stood with his jaw dropped. Unsure of what to actually say, he took Ronnie's hand and instantly began praying, "Please look down on this man, I mean woman, ummm, please look down on this torn soul..." Still standing in disbelief, Myrtle also took hold of Ronnie's other hand and said "Now I see why you too are so hurt at the way Ted had done you so wrong, I understand completely the heartache felt, but did you really love Ted?" With that being said, Ronnie replied, "More than I could ever imagine. I loved him, I trusted him. I let him talk me into becomming a woman." "Oh Ronnie," exclaimed Myrtle, "my heart aches for both you and I, for the years of torment..."

[bumpkin]

-It was Ted! Hunched down behind the steering wheel, barely visible over the dash, eyes fixed on Myrtle, the crazed fiend then swerved the wheel back toward the lane, hoping, possibly, to just catch the wide hip of the woman standing in the way of his sweet Candi and the yacht that he was determined to buy tomorrow. Ronnie had, however, yelled, in a too-manly voice, the second he saw the car, "Pastor! I lied!" and leapt to push the pastor out of harm's way. Ronald's foot caught Myrtle's leg as he jumped, and sent her sprawling onto the pavement. The car sped off across the parking lot. Heart beating faster than a butterfly's wing, the sheepish Ronald sucked his breath in deeply, turned to the pastor, and said, "I want to be left alone! I thought you'd stay away if I said that! Whoa! -Never lie to a Pastor!" As Ronald's eyes drifted upward to meet the Pastor's face, he realized that the Pastor wasn't even looking at him! He was staring in horror at the woman sprawled on the pavement! "Oh, my gosh! Myrtle..."

[nelly]

The ambulance arrived within minutes, whisking the poor Myrtle off to hospital. Both Ronnie and the Pastor felt they had to go along.

The nurse said it would be at least half an hour before anything would be known, so both men found their way to the cafeteria for a strong coffee.

Ronnie poured out the whole story from his meeting with Ted at college, right up to the present. They sat in silence for a few minutes, and just as the pastor was about to speak the doctor appeared at their table.

"Hello, My name is Candi .........

[kathygarman]

...with an 'i'. I want you to know that Myrtle is going to be allright, she only feinted. Apparently, she is pregnant. Do you happen to know how we can reach her husband...

[lauragurrad]

Can you tell me anything about the woman your brought in? She seems to be suffering from a complete loss of memory, it seems that was a prettty masty fall she took and while the concussion is minor she seems to have amnesia. What is the patient's name?

[momentousangel]

"Her name is Myrtle, with a "Y," replied Ronnie. As he rose to meet the woman coming out toward them. "Amnesia? How long will it be before she regains her memory?" "We're unsure of that, only time will be able to tell." You mean to tell me you are saying she could suffer from this amnesia for a week, or two, or forever?" asked Ronnie. "Yes, that is what I am saying," replied Candi. Any time there is a concusion to the head with this type of severity, we must run more tests to determine if there is any further damage. I'll keep you updated as soon as we know more." With that, Candi turned and...

[freckledfrog]

Ronald looked at the Pastor, he was very confused. Should he tell the nurse Candi with i it was Myrtle Smearnoff. Candi with an i might just be dressed as a nurse and here to do Myrtle in since Ted botched things up. He gave the Pastor a look and then asked Candi some questions to see if she really was a nurse. She was so Ronald told her that her name was Myrtle Smearnoff and that they think someone may be trying to kill her. They should call the police at once and have a guard put on Myrtle's door. There was a loud noise at one end of the cafeteria and they looked over to see...............

[lauragurrad]

Ted heading their way with a look that told them he had more on his mind than anyone was prepared to deal with. Candi ran toward as if to try to explain and he said

[lauragurrad]

that what mattered most was that Myrtle tell him where she had hidden the money, he knew she had found his secret hiding place and was trying to get revenge, he was beside himself with worry that

[freckledfrog]

now she wouldn't remember. Please let me see my wife at once Ted told nurse Candi. "Sir your wife needs her rest, you know she is pregnant don't you?" Ted's face turned red with rage! "What are you talking about?" Myrtle can't have anymore children.

[bumpkin]

Just as Ron started to mouth the word "Myrt...." the Pastor cried out in a sort-of half groan, half yell, and grabbed his abdomen, eyes wild, and slowly leaned over forward. It was almost too late to catch the unfortunate man as the doctor and Ron realized the pastor was not halting his forward movement, and they let him slowly down to the floor. "Call ER! - Get me a gurney," yelled the blonde-haired, blue-eyed woman in scrubs, as she felt for the Pastor's carotid pulse....

[bumpkin]

(OHMIGOSH! You guys are SO fast! )

[scrapsoflife]

'Well, I'm sorry sir, but she is most certainly pregnant. Why would you think she could not have any more children?'

Ted sputtered, his face turning beet red and his eyes raging, 'She had her tubes tied after the last child!'

'Oh,' the nurse replied, 'sometimes those things fail,' she offerred helpfully. 'The good news is that the baby survived the fall and should be fine. The real worry is her memory loss. Perhaps you should take a moment to calm yourself, then go gently introduce yourself, maybe try to jog her memory of who she is. Do you carry pictures of your kids? That could help too.'

Her chirpy demeanor held in place as she knelt to assist the faltering pastor.

[crankydragon]

Ronnie looked down into his coffee cup and mumbled, "I knew we should have gone to Starbucks and skipped this cafeteria sludge."

"Ted, are you sure it's Myrtle that cannot have children? When you and I were close, before you framed me, I remember having several conversations with you on the subject. Granted, you always did overindulge with the alcohol, so it's possible you might not remember."

The look on Ted's face showed Ronnie that he did, in fact, remember. He remembered telling him about the accident with his wife's scrapbooking scissors. He had been so relieved when she bought that new die cut machine, and the whole story had just come tumbling out.

[lauragurrad]

Rex, a handsome make nurse ran up witht eh gurney and loaded the Pasor onto it, telling the Pastor to relax, he was in the best hands in the business, Dr. Candi was world renown for her healing abilities. As he turned to whisk the Pasot off to the ER he gave Candi a sly wink, and a knowing that left everyone at the scene wondering if

[lauragurrad]

Rex, a handsome male nurse ran up with the gurney and loaded the Pasor onto it, telling the Pastor to relax, he was in the best hands in the business, Dr. Candi was world renown for her healing abilities. As he turned to whisk the Pasor off to the ER he gave Candi a sly wink, and a knowing look that left everyone at the scene wondering if

[nelly]

The doors swung closed, and Ted and Ronnie were left alone.
"Let's go for a walk", Ted suggested, "we need to talk."
They walked out the side door into Pashowak Road, and headed towards the park.
Suddenly, a van with darkened windows screeched to a halt beside them.

[crankydragon]

{wondering if} anyone would notice if they all burst out laughing at the thought of Candi with an I being a doctor. Sure, dressing up as a Naughty Nurse, perhaps, but a *doctor*?

"Tell me please, Candi," Ronnie began, "does the I stand for Insipid? Irrelevant? How about Ignorant? I'm inclined to think it's for Ignorant. How else would you explain the Bob's Costume Rentals tag still hanging from your hat? Did you just assume we wouldn't notice?"

He paused, thoughtfully. "And why do I even care? He framed me. All I was trying to do was get a little grocery shopping done, and now I find myself in this mess," he said to himself.

[crankydragon]

"Suddenly, a van with darkened windows screeched to a halt beside them."

The van doors flew open, and a gang of angry Girl Scouts tumbled out.

"We know you took our cookies from the parking lot of the grocery store! That was a rather clever distraction, having people get hit by cars and fainting and the rest of it, but we saw you take all the Thin Mints for yourselves! Don't think we didn't see!"

[bumpkin]

The fiery-red-pigtailed tot ran up to Ted, kicked him in the shin, and cried out, "Mr Bundy! I know you didn't pay me for all the boxes of cookies I gave you yesterday! You promised you would..."