[shellbw]

DH left for training in September. He came home for about 10 days over Christmas. He is now in Iraq, and communication has been slow. I haven't heard from him in two weeks, but I have sent him mail. While he is gone, I'm raising our 2 daughters that we have together and also keeping contact going with my step-daughter. All of that is tough. I do have help and a support system, so I'm not going through this alone.

Then in November, I had a mole removed. Results were fine. It came back, and I had it removed again on Friday. Still waiting to hear those results, and it's on my mind.

Monday night, I got an emailed prayer request about a Matt that was injured in Iraq. Wondered if this was the same one that DH worked with and deployed with (though they aren't in the same group).

Yesterday, went to the dentist to get 6 teeth fixed. Just shallow fillings to prevent further damage. Had a hard time with the needle, and actually shook for the first type of injection. He gave me something different for the second side, and I didn't shake. Survived 1 1/2 hours of having my mouth open for work to be done. Then I took the girls to WalMart to shop some. This is the same WalMart that my hero works at. Found out the injured soldier is the one who worked with my husband. And a couple of people wanted to know how Dave is doing. I could only answer that I haven't gotten a call or knock on the door yet, so I guess fine.

This just hit too close to home and really shook me up last night. Then I felt selfish for being scared for my own husband when another family is facing their own tragedy. I went out to dinner with some friends and that helped. My little angels didn't seem to realize that Mommy was upset yesterday. They are doing great.

Did get an email update that the injured soldier is going to be ok. If I read it right, he is going home to recover.

[Shari PV Mom]

Wow Shell! I can't imagine what you are going through! I do need to say, though, that I am really appreciative of what you and your husband and family are sacrificing for our freedom!

I will say that you should not feel selfish at all. You can still sympathize/empathize with others while being fearful yourself. It's natural so don't put more worry on yourself by feeling selfish. You are certainly allowed, in my humble opinion.

I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this practically alone. I am glad that you have help and support but I'm sure it's still difficult and very lonely at times. I wish I were closer and could give you a big hug in person. Since I can't I'll send you great big cyber hugs instead.

[shellbw]

Thanks, Shari. I am somewhat prepared for this deployment, as it's our second. He was on a peace-keeping mission in 2003/2004. But the risk of injury being so much higher, and finding out about one just 3 weeks after his arrival there was tough.

[B&K Mom]

Prayers for your Shell. How hard to have such limited communication. I'm really glad you have good support. Hope you hear from DH soon.

God bless you all.
Debbie

[Smiles]

I'm so glad you feel comfortable reaching out to Scrap Girls for support at a time like this!
Know that we are all sending you virtual hugs and good thoughts.
Obviously you are doing better than you think if your girls aren't sensing a problem.
I think you are having a perfectly healthy reaction to a scary situation.
We forget in times of cell phones and instant messaging that sometimes communication can take a while.
My aunt still talks about not hearing from my uncle for 4 months during WWII while he was in combat.
Fortunately, that is a thing of the past.
This is probably a good time to stay busy doing what you enjoy - like making layouts!
Seriously, I'm sure your husband would love an album of what his dear family was doing while he was gone.
It would be great memories for the girls too.
Maybe they can help you build some pages from their point of view.
Please keep us posted on how you are doing.
hugs,

[SandiC.]

Oh, Shell, its so frightening, isn't it, the not knowing? And human nature plays that little trick of letting you think the worst, and worry. I remember my XDH in a war 35 years ago and just reading your post had me playing some of those old tapes in my head. We're here for you anytime you want to vent, worry out loud, or just need to know someone cares for you in the midst of these hard times.

[shellbw]

Thanks everyone! I just couldn't leave all that bottled up inside and feel very safe sharing here at Scrap Girls.

I've been working on doing layouts for my girls' albums. I do one for each year for them. I've also done a "my hero" album (only 10 pages) for my husband. I had that printed as a little bound book at WalMart and sent it to him.

I send him updates about what the girls are doing, pictures, and will even be doing some video. He has a laptop there, so I can make PDFs of my scrapbooks and send those to him also. The girls love making postcards, cards, and pictures to send to him.

Thanks all!

[scrappinchar]

Oh, Shell. I just can't imagine.
I get the touch of the blues with my DH working out of town during the week. But, I know I'll get to see him on the weekends.
Not so in your case.

I'll be thinking and praying for you and your family.

[StephRN]

Shell, thanks for sharing with us. My xDH went through two deployments while we were together. There were times I thought I would go insane. Thankfully, they always passed after a good cry. I'm sending lots of love & hugs your way.

Hang in there & we're here for you.

