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The English Plural According To....


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#1 Belle

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 06:55 AM

The English Plural according to....

 
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.


If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?


Then one may be that, and there would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!


Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England .


We take English  for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing,
Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?


Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
What do you call it?


If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?


Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?


We ship by truck but send cargo by ship...
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?


You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down,
In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
And in which an alarm goes off by going on.

 
And in closing..........

If Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop.????

 
 


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#2 jenrou

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 07:01 AM

:blush:  :rofl:


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#3 Smoky

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 07:16 AM

I think my brain is scrambled after reading that!  :rofl:  I've never understood pineapple.  :dunno:  Methren - so many uses for that one! :dancingchicken2:


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#4 ValerieT

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 07:33 AM

Got to love the English language! ;)

 

Thanks for sharing Belle.


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#5 LadyL

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 07:40 AM

the English language is a truly wondrous thing



#6 englishrose

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 08:22 AM

Love it Belle!


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#7 lorac

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 08:26 AM

  :huh: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:  Belle, you are a hoot!  :toot:  Since we don't have any owls to show you are a hoot, I used the 'Toot' which rhymes with 'Hoot'.


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#8 Florida granny

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 09:58 AM

:rofl:  :rofl:  :rofl: Yep... definitely verbally insane!

 

Thanks, Belle!


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#9 teecee

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 10:00 AM

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Love it! Thanks for sharing it, Belle!



#10 DixieLee

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 10:10 AM

I sure don't want to be called 'Mop'!



#11 MariJ

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 05:05 PM

Add me to the "rolling on the floor" club Belle!   This is so wonderful and so true, thanks for posting!   :D


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#12 Smiles

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 09:32 PM

These are classic!


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#13 BarbaraC1977

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Posted 10 April 2014 - 10:16 PM

I love these---and you've inspired me to find another piece making fun of English pronunciations. :worship:


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#14 princessrunningfingers

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Posted 11 April 2014 - 08:56 AM

Wonderful :roll-on-floor-laughing:


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#15 Sara Arell

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Posted 14 April 2014 - 11:43 AM

LOVE this, Belle!  You bring so many giggles and smiles to the mb!  Thanks for sharing!


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