[MrsCropper]

Good Morning Scrap Girls,

I have reached a place in my life where I have to make a hard decision and I would appreciate your positive thoughts and prayers. I have worked for my company for 18 years (this July) and most days I really love my job. But due to health issues, my husband and I both feel it is time for me tolook into disability benefits, which of course would require me to quit. I have had serious health issues for 10 years now and have never even considered disability, even though I have had a number of doctors over the years who assumed I was on disability benefits and not working. I just never wanted to be"one of those people" that abused the system.

A little background on myhealth:

I have had severe asthma since I was 10. Most of the time it is under control but I do get pneumonia very easily and it takes a number of weeks for me to recover. Right now, I am on week six of a leave for pneumonia. I was in the hospital for a week in February because I had double pneumonia. My husband says they almost lost me this time. I am still doing breathing treatments every four hours and get exhausted very easily. I am due to go back to work on April 1. Although my boss would never say anything to me, I can tell in her voice and emails that her patience is wearing thin regarding my return to work.

I had a stroke in 2003 at the age of 32. I lost the use of my arm, had a bit of a drag in my right leg and my speech was slurred for a while. I went to physical, occupational and speech therapy for months. The hardest part was learning how to write and type again. It would be eight months before I was able to go back to work full time(I am an analyst so all of my work is computer and/or writing).

In August of 2007, I fell down my basement stairs (old house, steep stairs, cement floor) one morning while going down to get clothes for work. I got up and brushed it off, even went to work. Over the next couple of months, I began to have some really bad back pain that ran down my right leg. I went to the doctor and found out I had two herniated discs in my lower back (L4/L5 and L5/S1). Being the foolish person I am at times, I did not want to miss work to take care of my back so I continued to go in every day. By the end of October, the pain in my back and legs were almost unbearable and I was using a cane. One Sunday morning I went to get up and literally could not move my legs. After a four hour ordeal, my husband was finally able to get me into a wheelchair that we had at the house.I missed work that Monday and Tuesday and finally agreed to go the ER onWednesday. My husband, brother-in-law and nephew had to carry me down my porchstairs in the wheelchair to get me into the car. I ended up having emergency surgery the next morning but unfortunately, a tremendous amount of nerve damagehad already been done and I lost feeling from the back of my buttocks all the way down to my feet. I went through months of rehab, learning how to walk without feeling in my feet and trying to get some of my balance back. I recovered as much as I could and went back to work in February. I ended uphaving to have a second back surgery in April of 2009 to really repair the damage that had been done (the first surgery was really just to relieve the pressure on the nerves). Rods and screws were put in my back and this time the recovery was much quicker, I only missed about 10 weeks of work.

Since my back problems, I have endured nerve pain and neuropathy in my feet and legs. I have a very high threshold for pain but when the neuropathy kicks in I cannot sleep. There have been a number of nights I literally got no sleep and had to call in to work.Unfortunately, there is no rhyme or reason to the neuropathy - I constantly have the burning pain in my feet, which I can live with, but sometimes for whatever reason the pain and burning are kicked up a few notches and I just can't sleep.

Through all of this, my boss has been very accommodating and understanding. She is a great person and a fantastic boss but she does answer to higher powerswithin the office. There have been a number of times she has mentioned my attendance - she understands my situation but the work still has to be done.She was even able to get me a laptop so I could work from home occasionally if I had an issue with my sleep. But I can tell a big difference in her attitude about my leave this time around.

I am so torn on this decision. On one hand, I do find it very difficult to work 40+ hours a week and keep up with the house, laundry and cooking. In fact, when I am working, we probably eat out three nights a week. Simply because I am too exhausted to cook and clean up the mess. My husband does cook but he also works and twice a week he works a 16 hour day. Since I have been on leave and once I got over the big hump of not being able to breathe if I did ANYTHING besides rest, the house has stayed clean, the laundry is kept up with and I cook most nights. It is almost like I have to choose between working and taking care of my family. However, it would certainly be a financial hit if I quit work and disability would only be about half my monthly bring home.

Thanks for listening; I would appreciate any prayers and positive thoughts to help me make the right decision.

Barb

[englishrose]

Oh Barb what a difficult decision for you and your husband to have to make and I feel for you both. From my own experience I would say that, unless you have pressing debts, the financial side of things is quite often easiest to resolve. I wish you peace of mind whichever decision you take.

[Sara Arell]

Barb, you do really have a very difficult decision to make and my heart goes out to you for all you've been through with your health issues and are going through. Sending my prayers for this decision to come to you easily and that you are at peace with whatever decision you make. Your health is the most important thing to think about!

[jenrou]

Barb, I really feel for you. I agree with Hilary, it is a difficult choice for you and your husband. Getting disablilty is also difficult, even when you really qualify. Is there a possiblity for you to work part-time at home? You will be in my thoughts for your health and decisions.

[JenniferZ]

Don't have any answers, just lending some cyber support as you weigh this decision.

If there is a chronic pain clinic near you, I would strongly recommend calling for an evaluation. My husband is a psychologist who specializes in chronic pain and he provides services for a chronic pain clinic here. The program has excellent success in helping people deal with chronic pain and improve their quality of life. The program combines physical therapy, biofeedback, social work, career counseling, relaxation and psychological counseling, as well as physical medicine (pain meds and medical interventions, such as surgery). It is an intensive, all-day program that lasts a number of weeks. There are not many of these clinics around, but if you are interested, try a google search or ask your PCP or surgeon to see if they know of one.

