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Guest jessie97

Blonde Jokes

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A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.
She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding
and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and
then today you expect me to show it to you!"

A blonde is walking down the street
with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.
A policeman approaches her and says,
"Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out," he says.
She looks down and says,
"OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"

There's this blonde out for a walk.
She comes to a river and
sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river,
then down the river and shouts back,
"You ARE on the other side."

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see
that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren,
the trooper cranked down his window,
turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their
heads."You can't land on the sun, you ***! You'll burn up! "said the
Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know.
We're going at night!"

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.
It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your
name,can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked,
"Is it on or off?"

The blonde reported for her university final examination that
consists of yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall,
stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of
inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing
the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is
still sweating it out.
During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the
coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on."I finished the exam in half an hour, but now
I'm rechecking my answers."

A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs,
and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex
and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HelOOOooo," ! answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

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Too funny! I'm visiting my sister (a blonde) tomorrow...thanks providing me with an afternoon of poking fun at her!

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