Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Belle

It Can Be Hard Keeping A Straight Face As A Court Reporter

13 posts in this topic

These are GOOD !!!

 

 

 

These are from a book called Disorder in the AmericanCourts, and are things

> people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now publishedby

> court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while theseexchanges

> were actually taking place.

 

> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

> WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'

> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

> WITNESS: My name is Susan!

> ____________________________________________

> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

> ____________________________________________

> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

> WITNESS: No , I just lie there.

> ____________________________________________

> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

> WITNESS: Yes.

> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

> WITNESS: I forget..

> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of somethingyou forgot?

> ___________________________________________

> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved invoodoo?

> WITNESS: We both do.

> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

> WITNESS: We do..

> ATTORNEY: You do?

> WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.

> ____________________________________________

> ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in hissleep ,

> he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

> ____________________________________

> ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?

> WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ.

> ___________________________________________

> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

> WITNESS: Are you kidding me?

> _________________________________________

> ATTORNEY: So the date ofconception (of the baby) was August 8th?

> WITNESS: Yes.

> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

> WITNESS: Getting laid

> ____________________________________________

> ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?

> WITNESS: Yes.

> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

> WITNESS: None.

> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

> WITNESS: Your Honour, I think I need a differentattorney. Can I get a

> new attorney?

> ____________________________________________

> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

> WITNESS: By death..

> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

> WITNESS: Take a guess.

> ____________________________________________

> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had abeard

> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm goingwith male.

> _____________________________________

> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to adeposition

> notice which I sent to your attorney?

> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

> ______________________________________

> ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed ondead

> people?

> WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up toomuch of a fight.

> _________________________________________

> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did yougo to?

> WITNESS: Oral...

> _________________________________________

> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM

> ATTORNEY: And Mr Denton was dead at the time?

> WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.

> ____________________________________________

> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

> ______________________________________

> And last:

> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you checkfor a

> pulse?

> WITNESS: No.

> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

> WITNESS: No.

> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

> WITNESS: No..

> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive whenyou began

> the autopsy?

> WITNESS: No.

> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my deskin a jar.

> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,nevertheless?

>

> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could havebeen alive and

> practising law.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is a hoot! Thanks for starting my day off with a laugh! I am going to send this to my son, who happens to be a lawyer! Hope I don't get in trouble! lol

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is one of your better ones, Belle. :roll-on-floor-laughing:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

OHHH my these are hysterical. I wonder if the juries were able to keep a straight face ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:wacko::blink::o:wobbly-eyes:

 

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

 

 

Those were hysterical, Belle. I needed a laugh.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites