Jump to content


Photo

Kid's History Papers


  • Please log in to reply
6 replies to this topic

#1 Imagineer

Imagineer

    Good Scrapper

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 111 posts

Posted 06 April 2013 - 08:58 PM

Please forgive me if this is just one more post of the same.



The following quotes were accounts of history written by kids in their essays. What grade do you think they earned for writing statements like these? Oh, weeping for the future of humanity…

“The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.”

“Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.”

“In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.”

“Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.”

“Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: ‘Tee hee, Brutus.’”



“Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.”

“Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.”

“In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.”

“Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son’s head.”

“It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.”

“The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo’s last wish was to be laid by Juliet.”

“Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.”

“During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.”

“Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim’s Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.”

“One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand.” Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.”

“Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.”

“Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. His mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.”

“Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.”

“Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.”

“Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.”

“The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn’t have any children.”

“The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.”

“Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.”

“The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men.”

“Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a natureist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.”

“The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in human history.”

--------------

My favorite is that Queen Victoria sat on a thorn for 63 years. Was it bad spelling or was it like The Princess and the Pea?

[Source: unknown]
Find out what you love and love it as best you can.
The universe is free.

#2 Sara Arell

Sara Arell

    Scrap Girls Messageboard Wise One

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 50,757 posts
  • Personal Statement:Let There Be Peace On Earth and Let It Begin With Me!
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Hendersonville, NC

Posted 07 April 2013 - 05:07 AM

Thanks for the smiles, Leslie!
Posted Image
Posted Image
Posted Image
Posted Image
Posted Image

#3 KayMitch

KayMitch

    Scrap Girl Scrapper Devotee

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,792 posts
  • Personal Statement:Love photos, love scrapping, love life.
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Mildura Victoria Australia

Posted 08 April 2013 - 12:31 AM

Honestly that is the best laugh I've had in a long time. There are tears streaming down my cheeks. Laughter surely is the best medicine. Kay
Posted Image
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image Posted Image

#4 zebidee75

zebidee75

    Scrapper Friend

  • Creative Team
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 722 posts
  • Personal Statement:Officially addicted to scrapping and chocolate!
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Kent, UK

Posted 30 April 2013 - 05:09 PM

Superb - thank you for posting! :D

gallery_23370_304_71622.png       Button_Layout.png   Button_Published.png    BLINKIES_UK.gif


#5 princessrunningfingers

princessrunningfingers

    I'll Have You In Stitches In No Time

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 17,996 posts
  • Personal Statement:I am an avid stitcher, reader, and of course Scrap Girls Addict.
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Tennessee

Posted 01 May 2013 - 07:49 AM

Great - I hadn't seen it before.

gallery_15063_3635_1064.jpg

BLINKIES_MOM-Past.gifSG_Olympian.pngBLINKIE_StayCation-Luau.gifBLINKIES_Pblshd.gifWT-Button-copy.gif


#6 misspolly

misspolly

    New Scrapper on the Block

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 10 posts

Posted 01 May 2013 - 08:14 PM

As a history major with a sense of humour, I don't know whether to laugh or cry!

#7 Belle

Belle

    Scrap Girl Messageboard Wise One

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 21,586 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Cape Town South Africa

Posted 10 May 2013 - 01:27 PM

Such fun. TFS.

gallery_19386_314_49430.jpg

BLINKIES_MOM-Past.gifBLINKIES_wise1.gifWT-Button-copy.gif





0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users