[Shelbi]

Sounds like a tough thing to go through, and like everyone else I too do not think it is selfish to worry about your husband.
Prayers and hugs for you.

[carych]

Shell, you are in my thoughts. It is so hard when our loved ones are far away and there's nothing we can do but wait to hear from them and hope they are ok. My stepson is in Iraq and we are lucky enough to be able to stay in contact through email. I can't imagine how stressful it would be if we couldn't and that's what you are dealing with. I'm hoping you hear from your husband soon.

[PurpleJAF]

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I couldn't even imagine dealing with what you are going through.

[elibar]

Glad you shared. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Kricket]

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
And a sincere Thank you to your husband and all
those serving in our military.

[dawnsmemories]

Oh Shell! I am just now seeing this post. I am so sorry you are going through this, unfortunately I know all too well what you are going through. If you ever need to just vent or shout at someone, pm me!

You all will be in my thoughts and prayers... a daily update to someone, anyone will help you get through this difficult time. I wish I was there to just give you a hug!
Dawn

[PBarnes]

Sometimes just putting the words down helps to relieve the stress of the situation, as I think you have found out. Don't think it selfish. We love to lend support, especially to families of those that are serving our country. Hang in there Shell. You are doing a great job. I pray that you hear from your hubby soon.

[shellbw]

I was seriously starting to feel better today. Went and got a new haircut last night. Played around with styling it. Did my makeup. Played with my daughters. Content to know that if anything happens to my husband, my hero, I will know it.

Then I get an email from my FRG leader about a fallen soldier connected to the same Stryker Brigade as my husband.

I haven't had cable in almost 10 years and never had satellite. I don't get the newspaper. I don't turn on the radio. And I don't look for military news on the internet. I seriously keep myself in a happy little bubble so I'm not spending all day, every day worried that something is happening. Dave even instructed me to not look for the news about Iraq, and told several people not to tell me anything so I don't worry. (Get the feeling he is concerned about me? )

So what am I supposed to do when I get things in my email? And not from just anyone, but my church and the family readiness group with the army. Not one email, but four, and just from Monday to today.

Thanks everyone for listening, praying, thinking, and letting me vent this. It truly helps to know that people care. I know I can get through this. I'm confident that WE will get through this, and he will be home in my arms again. We've been through a deployment. We've been through 9/11 with him in Germany for Army training. (Just landed shortly before the world changed, and I didn't get to hear from him for days.) It's just that this kind of news shakes me up a bit.

I'm off to take the girls to the store and go to an appointment. I think I'll be scrapping a ton this evening after doing the house blessing!

[Smiles]

So sorry to hear the news.
I think all the things you are doing to take care of yourself are very healthy.
Sending more virtual hugs your way!

[Alberta]

I am praying for the safety of your husband and comfort and peace for you as you keep the home front going.

[CRS]

Shell, I'm so sorry you've had to deal with all this. I know that waiting and not knowing is the hardest part. It's perfectly normal to worry about your dh, especially when you hear news. My dh is heading out on his first deployment (to Saudi Arabia) next week and there is a lot about his mission he can't tell me. Not knowing drives me insane. But it sounds like you are doing everything I've been told to do to keep busy and keep your mind off things.

Please know that there is a large military family here inside SG (I didn't realize how large!) and that we are here for you. Scrapping is theraputic, and has gotten me through some rough patches, so keep that up!

[deadeye dianna]

I hope the support from your SG friends is helpful. It must be very difficult to keep a stiff upper lip. Hope you hear from your DH soon. I'll be adding your family to my prayer list. Hugs

[podiumchick]

Shell, my heart aches for the loneliness and uncertainty you are feeling. My prayer is that you will know the peace of God in every moment of every day. Thank you for sharing. Your posts have given me a different perspective...or maybe a better perspective on the reality of having a loved one overseas in military service. I've known several soldiers to go since this all started, but have not seen the emotions that you have shared. You've given me practical insight into how to pray for the families.

[shellbw]

The support that I have found here is amazing! It is truly wonderful to know that I can come here and have someone listen to what is going on and offer support, or even pass the tissues if needed. Scrap Girls is the best place on the web that I have found ever.

The emotions I posted are real. This is what is happening right now. I'm truly glad that they helped to give insight into what others are facing and how to pray for them.

And ladies, the prayers for knowing peace are working! I was cuddling my baby this morning. Just laying there cuddling her, and I felt such a surge of peace wash over me. A moment where everything in the world was right, everything was good, and I was enjoying just what I needed to be doing at that very moment. It was great, and will help to carry me through.

[JenW]

Separation like this has got to be really hard. You military wives are strong women, I hold you in the highest honor. Sending you lots of hugs and well wishes until your DH returns safely.