This week I've been thinking about judgment and repentance. Heavy. When I'm really honest with myself, I know I need to repent.
I've got a guided "Examination of Conscience" that I go through periodically that begins like this, "My child: Think about your interior attitudes and disposition. Have your thoughts, your aspirations, your word, your actions of this day been worthy of one of my apostles? Have your problems overcome you again today? How many times have you fallen? What was the reason? Think it over well."
I always hate to do this. I would prefer to stay in the dark. "And this is the judgment, that the light has come into the world, and people loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil. For all who do evil hate the light and do not come to the light, so that their deeds may not be exposed." -John 3:19-20
And while I wouldn't consider myself "evil" per se, I cannot think of myself as better than anyone, even those who hit and spit on Jesus at his trial! The light makes us defensive, and we react. This is from my devotion this morning, (Reliving the Passion
by Walter Wangrerin Jr), "Goodness is a spotlight. It shines on our shame, our filth, our deformities; it picks out the parts we hide from the world and even from ourselves. We will strike at that light. We'll haul it into court, discredit it, and smash it in order to put it out. We'll spit on it and belittle it."
"No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all perish just as they did." Then he told this parable: "A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard; and he came looking for fruit on it and found none. So he said to the gardener, "See here! For three years I have come looking for fruit on this fig tree, and still I find none. Cut it down! Why should it be wasting the soil?' He replied, "Sir, let it alone for one more year, until I dig around it and put manure on it. If it bears fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it down.' " Luke 13.5-9
But I am loved despite it all! I will be tended to, cared for, nourished. And I will repent. And I will repent again. And again...
Jesus continues, "But those who do what is true come to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that their deeds have been done in God." -John 3:21
Here is my layout. Repent