Good luck!!!!!

[CRS]

I feel for you, Barb! I can't imagine the position you are in. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I admire your dedication to working when dealing with so many health issues!

[BetC]

I cannot imagine how you have managed to deal with all of this for so long; you are a very strong woman. Having said that, we all need times when we can share the burden. I pray that you will have peace in your decision and that doors will open for you whichever direction you go.

[SandiC.]

Very difficult decision. My prayers are with you. Our situations are completely different, but I can tell you since I retired (and not drawing retirement pay yet) I have been so much happier. The decrease in pay was not worth my health and peace of mind. Nobody in their last days wishes they'd worked more.

[April Showers]

What a difficult decision for you. Praying for you as you work through this.

[mbc72]

Praying for you as you work through this decision.

[Cheri T]

Many prayers for you as you (and your family) think through this difficult decision. You are obviously such a strong woman - and I have no doubts you'll come to whatever the "right" decision is for you. I think you've gotten some great thoughts/advice above in this post, too:)

[KFiasco]

I can't imagine that you still work 40+ hours with all of your health problems. I will put you and your family on my prayer list. I'm sure that the decision that you and your husband make will be the best thing for you. Please don't worry about being "one of those people". You have given it all you have and sounds like you don't have more to give.

Good Luck,

Karen

[diannecp]

I too will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. The thought that immediately came to mind (and I am not ever quick to offer others advice), is "when one door closes, another opens." It sounds like there are a lot of pros to your quitting work but from your post, I can't imagine that being the end of a productive life for you. Something that I've been doing a lot lately is just asking myself (and journaling - art journaling) "what if?" And just toss around positive opportunities and outcomes to myself. It's more than just weighing the pros and cons in that it helps me envision how I would feel about things. Maybe something to consider as you weigh all your options and I pray that you will quickly come to peace with your decision.

[GinnyW]

My prayers and thoughts are with you as you make this difficult decision.

[elibar]

My family was placed in this situation about 7 years ago - except that it was my husband facing permanent disability, as practically the sole breadwinner. At the time, I was only earning "play money" at a part time job and a teeny bit from eBay consignment sales.

It was a difficult choice to make - but he just couldn't continue with the high level of chronic pain.

Not only was his income half of what it was, but he took on the shame of walking with a cane, getting the handicapped placard, and worst of all - having to go off from whatever he was doing sometimes and lie down flat somewhere to ease the pain.

But we took the step of faith that we would be taken care of. We had to sell the house that we loved in the city that we loved, but we got to move where he could be closer to his family. We have found friends that are understanding. We have been given unconventional ways to supplement our income - rental properties, a part-time job at a church, design work - keep us both busy. Steve has found volunteer opportunities where he can serve as he lays on the bed with a laptop and a phone. We are very busy, but we are blessed with a super-flexible schedule that allows us to take care of our grandson, pick up and go somewhere almost whenever we want, and lots of time to be together (even though I don't always see it as a blessing )

I pray for you as you make this hard decision.

[MrsCropper]

Thank you all so much for your positive thought, prayers, kind words and advice. I got back to work on April 1 and for the time being, I will stay there. I am actually eligible to retire in September of 2015 - not sure if I can stick it out that long but it is a thought. My husband was actually offered a job last week and if they pay what he is asking, I will most likely quit in the next couple of months and look into disability. I think some of it will also depend on how things are when I get back to work. If they start passing me over for projects, etc. because they are worried I am unreliable, I will probably go ahead and quit. I really wouldn't want to spend the next couple of years with them thinking they can't depend on me. I guess we will see how things go in the next couple months...

[Smiles]

blessings to you as you seek discernment on this issue. May angels of wisdom guide you.

[LaLo1103]

Saying a prayer that you will feel it in your heart when you have made the right decision. Give yourself lots of time to think and contemplate. Hope you feel better too!

[MrsCropper]

Well, I turned my notice in a work on Wednesday, my last day will be April 30. My husband and I took a look at the money, tallied the pros and cons and weighed our options - quitting work seems like the right thing for me to do right now.

I do have three Master's Degrees so I will probably look for work teaching an online class. That way, I can still bring a bit of money, keep up with the house and take care of my family without so much stress. Trying to get myself healthier will be at the top of my list as well.


Thank you all for your support, I really feel like we have made the right decision.

[SandiC.]

Good for you. Wishing you all the best.

[AggieB]

Best wishes. I hope making your decision gives you peace of mind.

[Sherry Lynn]

Barb I'm sorry that you are faced with such a difficult decision - please know that you are in my thoughts AND prayers!

[CRS]

Good for you, Barb! I hope you are less stressed and enjoy your new path!

[lorac]

Good news Barb. Glad to hear that you made your decision and it's the right one for you. Love and prayers are still going out to you and your family.

[Ro]

Oh Barb... I just saw this today. It sounds like you made a good decision. Sometimes, we have to make these hard choices to set ourselves back on track. I know how hard it can be - because I've done it myself.

I'll be thinking about you.

Sounds like you have a wonderful hubbie!