[WendyTN]

Hi, everyone. I haven't posted here much, but I am definitely a lurker! I was just wondering what everyone's experience was with neighborhood children? We moved a few years ago and intentionally chose a neighborhood with lots of children so our kids would have other kids to play with. However, now they drive me nuts!

There are 3 of them that show up nearly every day, within minutes of us arriving home (we usually have morning activities in the summer.) I have to send them home so we can eat lunch and they are back an hour or two later. They act so upset when I send them home so sometimes I feel bad, but really, I want more time with my kids.

It is nice sometimes to have my kids playing so I can get a few things done around the house, but they wreak so much havoc I'm not sure it is worth it. My kids aren't perfect, but these kids dump games with lots of parts, spread books everywhere, readjust my desk chair, close mini-blinds I have open with the cords out of the way (since I have a two year old), they walk in before we can answer the door, and they have to have water all the time and get in the cupboards without asking. I could go on, but I think everyone gets the picture. :-) I really like their mom, so I hate to complain, and I know she would be upset that they act like this. On the bright side, they play with both my 7 year old and my little 2 year old, but really, I am wondering if it is worth it? Am I just over reacting? My kids aren't perfect, but they generally do not mess with my stuff and don't dump toys everywhere.

Okay...I feel better after venting!

[Glorie]

I do not miss those days and that frustration! I loved the fact that there were kids in the neighborhood and like you they were at my house all the time. I just thought it was because they had fun at our home. I found out that may not have been the only reason. One day I decided to send my kids to a couple of kids from one family's home only for them to come back and say they weren't welcome there because the youngest was taking a nap! I did day care and there was always someone taking a nap in the afternoon but the mom sent her two older (4-6) kids over all the time! For me, I thought share and take turns would be nice, even if I had more turns but, this ticked me off! We have since moved but the neighborhood now is even worse...and I won't go there!

I feel for you big time and all I can do is wish you God luck on that! Vent away...I guess I just did too!

[Cheri T]

We struggle with somewhat similar situations as well, so I definitely feel your pain!
One of the most frustrating things for me is that another 6 year old will come to play with my 6 year old, and the GUEST is mean to my 3-year old!
Now it's one thing when my own children fight with each other (lately it's constantly, gr), but quite another when a guest is fighting with my kid and being mean.

[Debil]

BEEN HERE DID THIS. . .For a lot of SUMMERS. . .Sorry to not have any sugg. for you. . .As luck would have it Both of those families have moved. . . Did THEY MOVE OVER BY YOU????? LOL

[mbc72]

My kids are a little older 13-10-4 but I put it on them to tell their friends what is and is not allowed at our house. Also, if things get out of control I do not hesitate to make up some reason why everyone has to leave-I usually blame it on daddy coming home!

[mbc72]

I just have to add that if my children are misbehaving at someone's house I would expect them to be corrected, and therefore I believe that if someone allows their children to come play at my house then they should expect the same. After all it is MY house and if they don't like it, then don't come back!!

[April Showers]

We had a similar problem in our old neighborhood. But just with one family. So, we told them that if the garage door was open, they were welcome to come play. If it was closed, then it wasn't a good time. It worked. And if your kids are at my house, expect them to follow my rules. If they have a problem with that, they are welcome to go home. The kids in our current neighborhood are well-mannered and a joy to have over though.

[trishy]

I can sympathize. We have a good group of kids in our neighborhood, but at times it just gets to be too much! I have a limit with my patience and when it is gone, everyone goes home. I have rules at my house and if the kids do not follow them then they are not welcome, plain and simple. In all honesty, I would set some house rules, maybe 5 and post them on the wall if need be. When the kids get there take a few minutes to go over the ground rules and make it clear that if they can't respect the rules then they will have to go home and try again on a different day.

As I am typing this, I am watching my DH & one of the neighborhood dads outside my window. They both had the day off work and are talking while 6 boys play, ages ranging from 4-8. Today has been a good day of play, but ask me next week when it is just me and 6-8 of them, I may give you a different answer! lol

Hang in there and don't be afraid to tell the kids to respect your house, you may be surprised at the change in their attitude at your house. (((HUGS)))

[DDecker]

Your house = your rules. My house = my rules. Your children have behavior you expect of them no matter where they are and it should be no different for their friends.

