Belle Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 Pregnancy, Oestrogen, and Women PREGNANCY Q & A & more! Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough. Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after hefinishes university. Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A: Childbirth. Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimesshe's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question? Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not painI'll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that acyclone might be called an air current. Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? A: Right after you find outyou're pregnant. Q : Is there any reason I have to be in thedelivery room while my wife is in labour? A: Not unless the word 'childsupport payment' means anything to you. Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering fromchildbirth? A: Yes, pregnancy. Q : Do I have to have a baby shower? A: Not if you change the baby'snappy very quickly. Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wifebegin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids are inuniversity. 'OESTROGEN ISSUES' 10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE 'OESTROGEN ISSUES' 1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelette. 3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 5. You're using your mobile phone to dial up every bumper sticker thatsays: 'How's my driving-call 0800-'. 6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice. 7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from 'outer space.' 9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. 10. The Nurofen Plus box is empty and you only bought it yesterday. TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND 10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. AND, the Number One thing only women understand: OTHER WOMEN WE ALL NEED A SMILE! 'Be kinder than necessary, foreveryone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariJ Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 Oh, Belle, thanks - this sure gave me a smile and a laugh outloud! Wonderful - thank you for posting - I love your early-morning (for me!) laughs!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimmybutton Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!! Thanks for making me laugh this morning, girlfriend! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anna Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 Hahahahahaha! Thanks for the giggles this morning! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapcritter Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 What a riot!!!!! Laughing my heart out!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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