[sthrnbelle05]

I have a daughter who will be two the 27th. She has been acting like she's ready for toilet training, but has resisted and ending up not liking it when we tried it a few weeks ago. Most of the books and websites I've read mention that the normal age is 2 1/2. How old were your children when they learned to potty :-p?

Bethany

[KBT]

Older than that Don't go by the books! I tried to go by the books with my first and ended up in a serious power struggle. Potty training is something that you can encourage, but definitely NOT control. When she is excited about it, it will be MUCH easier! Good luck!

[sweetaudrey]

My only child is 19 months, we bought her a potty chair and some big girl panties. Right now, we are just letting her get used to the bathroom, her potty, and flushing the toilet. I let her come into the bathroom with me and she will flush the toilet and say "bye bye" to the potty. She is starting to know poo poo, and if she passes gas, or hears her stinky daddy pass gas (because Mommy never does, haha), she gets this serious look on her face and says "poo poo?" So, basically, we are just taking it very slow and letting her get used to it all.

We have a subscritption to American Baby magazine, the only thing I have found it usefull for is that Peyton likes to look at the babies when she sits on her potty. Now, whenever she goes into the bathroom, she points to the magazine rack and asks for the "Baby" and she will sit down on the potty with her mag.

Another thing is that when we put her big girl panties on her, we tell her how pretty they are, and that she wants to keep them pretty. I'll say something like, "Ohh Peyton, you looks so pretty in your panties. Big Girls wear panties, and don't potty in their panties. Big Girls go potty in the big girl potty"....just encourage and repeat that alot, so one day it will click.

So far though, she has only tinkled in her potty chair once. But she is getting better at telling us when she goes Poo in her diaper, only after the fact. I think we just have to have plenty of patients. I have a feeling that potty training is going to be just one of those things when the little light bulb goes off in their heads when they are ready!

Good Luck Bethany!!

[MelJohnson]

My son will be 3 in March and we've only just now started to talk to him about it. My two older sons were a little later than usual, too. I say take your cues from her rather than trying to go by the books. Each kid is different, for sure, and you probably won't be successful if you push her and she's not ready. Good luck!

[April Showers]

It sooo depends on the kid. They usually catch on really well between 2 1/2 and 3.

[Betsy]

DD was about 2 when we started intro'ing the potty. She was very interested. She's now 27 months. When we are home, she pees on the potty, but for any outing or sleep, she's in diapers. She also waits till there's a diaper on to do Number Two.

We didn't/don't push it. She'll get it when she gets it.

[Christina]

The first time our DD (who will be 3 at the end of Feb) went pee in the potty she was 17 months old...so we thought wow, she's ready...but really she never was fully interested in it, and would have the occasional accident in her big girl panties, so we didn't want to make it something that became frustrating for her. We backed off, although moved to pull ups instead of diapers. She, as of about a month ago, is now fully potty trained during the day, although wears night time pull ups at night. One thing I found was that the pull ups started to confuse her after a while, and underwear did too...but going commando (LOL!) seemed to have things click for her...ie she would pee, and a few times even poop in her panties and/or pullup, but never did she when she was just wearing pants with nothing else. Who knows why, but that worked for her...so once we got her used to peeing and pooping in the potty without wearing panties, then we introduced the panties, and now she's fully trained during the day, and no longer going commando! The PP are right, every child is different, so you'll know what works for yours! Good luck!
Happy New Year!
Christina

[JenniferZ]

PLEASE don't go by the books! My daughter seemed interested at around age 2, so we "encouraged" her. Well, by 3-1/2 she "still" wasn't potty trained. So, I sat down with her and said, "You know, I know you know what the potty is for and so I'm not going to remind you to go, or otherwise make a big deal out of it. If you need help in the potty, you just let me know and please tell me when your pull-up needs changed because I don't want you to get a red bottom. But I know you'll use the potty when you're ready."

For about two weeks, she peed in her pull-ups (she had been poo-ing in the potty for awhile) all the time, and I never mentioned the potty at all. And, after about two weeks of "testing" me to see if I really meant I wasn't going to mention it, she started using the potty on her own, all the time. She is now 4 and has been pretty reliable about using the potty, only having an accident now and then.