I currently have my two girls friends Jake and Boone over for the night. They are 3, 2, 2 and 1. At home the boys are allowed on the furniture, beg and don't share their toys. Here they know they are NOT allowed on the furniture, sit in the kitchen while we eat and if they don't share toys they all get taken away. They sit politely for treats, not snatch them out of my hand and wait to eat dinner after we are finished.








Oh wait.....they are dogs. Seriously if the dogs can learn different rules for different houses so can children.

[KBT]

I completely and totally understand. Growing up my mom dubbed herself the KoolAid lady I guess we are the Koolaid house too! I have decided that I am not afraid to say what is what at our house- not to be mean to my younger kids, to respect each other and our stuff or go home. I have sent children home and gone down the road and spoken with parents about why I have sent their children home. I do it matter of factly and consistently- with all the same rules applying to everyone. Maybe I shouldn't correct children's behavior or language in my yard, but its my yard and my little ones don't need exposed to it. I have frankly been appalled by the behavior I have seen... and yet they keep coming back so it can't be all that bad to be here, even with the mean mom

[anna]

I agree. Set some rules, post them, and then expect everyone to live by them. Different things are important to different people. For example, in our house, everyone eats in the kitchen. At my sister's house, people wander all over with food. It doesn't bother her. But, her kids know at my house, they eat in the kitchen. Don't hesitate to have consequences for your rules - and if it gets to be a big enough deal, talk to their parents. but most of the time, kids will follow the rules in someone else's house as long as they know them. As for dumping toys, I put most of the toys in rubbermaid boxes with lids that snap tight. When it's just my kids, I'll leave the lids off. But, if I find we are having trouble with friends coming over and dumping out lots of toys everywhere, I snap all the lids shut. When one set of toys is cleaned up, I open another box...I know I'm mean, but it works. The neighbor kids now know that they can't get out everything at once...

[angleigh]

Oh my gosh...do you live on my street? LOL I go through the same thing here. And i'm with Trish, I don't care how the kids act at their own house, but when they are in my yard playing with my kids they play by my rules and if not then they go home and aren't allowed back at my house for the day. The boys can still play with them out in our cul de sac, but not in my yard. I've officially become the "mean mommy" on the street (I had one tell me that to my face..I just laughed and said thank you) But it doesn't seem to stop them, they always come back to play.

[Cheri T]

DDecker, on Jun 18 2009, 06:13 PM, said:

Your house = your rules. My house = my rules. Your children have behavior you expect of them no matter where they are and it should be no different for their friends.

I currently have my two girls friends Jake and Boone over for the night. They are 3, 2, 2 and 1. At home the boys are allowed on the furniture, beg and don't share their toys. Here they know they are NOT allowed on the furniture, sit in the kitchen while we eat and if they don't share toys they all get taken away. They sit politely for treats, not snatch them out of my hand and wait to eat dinner after we are finished.








Oh wait.....they are dogs. Seriously if the dogs can learn different rules for different houses so can children.

OH LOLOL Dee...does this mean I could send my children to obedience school and expect some good results? Seriously! Actually some of the parenting seminars I have seen/read about are kinda similar to obedience school. Hm, perhaps I could start a business!

[siskitkat]

I can sympathize with kids seeming to lurk waiting for someone to play with. I've gone through that here, also. Before the summer started, I bought some plastic cups and pitchers. I mix up Kook-Aide and set it outside for the kids. That way, they are not coming inside looking for drinks.
I expect my kids to know the family rules and to tell their friends when something is not allowed. That is admittedly a work in progress at 8, almost 6 and 4. I am fortunate that we have a good group of parents in this neighborhood. They all look out for the kids and we're not afraid to say correct a child.

[WendyTN]

Thanks for all the replies...I'm glad I'm not the only one in this boat. I do tell them the rules, however, they ignore them. I think I just need to send them home if they break them. For example, the one child that always just walks in the door....I tell him every single time he needs to wait for us to answer, and he always says "okay" but he continues to do it. Next time, I'll just send him home....I know he will cry, but it is just rude.

Actually, when one set of kids come to our house, they tell us their rules at home and expect us to follow them! LOL! Mainly, they come in and say "We aren't allowed to watch TV so you need to turn your TV off." (They actually are allowed to watch TV, but not alot.) I usually have it off anyway, but sometimes my 2 year old wants to watch a show and I let him....he needs the down time. I just expect them to play outside or in another room (or go home.)

I think I just need to be the mean Mommy!

