Belle Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 These are GOOD !!! These are from a book called Disorder in the AmericanCourts, and are things > people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now publishedby > court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while theseexchanges > were actually taking place. > ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? > WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?' > ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? > WITNESS: My name is Susan! > ____________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? > WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. > ____________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? > WITNESS: No , I just lie there. > ____________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? > WITNESS: Yes. > ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? > WITNESS: I forget.. > ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of somethingyou forgot? > ___________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved invoodoo? > WITNESS: We both do. > ATTORNEY: Voodoo? > WITNESS: We do.. > ATTORNEY: You do? > WITNESS: Yes , voodoo. > ____________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in hissleep , > he doesn't know about it until the next morning? > WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? > ____________________________________ > ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he? > WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ. > ___________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? > WITNESS: Are you kidding me? > _________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: So the date ofconception (of the baby) was August 8th? > WITNESS: Yes. > ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? > WITNESS: Getting laid > ____________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? > WITNESS: Yes. > ATTORNEY: How many were boys? > WITNESS: None. > ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? > WITNESS: Your Honour, I think I need a differentattorney. Can I get a > new attorney? > ____________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? > WITNESS: By death.. > ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? > WITNESS: Take a guess. > ____________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? > WITNESS: He was about medium height and had abeard > ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? > WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm goingwith male. > _____________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to adeposition > notice which I sent to your attorney? > WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. > ______________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed ondead > people? > WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up toomuch of a fight. > _________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did yougo to? > WITNESS: Oral... > _________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? > WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM > ATTORNEY: And Mr Denton was dead at the time? > WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished. > ____________________________________________ > ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? > WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? > ______________________________________ > And last: > ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you checkfor a > pulse? > WITNESS: No. > ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? > WITNESS: No. > ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? > WITNESS: No.. > ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive whenyou began > the autopsy? > WITNESS: No. > ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? > WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my deskin a jar. > ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,nevertheless? > > WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could havebeen alive and > practising law. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapperbess Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 This is a hoot! Thanks for starting my day off with a laugh! I am going to send this to my son, who happens to be a lawyer! Hope I don't get in trouble! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Becster Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
princessrunningfingers Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 This is one of your better ones, Belle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiza126 Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 OHHH my these are hysterical. I wonder if the juries were able to keep a straight face Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara Arell Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 :rofl: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shellbw Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Love them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorac Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 :rofl: :rofl: Those were hysterical, Belle. I needed a laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyladybug Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Tooooo funny!! Thanks for sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PBarnes Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Good laughs, Belle! Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarahBat Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 ROFL. Oh my goodness these are too funny. Are there more of these somewhere? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimmybutton Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 ROFLMBO!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendee-CreativeSparkle Posted June 18, 2011 Share Posted June 18, 2011 Those are knee slapping funny! I love it! Thanks for the good laughs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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