SO, my advice is just let it go. They'll eventually "get" it -- unless there is some developmental or medical reason, have you ever seen a kindergartener in diapers? The best thing I ever did was to just let "nature" take its course.

Good luck!!!!

[Kimmer]

Six children and I can tell you ditto ditto ditto and more ditto to what everyone has already said! Great advice to relax and just let it happen when it happens. Mine ranged from fully trained at 2 years to 1 of them waiting till almost 4!

[SandiC.]

Each kid has their own schedule. I don't think of it so much as potty training (usually its just a parent who is trained to "catch" an accident before it happens) as teaching the kiddo what to do when the time is right. My oldest was almost 4. I was thinking he'd be at his high school graduation before he was potty trained. But when he got it it was like turning a light switch. It was total and complete and I don't remember any day or night accidents after that. The other two were younger, around 2 1/2 to three. Little kids nervous systems have to grow to work to be successful at this and there is not one thing you can do to speed it up. And I agree to not make a big deal about it. it sure is great once its done though. Hope it comes along soon.

[amanda]

The best thing that worked for my kids was for me to be patient, (some days that was a challenge!) if you start to early you just end up wasting your money on pullups! My dd 'got it' at about 2 1/2 and my ds was about 3. Best of luck to you!

[JoannB]

If you don't stress about it, Potty training won't be an awful thing. Seriously, you can have awful nightmarish memories of the dreaded Potty Training period, or you can just relax. My oldest was 2 1/2, my youngest was 3, my boys were closer to 3 1/2. It's OK if your kids aren't potty trained by 2 - honestly. The times have changed - my mom always liked to tell me that my sister was trained by 2. Good for her, is what I say. I NEVER had stress while potty training. My kids were ready, and they were all trained within a few weeks - for good. My oldest took about 2 days, my youngest about a week. When they are ready, you don't have to be on them constantly. It'll happen when it happens. Use a fun potty sticker chart, where she can put a sticker on it every time she uses the potty, and have lots of good rewards...

Here is the chart I used (made out of scrapgirls supplies, of course. ): Potty Training Chart. It was so easy & fun to do - I laminated it, and we used 1 sticker for peepee, and 2 for pooping, and every time she reached the end of the row, there was a little prizing waiting for her. The first few rows were rocky. You could give something like this a try -- stickers are huge motivators for kids. I did this chart for 3 of my kids -- my oldest daughter, I went to the toy store and bought a toy for her (that she had picked out), and put it at the top of the refrigerator, and told her when she went potty all the time, she could have it. She was trained in a day, seriously.

It's just all about the timing.

[PattyBee]

I realize that I am going against the flow and disagreeing with everyone who posted above me. But my husband told me to share it in case someone else out there wanted to hear my dissenting opinion about potty training. It's just my opinion and I won't take it personally is you disagree so don't worry about my feelings. In any case, this is a question I am asked very frequently, even by total strangers in Walmart. My own obstetrician has been following my suggestions and giving me updates on her progress. So here is my pasted in reply as I usually give it. I can clarify any details if you want. Just let me know.

For lack of a better name:

Patty's Potty Training Plan

This is my generic plan of action for potty training young kids. Please know that I do not presume to know it all, or think of myself as an expert. I'm just sharing what has worked for me. It's advice that I have gleaned from others and put into practice over several years. And so far it has worked 6 times out of 6. A friend of mine has done the exact same thing with her 4 boys and it has worked for her as well.

Pre-teaching Steps (begin around 18 months):

1. Teach your child the difference between wet and dry. Talk to them about their diapers, a washcloth, etc. While helping you put clean wet clothes into the dryer, etc. Teach them that dry is better (for their pants!).

2. Teach them how to use sign language to mean that they need a diaper change. I used to say the words "diaper-change" and pat my side/buttock just before sending my toddler to the changing table. By 18 months they could usually imitate my words with something that sounds like "die-chain!" and would make the sign almost subconsciously.

3. Don't allow them in the bathroom until they are "big enough" (except for bathing of course). This will give them the sense of growing up and they can take pride in their new skill when it comes. It also helps when there is a younger sibling in the house. It kinda goes with the "rites of passage" idea. Prepare them for the big day when they are actually big enough to have the privilege to use the bathroom. Even do a "count down" chart.

4. A week before the big day, go out with your child and buy several dozen pairs of underwear or panties, some of which are "special". You can borrow most of them, but I recommend buying some special new ones, too! Tell your child what they are for and how excited you are for him to use them. Talk about how mom and dad wear underpants/panties and they're grown up! I have said, "When you are big enough, you can wear panties (or underwear), too".

5. While you are at the store buy large bag of a sweet treat of some kind as your reward for each success. (smarties, jelly beans, gummy bears, chocolate chips, mini marshmallows, etc). Check to see if you have a CLEAR jar, or rubbermaid container to hold the goodie jar. Plan to keep this on a shelf or counter within sight of the potty chair. This is a VERY important part of the plan. Do not substitute stickers or cheerios trying to be more healthy... it just won't work! They weary of such things quickly and it no longer motivates. You're both in it for the long haul... so make it worth it to them to stick with it. Also, buy several variations of beverages.... gatorage, kool-aid, juice, whatever... and maybe even some fun cups to drink them in (like the kind with crazy straws going up the sides). If you don't already have a digital timer or a wind-up egg timer, get one now.

In review, you need to have: treats, beverages, and a timer. A special potty chair is optional. Oh, I also like to have plenty of picture books on hand as well. And a chair or step stool near by for me to sit on while keeping them company, if they're using the big potty.


6. If this is your first child to potty train. Decide between you and your husband what words you want to use to describe the various parts and functions. Number 1 and number 2? Pee-pee and poop? Go-wet and go-dirty? etc. Remember that others will be hearing these words from time to time too. ;-)

7. If this is not your first child to potty train, then you have a great advantage!! For 2 or 3 days before, enlist an older sibling in the home to be the role model(s). Have the role model sit on the potty chair and do their thing! When they stand up have the "student", the role model, and mama all look and see what was left behind... praise the role model (clap hands; say "What a big girl!! etc etc) and make a show of giving them one of the candies from the goodie jar. The "student" does NOT get any candy. Only the child who put something in the pot gets it. Do this a couple times per day prior to the Big Day.

THE BIG DAY (I usually do this around 20-23 months):

On the big day: Mom and dad, you need to plan this day (actually more like a three day period) to be completely free of all unnecessary responsibilities! no shopping trips, no church, no nothing!! My husband and I try to tag-team this time so someone was always available to carry out our other responsibilities. If husband is not available perhaps grandma can come over. I have done this alone with a young nursing baby (and 3 other siblings), but it's a bit more draining that way.

TAKE AWAY THE DIAPERS!! If you are serious about training, then you need to stick with it! No pull-ups! No diapers in the car "just in case"! No diapers at the grocery store!! NO DIAPERS!! No exceptions!! Lay a couple of towels down under the napping child is you really feel you must. Expect it to be wet, but you may be surprised.

The Plan: Greet your "big girl" when she wakes up! Explain what you will do so she knows. Then, fill her up with whatever liquid she wants! (This stage is only for a short time. I feel they can get their nutritional needs met "overall"). Set a timer for every 10 minutes and take her in to the bathroom to go. The timer then becomes the "bad" guy. Don't be in the bathroom for a long time... maybe 5-10 minutes. With so much liquid, she is bound to accidentally go and then know what you expect. When she doesn't go, matter-of-factly say, "You didn't go this time. Maybe next time. We'll try again later ". When she goes in her pants, just say, "Uh oh, you went potty in your panties. You need to do that in the toilet" and then take her and clean her up. Now this next part is controversial - when they DO go in the toilet, I give them a small piece of candy (see list above). This is a great motivater for my children since they rarely get any candy otherwise! When the candy runs out, it runs out! (Try to have at least enough for 30 days... "30 days to a new habit") Another help is if they are attatched to a doll or stuffed animal or whatever, have the doll go, too. They love to pretend at this age (18 months and up).

Now, I would stick with the day 1 plan until they have a few successes in one day. This produces a TON of laundry, so be prepared! If your child refuses to try to sit when told to, then I recommend chastising. It then becomes a matter of disobedience (to try at least). They don't have to put anything in the potty, but refusing to sit when told to is disobedience. I usually have to do this once or twice for each child and then it's no longer an issue. Potty chair, special seat or toilet? It's completely a matter of preference. I've used them all! Like all the training we do with our children, it takes a few days of really trying times and then they've got it! On day two, you'll even be saying to yourself... "It's hopeless... we've may have had 2 successes... but we had 15 accidents!!! She just doesn't get it!!" Persevere! Day 3 is usually when the light really clicks on. Keep pushing the fluids and gradually lengthen the time between potty trips.

