So, I'm Crazy Again
Posted 20 January 2012 - 12:47 AM
Now I'm upset and sad. My chest is all clenching up. I'm almost 35 and still no closer and once I hit 35, I'll be considered "advanced maternal age". I'm supposed to crop with a friend on Saturday but I really just want to hermit myself away. I know I can't do that, so I'll have to force myself to do it.
Blah. I needed to vent
Posted 20 January 2012 - 03:12 AM
This is just not gonna happen for hubby and I. It's too late. I mean, so what if I can crochet and knit and scrapbook when I can't do the one thing I want to do most? blah
Posted 20 January 2012 - 06:53 AM
Posted 20 January 2012 - 07:05 AM
"I do not understand the mystery of grace -- only that it meets us where we are and does not leave us where it found us." Anne Lamott. My blog (Unfinished Work)
Posted 20 January 2012 - 07:35 AM
Posted 20 January 2012 - 08:23 AM
Posted 20 January 2012 - 09:24 AM
Posted 20 January 2012 - 01:20 PM
Posted 20 January 2012 - 10:11 PM
It's easy to get caught up in thinking this is the month, and googling all your symptoms to see if other women had this or that and turned out to be pregnant. Probably not a good idea, but I'm as guilty as anyone of this. Do you have a good fertility doctor? If you and your husband have not yet had medical work-ups, now is the time. If you've got PCOS or other problems, seek help. You previously mentioned past miscarriages. D&C's can cause scar tissue that can also effect your fertility. But you're only 34, and as you said, your high school friends are still having babies. Unless your mother and grandmother went through early menopause, you should have time left. Lots of first time mothers in their 40's, you know. Stay positive, take care of yourself. Remember stress=bad for you, okay?
Hugs and baby dust to you.
Posted 20 January 2012 - 11:05 PM
This is the message in question. Note that she knows my issues and my history. Hubby thinks she's trying to upset me on purpose given that I really didn't ask her about anything, just told her congrats when she said she was having the kid on the 27th. I could be overly sensitive, but I was also close friends with this girl in High School and I know how she works. She was one of those people that always fell in love with your boyfriend AFTER you started dating them. Heck, she even wanted my husband when we were dating. She even spread rumors around our work that they were having sex in the car on the way to work. This was so many years ago, that I thought I'd forgive and be nice. That seems to have backfired on me.
" I told Josh I couldn't stand Rowan missing out on a sibling, and that they would probably have to be close due to my age. We were shocked to say the very least when I got pregnant in the first two weeks, the doctor told use it would probably take a couple months due to Rowan being 4 1/2 months, my cycle...etc. I think I haven't really said too much because of the shock and hating myself for feeling that way because I know what a HUGE blessing it really is to be so fortunate. Lord, that makes me sound like I'm fifty years old or something..."
As hubby pointed out, it can't take two weeks, it would take a cycle at earliest and a cycle is usually around a month. Plus, most docs will tell you it will take an average of 6 months. Hey, her doctor could have told her that though. shrug*
Posted 20 January 2012 - 11:22 PM
Sounds like you took the high road in sending congrats - good for you.
I think avoiding her would be good for your mental health. Forgiving for past wrongs is one thing, opening yourself to new ones is another.
Hang in there!
Posted 21 January 2012 - 12:26 AM
Wow, $3000 is way higher than I was quoted for karotyping. What about immunity tests? As far as getting pregnant again, has your husband had an analysis? There are even kits to DIY at home. And there are certain foods that are thought to help on the guy's side of things - oatmeal, pumpkin seeds, blueberries, salmon, etc. So when your husband says, "Oatmeal for supper again?", you can say "Yep, and here's some pumpkin seeds to snack on while it's cooking." Hope you feel better soon and try not to stress.
Posted 21 January 2012 - 09:49 PM
I have the same problem, but my doctor recommended against the karyotyping for now as he feels the odds of it being helpful to my situation are slim. Sometimes recurrent miscarriages are just a mystery. I almost didn't survive the last one, so I hope to not have any more like that! Next time will take for both of us, I'm sure of it. Baby dust for both of us.
Posted 22 January 2012 - 12:37 AM
I saw my OBGYN at the crop I was at today (she's the one that invited me the first time, and now I go every month!) and i asked her about having HER order it instead of the fertility guy to see if that was cheaper and she said she wasn't sure and to have me call the office Monday and talk to their testing people. She seemed to think 1,500 a piece was a bit high too. She said she was thinking more around 1,000 a piece. She also said something about how she'd personally get IVF over karotyping but then she added that "getting pregnant isn't your problem"
Ugh, frustrating. I made 12 "new baby cards" today because I had none in my stash. By the 12th card I was getting down, but I'm "okay" at the moment. Kinda "meh/in the middle". I also made two pagers for my paper scrapbook (I know, paper, crazy! LOL)
Also, thanks to whomever got me the little gift. I bought a few templates with it and will have lots of fun with those. I love templates.
Posted 22 January 2012 - 02:27 AM
As unimaginably difficult as it is, you may want to try to get back to that place of balance. Stress is your enemy here. The stress hormone cortisol does all kinds of things to the way your body and your brain work, from memory to metabolism to sleep to fertility and beyond. My advise is to find whatever works for you to keep the cortisol in check--laughing, smiling, listening to music, talking to friends, posting in the forum, scrapping, crotcheting, whatever. Just find that happy place, and try to be there with intention, even if it is just one moment at a time.
It might not make a baby happen, but it will make you happier.
Bless your heart. I wish I could give you a great big hug right now and rub your shoulders and help you breath. I'm sending all the hugs and prayers and friend support that I have, dear.
enJOY, sweet spirit!
Posted 22 January 2012 - 06:55 PM
I have one more question, which you can think about, but don't need to answer here - are either you or DH taking ANY medications? If so, have the doctors really dig into info on whether that could affect a pregnancy. Those things usually affect ability to conceive, which I know you are able to do, but perhaps could contribute to miscarriages too.
*big hugs* I pray things work out for you, and my heart breaks that you are hurting so much.
Posted 22 January 2012 - 07:31 PM
Posted 24 January 2012 - 05:27 PM
Happy Birthday, Heather! And remember, it's the thought that counts when it comes to the birthday cake! Takes a special guy to make his wife a birthday cake! You are blessed! Enjoy your day!