That is SO true about kids knowing the rules at other houses. One little boy, who really isn't any trouble, gets to stay up really late at his house, and if he has a sleepover, they let the kids just stay up all night. Not at our house...and he knows that. Last time he spent the night here, about 9pm he asked "Can we please stay up until 11pm so we can watch a movie?" After the movie he went straight to bed (my son fell asleep by 9:30...LOL) so they know what the rules are everywhere don't they?

[CRS]

Oh, I'm so glad you posted this! I have one neighbor across the street with a daughter the same age as mine. The child is sneaky, mean to my younger dd and has flat out told me no when I told her it was time to go home. The worst part is how my dd acts when she is around or after she has played with her. She always comes here because her brother has homework and needs a quiet house. But when the mother is home, she keeps her in line better. Last summer wasn't too bad, so hopefully this summer won't be either (the mother is a teacher).

I'm just so glad to know I'm not alone!

[Shelbi]

we have a similar problem in our neighborhood with one family.
The mom sends her 5 yr. old out almost daily to all the neighbors (my himself) until he finds someone who will let him in.
The problem is he is mean and no one wants to play with him or be a free babysitter.....

ah summer.

[AmandaFace]

angleigh, on Jun 18 2009, 10:06 PM, said:

Oh my gosh...do you live on my street? LOL I go through the same thing here. And i'm with Trish, I don't care how the kids act at their own house, but when they are in my yard playing with my kids they play by my rules and if not then they go home and aren't allowed back at my house for the day. The boys can still play with them out in our cul de sac, but not in my yard. I've officially become the "mean mommy" on the street (I had one tell me that to my face..I just laughed and said thank you) But it doesn't seem to stop them, they always come back to play.

i knew it all along!

sounds like every neighborhood has those eh? the kids show up at my house b/c we have a wii. i think we had one before a lot of other people did so they always wanted to play. last summer was our first in this house, so it was REALLY bad then. kids from all over the neighborhood, like 8 at a time would show up. theres one little boy that hits my younger son and locks himself in every room in the house. i told him one day people dont lock doors in my house and he needed to go home. rarely see him after that. i sent my kids down there one day w/ my hubby and their mom kicked them out after 5 mins. haha! its ok this summer so far. maybe im like angie the "mean" mom on my street.

oh! and a bunch of the kids said "youre the MOM? i thought you were the sister". so i cant decide if they were being worse b/c they didnt think i was the mother at first or what. hah.

[DDecker]

Here's to all the Mean Mom's! I count myself among you.

[KBT]

I LOVE the idea of putting out a pitcher of water! I always hear the hose going on and off- "we wanted a drink!" is the response As far as the kid walking in the house- we have one of those too... I actually started locking the door for a while until he got the point I guess kids are the same everywhere huh?!

Mean moms Unite!

[Bobbi Jo]

Fascinating thread. We have had similar problems except my kids are older now (12 - 8), and unfortunately some of it has been with cousins who live in the neighborhood. That's been a hard one to figure out.

I've never had kids walk in without being invited, but I do have a friend who had that happen at her house fairly often. She finally put her foot down when the 5-year-old neighbor boy walked into her bathroom looking for someone to play with -- at 6:30 AM -- while my friend was in the bathtub .

[PBarnes]

I guess I was very, very lucky when my kids were younger. We never had any neighbor child act like that. My thoughts were, as others have said, sit them down and tell them the rules and that if they can't follow them, you'll send them home. Gotta be the "Mean Mom" sometimes.

[amanda]

it's a blessing and a curse being the house where all the kids want to be! I hear ya!
Kids need those boundaries, and I'm sure that's why even though you feel like you're being a mean mom when you give them rules- they need that!

[nicole_j]

Ditto. Your house - your rules. If your kids follow the rules then they have to too... don't drag things out of cupboards and clean up the games then these kids do to or they can't come to play. At first I didn't want to be "mean" but really you have to put your foot down and keep some order and sanity in your household.
I would usually try to have them play outside instead. It was easier since they played kind of rough and even if I had to go sit out there and watch them... then when they got bored they could go home Yep, my neighbor sent her other kids down when she had little ones napping.. well guess what, I had one that needed to nap too.

[WendyTN]

Yes, I am going to have to be mean Mom from now on.....! DH found something in the basement that some child did (could have been mine also, but I don't think so...he is not a good liar) that was really destructive. GRRRR.

This week has been great....most of the kiddos are on vacation!! (heh, heh, heh....evil laugh.......)