MORE TIPS:

Don't ever ASK you child if they have to go potty! This will sabotage your efforts completely. They haven't learned enough about the process to be able to answer this truthfully yet. Just TELL them in a cheerful voice. "Time to go potty!". Only after at least a month of successes have gone by, and probably even longer will they be able to truly judge such a thing.

Also, don't be discouraged when the reward (candy) seems to have really clicked with them and they run to the potty every ten minutes and give you a half teaspoon of pee-pee in order to get a candy. THAT'S A GOOD SIGN!! Yes, they are manipulating the system... but it's OK! It's a sign of real progress. They truly understand the cause and effect. You might try to distract them with more things to do (playing outside, coloring, dancing to music, etc) and the trips will be become less and less often. But don't ditch the plan when this happens... just smile and say... "How did Patty know this would happen?".

After day 3 or 4 or when you are beginning to have more successes than failures then you can begin to incorporate your other children into the process to help you with the month ahead. Assign responsibilities to each child (or to just one "helper" if that's all you have to work with).

Child One: your job is to grab a rag and wipe up the "accident". Stand on the towel until the wet spot is invisible. (I use my 3 year olds for this)

Child Two: your job is to read books to sitting child. (any child of reading age)

Child Three: your job is to wipe the bottom, empty the potty, and give the reward. This child gets the same amount of candy as the potty-training child. We give one candy for "pee-pee" and two for "poop". You may also choose to reward the other helpers in a similar way. My children have all LOVED potty-training their siblings because of this. Remind this child to wash hands with soap after each time.. and BEFORE getting the candy. (Ask me how I know!)

Overall, reward and praise the positive and the successes!!
Lastly, but most importantly, bathe the entire process in prayer. Pray together as a family, pray with your spouse, pray with your child. Pray, pray, pray! And let me pray for you also!! Let me know when you are training, and I will keep you in my prayers! I'm just a keystroke away for support! But remember, these are just my ideas. I am no expert!! If you have a question about anything I've said, let me know!

Hope this stuff can help you, or at least give you an idea to try!

May God bless your endeavors,

Patty Bristol

[ManiakMama]

Well, my son turned 3 last April and he just FINALLY decided he was ready to go #1 on the potty in November. We tried EVERYTHING under the sun to motivate him to do it sooner, but it's true what they say, that they will do it whenever they are ready.

So, my advice is to follow her lead. If she's really ready, she'll do it. If she's not, just know that she WON'T go to Kindegarten in diapers.

[LisaL]

We used the sticker chart with the kids and they all loved it. With boys we also put small pieces of paper or cheerios in the potty and told them to sink the ships! I have three boys and we started them out sitting down, but we had them turn backwards...less leakage from under the front rim of the seat this way. All of mine (4 kids total) were potty trained completely with no daytime or nighttime accidents by 2 1/2 or so. But we made it fun...not a chore. I totally agree with do not ask IF they NEED to go...just say "let's go potty and put a sticker on the chart!" It worked for us...

[sthrnbelle05]

Thank you all for your advice, ideas, experiences, etc! I know every child is different, so my concern isn't truly WHEN she learns, but how to recognize the signs that she's ready. I really like the idea of a sticker chart or a prize jar, since Aly rarely gets things like that and would be excited to earn them. I've heard from others to let them go commando or in big-girl panties, but when I tried the panties she pooed in them (so not fun) and commando just scares me! I have a three month old so I can't give her the necessary attention as well at an moment. She's starting to sit down on the potty even when I'm not there, and letting me know when she's peed or pooed, and wanting me to change her right then. Does that sound like readiness?

I know a lot of these can seem like common sense questions, but girls, the first time I ever even changed a diaper was the night that she was born.

[KBT]

Sounds like you and she are already going down the right path! If she is talking about it, sitting on it etc those are great signs. I say what ever you are doing, keep going! (and sorry, but the accidents will probably happen... yucky as they are!) I used pull ups with my kiddos and when they wanted big kids underwear, we started first with them over the pullup I never had any luck with charts... I am not dedicated enough

Keep up the good work!!! What a great mom you are for even asking!

