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Church Ladies With Typewriters


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#1 Florida granny

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Posted 24 April 2013 - 06:44 PM

Church Ladies With Typewriters

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'
The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say '***' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is ***?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'.

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#2 Eden

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Posted 24 April 2013 - 07:11 PM

So funny Dianne! I'm wondering about those "electric girdles"!

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#3 teecee

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Posted 24 April 2013 - 07:44 PM

These are great Diane! TFS! :)

#4 Cheri T

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Posted 24 April 2013 - 10:19 PM

ROFL! Yep, electric girdles sound, well, painful:) And I really had to snicker at the Low Self Esteem group having to use the back door - that's just mean, lol.
The last one is the absolute best, though, bwahahahaha!
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#5 BarbaraC1977

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Posted 24 April 2013 - 10:22 PM

I read selections from this at parish council this evening. Good for lots of smiles and laughs, especially from Father Francisco.

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#6 ValerieT

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Posted 25 April 2013 - 12:42 AM

These are great, Diane, really brightened my morning.

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#7 Belle

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Posted 25 April 2013 - 12:43 AM

That's so funny. Thanks for the smile.Posted Image

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#8 Sara Arell

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Posted 25 April 2013 - 01:00 AM

:giggle_bear: :giggle_bear: :giggle_bear: :giggle_bear: :giggle_bear: :going-crazy: :going-crazy:
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#9 jenrou

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Posted 25 April 2013 - 07:41 AM

:rofl:/> :rofl:/> :rofl:/> I used to do newsletters on typewriters and bulletin boards. No telling how many goof-ups I did!

"Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door." This one struck me a especially funny.
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#10 LaLo1103

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Posted 25 April 2013 - 08:39 AM

These never disappoint - I had tears from laughing so hard! My favorites were, "The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'" and "Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door."

These are great!!!
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#11 JenniferZ

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Posted 25 April 2013 - 10:44 AM

LOL!!!!!!!! Thanks for the giggle! :rofl:

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#12 KayMitch

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Posted 25 April 2013 - 05:25 PM

Loved them. I was hysterical. Good therapy. Kay
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#13 misspolly

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Posted 26 April 2013 - 08:34 PM

No matter how may times I see this, it's still hilarious.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.


I actually saw this one live on our local church board. It made my occasional trips to the Post Office all the more entertaining.




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