Belle Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?' The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.' ___________________________________________ 'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the Divorce Court Judgesaid, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,' 'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'lltry to send her a few bucks myself.' ___________________________________________ A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' 'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.' ___________________________________________ An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.' The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.' ___________________________________________ A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take tofly from San Francisco to New York City?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up. ___________________________________________ Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. 'How was he killed?' asked one detective. 'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied. 'A golf gun! What the heck is a golf gun?' 'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.' ___________________________________________ A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. 'I'm O.K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery, he answered. 'What did he say,' asked the nurse. 'Oops!' ___________________________________________ While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. 'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?' 'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.' He's still in intensive care. ___________________________________________ The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance... The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there. ' __________________________ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara Arell Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephRN Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Becster Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 AHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariJ Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Belle, these are GREAT! I was laying in bed earlier this morning reading them on my iPod and laughing away! Thanks for taking the time to share them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLo1103 Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Cute! I always enjoy these! Thanks for sharing, Belle! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KFiasco Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 LOL! Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
healthyscraps Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 Fantastic, just keep laughing at the last one. Thanks for posting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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