Jump to content


Photo

It Can Be Hard Keeping A Straight Face As A Court Reporter


  • Please log in to reply
12 replies to this topic

#1 Belle

Belle

    Scrap Girl Messageboard Wise One

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 21,589 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Cape Town South Africa

Posted 15 June 2011 - 09:08 AM

These are GOOD !!!





These are from a book called Disorder in the AmericanCourts, and are things
> people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now publishedby
> court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while theseexchanges
> were actually taking place.

> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
> WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> WITNESS: No , I just lie there.
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> WITNESS: I forget..
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of somethingyou forgot?
> ___________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved invoodoo?
> WITNESS: We both do.
> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> WITNESS: We do..
> ATTORNEY: You do?
> WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in hissleep ,
> he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?
> WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ.
> ___________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> WITNESS: Are you kidding me?
> _________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: So the date ofconception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Getting laid
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS: Your Honour, I think I need a differentattorney. Can I get a
> new attorney?
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death..
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> WITNESS: Take a guess.
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had abeard
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm goingwith male.
> _____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to adeposition
> notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed ondead
> people?
> WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up toomuch of a fight.
> _________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did yougo to?
> WITNESS: Oral...
> _________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
> ATTORNEY: And Mr Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.
> ____________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
> ______________________________________
> And last:
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you checkfor a
> pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No..
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive whenyou began
> the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my deskin a jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,nevertheless?
>
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could havebeen alive and
> practising law.


gallery_19386_314_49430.jpg

BLINKIES_MOM-Past.gifBLINKIES_wise1.gifWT-Button-copy.gif


#2 scrapperbess

scrapperbess

    Hot Scrapper

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 755 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Louisiana

Posted 15 June 2011 - 09:24 AM

This is a hoot! Thanks for starting my day off with a laugh! I am going to send this to my son, who happens to be a lawyer! Hope I don't get in trouble! lol

#3 Becster

Becster

    Scrap Girl Messageboard Wise One

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,115 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:South Florida

Posted 15 June 2011 - 09:45 AM

:hahohi:

gallery_20128_4545_950.jpg

SG-9-Anniversary-SugarNSpice-Blinkie.gifSG-9-Anniversary_Spice-Blinkie.gifBLINKIES_MOM-Past.gifBLINKIES_wise1.gif


#4 princessrunningfingers

princessrunningfingers

    I'll Have You In Stitches In No Time

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 17,996 posts
  • Personal Statement:I am an avid stitcher, reader, and of course Scrap Girls Addict.
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Tennessee

Posted 15 June 2011 - 09:57 AM

This is one of your better ones, Belle. :roll-on-floor-laughing:

gallery_15063_3635_1064.jpg

BLINKIES_MOM-Past.gifSG_Olympian.pngBLINKIE_StayCation-Luau.gifBLINKIES_Pblshd.gifWT-Button-copy.gif


#5 tiza126

tiza126

    SG Shopaholic

  • Welcoming Committee
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 16,695 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Missouri

Posted 15 June 2011 - 10:55 AM

OHHH my these are hysterical. I wonder if the juries were able to keep a straight face ;)

gallery_14425_66_70914.gif

(siggy by Conda)

 

Button_Welcome.png~ SGblinkie.gif~ BLINKIES_Huckleberry.gif~ BLINKIES_BoutiqueBabe.gif


#6 Sara Arell

Sara Arell

    Scrap Girls Messageboard Wise One

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 50,757 posts
  • Personal Statement:Let There Be Peace On Earth and Let It Begin With Me!
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Hendersonville, NC

Posted 15 June 2011 - 11:28 AM

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Posted Image
Posted Image
Posted Image
Posted Image
Posted Image

#7 shellbw

shellbw

    Scrapper Friend

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 566 posts
  • Gender:Female

Posted 15 June 2011 - 12:36 PM

Love them! :)

#8 lorac

lorac

    She Who Walks In Snow Without Shoes

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 14,193 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Yonkers, New York

Posted 15 June 2011 - 01:30 PM

:wacko: :blink: :o :wobbly-eyes:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


Those were hysterical, Belle. I needed a laugh.

gallery_11036_66_10740.png

BLINKIES_girlfriend.gifSG-9-Anniversary_Spice-Blinkie.gifSG-9-Anniversary-SugarNSpice-Blinkie.gifBLINKIES_MOM-Past.gif

SHARE THE LOVE GOAL Goal for August 2014, 7194 -- 7171 (1283) as of 8-29-14


#9 luckyladybug

luckyladybug

    Scrap Girl Scrapper Devotee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,747 posts
  • Personal Statement:Inspire
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Alaska

Posted 15 June 2011 - 04:16 PM

Tooooo funny!! Thanks for sharing.
gallery_21439_304_44748.gif

 

 

SG_BB_LoveThis.pngBLINKIES_MOM-Past.gifBLINKIES_club.gifBLINKIES_club-ss.gif


#10 PBarnes

PBarnes

    Scrap Girl Messageboard Wise One

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 22,301 posts
  • Personal Statement:Digitally Addicted!
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Nebraska

Posted 16 June 2011 - 03:38 PM

Good laughs, Belle! Thank you. :)

#11 SarahBat

SarahBat

    ScrapGirls Olympian

  • Design Team
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,329 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Philly, PA

Posted 16 June 2011 - 04:27 PM

ROFL. Oh my goodness these are too funny. Are there more of these somewhere?
S A R A H B A T D O R F . Products . SG Blog . Layouts

Click on images to see products.
SBA_PL_3LittleWords_MKTG_150.jpgSBA_PL_3LittleWords_LO1_150.jpgSBA_PL_Juliet_MKTG_150.jpg SBA_SSPP_PESnazzyCal_MKTG_150.jpg

Button_Designer.pngSG_LongLive_72_zps19f45c47.gif

#12 kimmybutton

kimmybutton

    Livin' in the purple moment!

  • Design Team
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 8,006 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Pennsylvania

Posted 17 June 2011 - 06:50 AM

ROFLMBO!!!!
kimmy **Only she who attempts the absurd, achieves the impossible.**
Product Designer

Newest Collections (click on images below to see boutique product page)


My Products My Gallery

Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

#13 Wendee-CreativeSparkle

Wendee-CreativeSparkle

    Scrap Girl Messageboard Wise One

  • Admin
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,083 posts
  • Personal Statement:What you think about you bring about.
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Salt Lake County, Utah, USA

Posted 18 June 2011 - 12:17 PM

Those are knee slapping funny! I love it! Thanks for the good laughs!

Wendee-Daffodil-Sig-New-225.jpg
 
Wife to my sweetheart for 14 wonderful years. Mother to three darling children, two girls and a boy.

Button_WebMaster.png





0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users