Jump to content

Oldies but goodies


Recommended Posts

Just thought you ladies would find these 'Oldies but goodies' funny. I love the last one.

The devil whispered to me, “I’m coming for you.”

I whispered back, “Bring wine”

——————————

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.
——————————

It’s weird being the same age as old people.

——————————

When I was a kid, I wanted to be older…   this is not what I expected.

——————————

Life is like a helicopter.  I don’t know how to operate a helicopter either.

——————————

It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.  

——————————

Marriage Counselor:  Your wife says you never buy her flowers.  Is that true?

Husband: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.

——————————

My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make the food right in front of you.  So, I took her to Subway and that’s how the fight started.

——————————

I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say “Wow,” that many times in your first session, but here we are…

——————————

I see people near my age mountain climbing; I feel good just getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

——————————

We can all agree that in 2016 not a single person got the answer correct to, “And where do you see yourself 5 years from now?”

——————————

I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.

——————————

I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humour suggests I’m 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.

——————————

Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you.  Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.

——————————

I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event.

——————————

I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do, it’s because I missed my exit.
——————————

How many of us have looked around our family reunion and thought “Well, aren’t we just two clowns short of a circus?”

——————————

You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.

__________________

A balanced diet is dark chocolate in both hands.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I also love the one about sitting on the floor and not being able to get up. That happened to me just last week when I got down on the floor as I wanted to look under my bed for one of my shoes. Took me about half-hour to get up. My cat 'Leo' just sat on my bed and stared at me. Big help he was.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
On 8/25/2021 at 11:45 AM, lorac said:

I also love the one about sitting on the floor and not being able to get up. That happened to me just last week when I got down on the floor as I wanted to look under my bed for one of my shoes. Took me about half-hour to get up. My cat 'Leo' just sat on my bed and stared at me. Big help he was.

 

Been there, done that! LOL! Btw, train that kitty!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...