[sheriL]

We've run the range from 1 1/2 to 4 with our 4 kids! The baby of the family was 3 in August, and most of the time it doesn't seem like we're making much progress. Our oldest was the earliest, probably because we were home most of the time, life was much calmer.
Patti's plan sounds great to me. The bribes are usually a great motivator, and consistency is huge. Unfortunately consistency is not my strong point, lol.
One big thing we've found - ditch the pull-ups. As far as my kids were concerned, they were no different than diapers. Even kids who were completely potty-trained, but needed to sleep in pull-ups seemed to forget what the toilet was as soon as they got those pullups on for bed.

[catvinnat]

have to agree on the pullups - they just keep them too dry.

My son was 3 1/2 before he was consistently bothered and we went cold turkey in the end as I knew he was ready but was just being lazy - he couldn't bear to break off from whatever he was doing to use the toilet. I am convinced that this was because we used pull ups.

In the end I just sat him down and said no more pull ups - just big boy pants and he had to remember to go to the toilet when ever he needed to

Within 2 days he was completely dry at night as well as during the day and we never ever had an accident which just prooves he was ready.

Whatever you do don't compare your child with anyone elses and don't stress about it, especially with another baby in the house. The first child often looses a little ground in areas like this when a new baby arrives. All things come in time.

Mid winter is not the best time to go commando in my experience lol!!!

[gophergirl]

DD was about 3.5. I tried closer to 2 because she seemed interested, but no luck. Started again just after 3 and she was off and on. Then at 6 weeks shy of 3.5 she announced she wanted to wear underwear. I told she would have to keep them clean and dry if she did and gave them to her. She's been trained ever since that day. My DS was a lot harder and at 5 is still having some trouble. I did commando with him and it got through in 3 mistakes. Now it's a motivation issue. He knows, he just doesn't want to.

The best advice I have is that when they are ready, they will do it and not before. As frustrating as it may be, it really doesn't work to do it on any other schedule than theirs. It sounds like she could be ready, but you also need to have the skills to take the clothes off, put them on, wash, etc. You can always try and if it doesn't go well after focusing for a little while, try some other time. Pull-ups can prolong the training, I think and they are expensive. Good luck in the process. I hope it goes well.

[Sara Arell]

My four were all different - after I got my daughter trained, the boys came along and I realized that it was me who was stressing out over all of this because "the books said" and once I relaxed and stopped working so hard at it, they just did it in their own sweet time. My youngest boy was 3 before he was completely potty trained. Relax, take a deep breath, and don't worry so much about it. When the time is right, it will happen. And, I taught my boys to sit down to tinkle - and they still do - saves a lot of cleaning on my part!

[Pireps]

I have 3 and they were all different ages but between 2 1/2 and 3. I had a friend who took diapers away at 2 years old. She brought them to the potty every 30 minutes and changed wet beds at night, woke them up at 11PM to go one last time before hse went to bed. I thought she was a tad crazy. With my first I realized she was ready when she started to want to get out of the tub becasue she didn't want to pee in the water. She ws able to hold it long enough for me to get her out, put the seat on the toilet and lift her up. So, we started a chart and put stickers on it each time she sat on the darn thing. There wasn't any punishemnt for accidents. She just helped me clean it up with an "accidents happen" attitude.

This last one was going once in a while, but not often. She really did it for fun at bed time with her sisters. Then she started taking her wet diapers off herself and running around naked with you-know-what stuck to her behind...LOL! So I decided she needed a little incentive. If she sat on the potty, she was allowed to pick an M&M for herself and each of her sisters. She would run to them and give them theri M&M (dad too if he was home) and everyone would say thank you and cheer. If she actually did something, she got Starburst! In a week she was solid, even out in public.

I'm a proponant of waiting until they show real signs of being ready. Friends who "potty trained" took 6 months to a year. Those of us who waited were done in 1-3 weeks with a rare accident after that. Usually because I forgot to remind her to try before we went out to run errands. Potties are hard to find in Europe...lol.

[Becca]

Mine have always been closer to 3 before they were really ready. Hang in there...diaperless days will be here soon!